AITA asshole for abruptly dumping my fiancée after she left my boys alone?
My fiancée and I have been together for a year. We're part of the same friend group. I have 2 boys, ages 8 and 10. She has a 19-year-old son.
My fiancée does not live with me but started staying over to get the kids used to having a stepmom.
Last Saturday, I was called into work. Fiancee offered to watch boys. I warned her that they are high energy, but she wasn’t concerned.
I didn’t hear from fiancée other than the kids were fine. I was too busy to constantly check in, but I figured if there was a problem, she'd let me know.
When I got home from work, fiancée and her son were gone. My boys were both home. The 10-year-old was in tears, which is not common for him. He said fiancée took her son out.
My boys’ side of the story is this: they wanted the 19-year-old to let them play with his Nintendo Switch Lite. He didn’t want to lend it out because he thought they were too young and hyper to be given a Switch. I have no problem with this because it's his Switch. They bugged him a few more times but let it go. they asked him to play catch, but there was a heat advisory out and he doesn't like heat. They started asking him about his Switch again. Eventually, fiancée took the phone they share away and put it out of reach. She told them, “If you can’t respect my son enough to leave him alone about his electronics, then you are obviously too young to handle your own electronics. Shortly after that, she took her son to lunch and out to go shopping and left the boys alone.
The 10-year-old was frustrated by the time I got home because there was a heat advisory out, and the house was very hot. He tried to adjust the thermostat, but it required a digital override that he couldn’t figure out. The smoke detector started chirping due to a low battery, which was giving both boys a headache and making the 8-year-old jumpy. Neither boy could reach the detector to change the battery, not even when standing on a chair.
My fiancée comes home and says the boys were driving her nuts so she left. Her excuse was that the 10-year-old could watch his brother. I told her she was wrong, that a 10-year-old is in no way mature enough to babysit, especially without access to a phone. She countered by saying in 3 years he will be a teen, and 13 years old is old enough to babysit. I said to her, “So should 13-year-olds drive because in 3 years they will be 16? Should 18-year-olds get drunk because in 3 years they will be 21?
I broke off engagement. Our friends are saying I’m an asshole and overreacting. I am starting to wonder if they are right. I am just so livid that she would leave 2 little kids alone without calling me. Everyone said she didn’t call because she was stressed out and needed a break.
So, AITA for dumping the woman over a bad afternoon?
EDIT: Couple of edits to make things clearer: Why were the kids being obnoxious? Probably because they were cooped up inside due to the heat advisory. They are used to running around outside, playing sports. For the folks who think 8 and 10 is too old to need a sitter, I disagree. I'm a medic, and I've seen some tragedies happen when kids this age are left alone. Where is the bio mom? She passed away when they were 4 and 6. To their credit, the kids did make ex-fiancée an apology card for acting up. They haven't given it to her yet.
Another edit: I am not sure why she turned the AC up. I don't think it was to be malicious.
I have no anger at the 19 year-old. Switch Lites are expensive and breakable. I don't blame him for not wanting young kids messing with it. I did tell them when someone says NO, that should be the end of it. We are working on boundaries at home and in therapy.
For the people wanting to know why the smoke detector freaked them out. I was surprised that it had them riled up myself. it sounds like by that point they were both frustrated. They both have ADHD and it comes with some sensory issues.
No, before this incident there were no signs of problems with the kids. They were excited to have a mom for the first time in 4 years.
She doesn't like leaving her son alone because he has anxiety/OCD. That has a lot to do with him and ex taking off. I am not blind. My boys are hyper and extremely active. They are sweet kids, but I can understand how a teenager with anxiety would be overwhelmed by the rowdiness. I usually have them run all the energy off outside but it was crazy hot out and I think the minute they saw that Switch they both went ape shit. they don't have electronics other than the phone and the phone is not something they play with much. Even though I don't agree with the two of them leaving, I still think the boys were somewhat in the wrong for not taking NO for an answer.