u/Lost_Stranger_3005

Hi all.
I posted here a little over a week ago, and I didn’t share the full story. I won’t delve into it fully, as things are still progressing. I am not excusing my actions and choices, and I am not undermining my BP’s experience.

But, the update.

I am in the early stages of therapy, and it is going well. Discussing fears of vulnerability, masking, validation seeking and abandonment issues, along with discussing my SA one week prior to meeting my spouse has been eye opening, and can explain why I have adopted behaviors that can lead to becoming a WP.

BP and I went on a date yesterday, and it was amazing. We shared a lot of laughs, watched a good movie, and had a good dinner. I even spent the night in our shared apartment, we played video games together, and I woke up to them having gotten my favorite tea without me asking. I wanted to cry of course.

Before leaving to go back to my mothers’ house, they wanted to hug more than once, which felt reassuring for both of us most likely.

We are keeping conversation minimal, but still sharing laughs and warm moments through text, and have another date next week. They want to have my home cooked meals again before they leave for the military.

With all that being said, I will push to be consistent in therapy, both for recovering from the affair, along with IC to heal as a person. They know this, and we discussed it briefly yesterday, and it seems they even understand my perspective a bit. We agreed to exchange letters while they are in basic, and their mother and I will keep in touch.

Regardless of where the healing independently takes us, I want to be better for future relationships, or become a better spouse for the one I do love. They are not open to reconciliation yet, and can’t be. I understand they are mentally preparing for the military, and don’t want to unpack our marriage a week before they ship out to basic training. They are still rigid on divorce in their words, but their actions contradict that. There is hope through healing, and healing takes time and effort. Consistency and hard work are key.

Good luck to everyone out there. 🩷

Hi all. New to posting, please bear with me. Figuring out terms and stuff as I spend time here.

I am the wayward partner, and my betrayed partner seems to have fully disconnected. I have strayed more than once in the past, and have been wanting therapy to find the root of this.
I love my partner, and wish for reconciliation, but things seem to be too fresh and they have told me they’ve thought on separation for weeks even before finding what I had done. This was their justification. Which I can understand and respect.
However, they are the only person I have been able to bond with so deeply in years, and I do not want to let my actions completely topple what we have made together so far. I’d like to know some experiences, from both sides if possible, and potential advice for reconciliation. I can provide more details if needed.
Thank you for the listen.

Throwaway account.
This is the first time since we have been married, but the third time overall that I have emotionally cheated on my husband. Nothing was physical, it was all online, and sexual discussion was rare or absent, and nothing was ever sent in photo form. My husband and I have been together a total of three years and some change. He does not want to text me, see me, or even discuss anything other than divorce at the moment. I am giving him space, and trying to stay in a positive headspace while also reflecting on my decisions. I love him very, very much, but he says he does not love me in that way anymore, and has been debating divorce the last couple of weeks. I discussed with my mom about only having done these things because I felt something was lacking on the romance side of the marriage for me (something I should have talked with him about, in hindsight) while my husband mentions how my low libido has left him unsatisfied throughout most of the relationship; though unresolved trauma from SA right before we met has made it hard for me to desire intimacy as often as I used to. I am very attracted to him, I love him, I adore him as my partner and my best friend, and genuinely want to better myself to spend our lives together.
Is this something worth saving or even possible to save with therapy on my end and potentially marriage counseling? Or would it be best to fully accept divorce?
TL;DR:
I cheated on my husband and want to get therapy to change for us and don’t know whether this is a viable marriage or we should just get divorced.
(Not sure if this fits the sub; first time poster. Thanks for the read.)