u/Lopsided-Ear8914

Wedding planning is hardddd and I’m about to body slam my MIL soon lol.

My fiancé and I specifically asked on our invitations for people not to wear white or green, as he is wearing a green suit and wants to stand out too (fair and cute!) and I’ve had a fear of his (what we are peer reviewing as) narcissist mother trying to wear white since before we got engaged.

Fast forward to about 2 months ago my MIL is showing us dresses she wants to wear on her phone and asks my fiancé if she can wear green to match him. I let him decide if he was comfortable with that even though it’s kinda weird that she asked despite us being very clear about that. He begrudgingly agreed.

Then he got up to go to the bathroom and she decided she had another dress to show me. “It’s like champagne” she said as she looked it up, and I just knewwww!! And sure enough she turned the phone around and it was white. She literally said “it’s like an off white” like GIRL my dress is off white thank you very much! I told her “the green dress you showed us was so lovely” and ended that conversation cause that’s what you have to do with people like that. I think she wanted me to react but alas, I don’t give energy to that (at least public facing lol.)

I had to break it to my fiancé because he promised his mother wasn’t that bad to do something like that, and I felt hurt by it. Thankfully he believed me despite me having no proof cause she waited for him to leave the conversation, and has been very supportive and protective since.

2 weeks later she texted saying she got a dress, and refused to send a pic for a week when I asked before sending a pic of the green one when my fiancé re-asked for me. I was relieved and moved on.

However last week we were at his parent’s for dinner and she wanted to show me “her new dresses she got for the wedding because she wasn’t sure of the green one after all.” Thankfully my fiancé heard this and followed us upstairs, where he caught her pulling out another white dress that she had actually bought this time! We both just kind of froze and then left pretty quickly, but not before she said “I’m the mother of the groom and just want to wear something special to his wedding - I mean your guys’ wedding” lmao.

The next day she texted me to ask what my mom was wearing and when I told her she said “I hope the dress I showed you yesterday isn’t too casual.” I just liked the message, and two days later my fiancé texted her saying her idea to match was great and that he wants her to wear the green dress so they can look like a family in the photos lmao. Gotta stroke the ego to remind her that we already made an exception for her.

I swearrrr though that she’s going to go out again and find a white dress with some green on it and tbh I’m just going to ask the photographer to not take pics of her except for one because that’s hilarious to wear the two colours we specifically asked people not to wear. Our photographer is cool enough and I don’t really want an annual reminder of it (because she’s one of those fb boomer moms that sends and resends memories every year) and to see a pic of my husband with his mom in a white dress lol.

I’m also tempted to buy one of the white dresses she got and do a fit change halfway through the reception but idk if I’m petty enough for that.

I (29f) am getting married in a few months.

I’ve been friends with A and B for about 9 years, and they are also friends with each other. The last several years between them (as a duo) and myself, have been rocky.

We’ve had many chats about our friendships over the last 4 years of rockiness with all parties asking for changes, of which I’ve done my best to uphold, but have seen little change from them. They often forget the changes I’ve made or the nice things I try to do for them, and instead of communicating will act petty, then get upset when I pull away as a reaction. They are usually upset about my reactions to their actions and make me feel bad for reacting when they hurt me.

An example of this is I suggested that we all have a hobby sharing night a few years ago, and I told them I was serious because they have requested that I let them know when I’m serious about wanting to do things, because they often leave me out and I end up doing said things alone. I’m not sure why they leave me out, or what makes them think I’m not serious, because I’ve done everything I suggest anyway alone or with other people or my with my fiancé or family or whatnot, however it doesn’t seem to matter even when I do let them know that I am serious; They held a hobby night a few weeks after I suggested it and didn’t invite me, and when I saw online and asked them about it, they said that they thought it would be cooler to do it with their new friends and that I didn’t know the new friends, even though I did. I pulled back for a while and they subsequently told me I was being a bad friend for not being more present. This is just one example of many of this vein, let alone other issues that have presented over the years.

Regardless, I’ve forgiven and moved forward time and time again. An example of this is asking them to be bridesmaids in my wedding.

I thought if I asked them they would maybe at least be present and happy for me during this exciting time in my life and maybe it would be a good reconnection tool. I think I’ve been relatively chill tbh, only having asked them to get dresses and show up to the wedding shower, bachelorette, and wedding! I also asked B to do my hair because she’s a hairstylist, to be fair!

However, B tried to convince me at first that I could do my own hair because I can do my hair “pretty nice”, but I thought it was a fun way to connect and try a few hairstyles and hang out. She finally agreed and we met once to test a style, and after that time she told me that she only does one trial for a wedding and that we couldn’t meet again. I was hurt but I respected her boundary and started testing other styles myself anyway because I wasn’t settled with the one we tried.

The next month we went dress shopping to get a general idea of what might look nice. We didn’t buy anything because I didn’t want all my bridesmaids to spend too much money at the fancy stores - this was just supposed to be a taste test for fun, and then we could look online or at Marshall’s or Winners or someplace for something under $100. We ended up planning 6 weeks in advance to go to Winners another time, and a week before we went, A posted from an across the country that she was excited to be on a work trip. I messaged her and asked if she would be at dress shopping still and wishing her fun on her work trip, and all she said was “No, I won’t be!” No explanation or apology for not letting me know.

Then at the dress shopping B let me know she had to leave earlier than we had all agreed to meet for, and took off earlier even than that without talking to anyone else.

I wanted to get mismatched dresses for everyone, and all but A (who was away still) and one other got a $30 dress that day. Yay! The other 2 ended up getting dresses on their own time, which was fine by me, but I thought it would be good to see all of the dresses together once before the wedding just in case the colours didn’t line up.

So, I suggested 20 different times we could meet for 30 mins, spanning over 2 weekends (and I asked 3 weeks in advance of these weekends), as well as 9 week days, looking at morning and lunch and evening time slots to accommodate different schedules and such. It was like a poll where they all voted, but apparently none of the 20 times worked for B, and she said she would send her dress with A.

The day of the try on, I got sick so I cancelled. My other bridesmaids checked in to see if I was ok, but A and B were absent on the group chat and didn’t reply. They usually are absent anyway - my maid of honour told me she had tried to talk to them about the bachelorette and they never replied to her either.

I asked in the group chat later that day if we could just check the dresses the morning of the bachelorette, because I didn’t want to take too much time from them and their personal lives, and that’s when A texted me letting me know she wasn’t coming to the bachelorette, despite me telling her the date 6 months in advance.

Then my maid of honour planned for everyone to wear blue at the wedding shower to show they were bridesmaids, and B told her she didn’t own anything blue, which was truly fine like I didn’t even know about this - my maid of honour wanted to surprise me. It was very sweet of her and the other bridesmaids wore blue except for B. However the next day my maid of honour texted me a screenshot of B’s IG story where she was wearing blue to go out on the town with her roommate. I was like OH LOL OK?

This is literally the whole story. I haven’t asked them for help with decor or bachelorette planning or anything else, and have relied on my other bridesmaids when I need something. I haven’t said anything about B not being willing to hang out and try other hairstyles, or leaving dress shopping early, or “not owning anything blue”. I haven’t said anything about A not coming to dress shopping or not telling me she wasn’t, and when she told me she couldn’t come to the bachelorette I simply just said “No worries!”

Am I crazy to be upset? Would it be crazy to ask them to step down? I don’t think I’ve asked for too much at all. Even my other bridesmaids feel like I haven’t asked them for much despite them helping make decor and plan the other events and such!

I feel embarrassed after telling my other bridesmaids over the years about the silliness of my dynamic with A and B since 2021, and then asking them to be part of this event with me/ us, for them to just simply act like this.

Part of me knows I won’t talk to either of them after the wedding because this is my last straw, and I’ve tried to be nice and reach out and be accommodating even outside the wedding stuff. But I’m also stressed planning a wedding and just feel like I should gift this to them as a parting present - thanks for being friends, talk to ya never again lol - and just let the wedding come and go in respect to our friendship.