I was NEB topper (10) now i just gave my 11th final and now im a failure?
so,after getting 4gpa in 10th,-malai interest thiyo science ma anni,i was pretty good as well so,obv i chose science aani,i started to struggle suru dekhi nai,first ma ta ma clg aali dhilo gaye,admission aali dhilo bho,so,first few weeks samma note complete garda garda gayo,still bhayena first term samma i was chasing notes notes notes,tei mathi maths teachers aani chem ko teachers were very very very old,aaba dk why first impression ma malai man pareyna so,tespaxi uniharu ley padhako testo bhujheyna,first term i got 3.20gpa i was shocked but it was ok sabai ko testai hunxa bhanney bho,second term got 2.90,maths ma 37 chem ma 45,physics tetti bela ni 59,and aaba main event,after that third term bhayo,aani 2.90 aayesi i studied really hard tbh,jammai kura cut jst study,not jst ratta which i never do,conceptually jammai kura bujhdai gaye,exam bho and here's the result got 65,69 in nepali and english,63 in physics,49 in computer,now here comes;27 in chem and guess what 18 in maths..............this time reality hit me hard,that was meant to be comeback sab ma A,A+ thiyo but maths ma aani chem ley mero purai self confidence,topper bhanney jun thiyo bhitra tyo sabai jasari batta nikliyo,do you know what hurts more?nepal ko education system and all,chem ma 50-60 aauney even 2nd term ma i got 39 in computer which was very rare but mero skills were far more better than the guy who got 48,49 yo system ma jasley ratta mareyra exam ma lekhna sakyo he's best jasley rtata mareyna kam aayo,this is jst example computer ko case ma aaru ma ni tei ho,especially physics ma aani aaru ma ni,it is jst what i felt ma wrong ni huna sakxu im so sorry for that,but yeah tyo third term ley sab confidence ni gayo everything first week of bhaishak ma bhako tyo events then aailey final exam ni sakkiyo,this time as well,maths ra chem ma dherai nai kamm aaula jasto xa,aailey ta maths bahek kei ni na padhda ta testo bhaxa,hamro clg ni tight xa(lalitpur ko reputed clg so called),so now the title;I was NEB topper (10) now i just gave my 11th final and now im a failure? --especially im asking seniors aani jrs ni,jasley aaba science stream choose gardaixau, so,what;s my next plan bhanda wanna prepare for IOE,wanna join pulchowk obv,bahira obv jadina ma,will love to do BCE in nepal nai,aani aaailey nai yesto result ley confidence jati jammai gai sakyo,tei mathi aaba ratta matra hanni padhni matra gareyni skill dev lai kasari time diney,jst one of my frnd said me that'ghayal ho esiliye ghatak ho' but kasari apply hunxa ta yo,12th ko suru dekhi nai,even 11kai base yesto bhayesi kasari ioe?ik im overthinking but aaja yestai state ma xu,im sad,im depressed first time mero inner self ley nai aafulai yesto sochiraxa,no one believes in me aaba ta,im a joke,what to do,kei tips smth,i mean how effortlessly marks aauney but mero na aauney dk fk k ho yo matrix i wanna get out of it plzz help meeeeeee