u/Low-Internet258

My mother has been following a woman on Telegram for the past two years. This person posts long videos and voice messages with Islamic reminders. She tends to speak very loudly, almost shouting at times, which really disrupts our family life. Since my mother started listening to these, I feel like she has changed, to the point where her views have become very rigid, even extreme.

For example, one day my mother gave me a “reminder” saying that I must obey my husband no matter what (which is already problematic, but anyway). She added: “even if your husband forbids you from seeing your parents.” I looked at her completely shocked, like “are you serious?” Seeing my reaction, she assumed I was “against religion” and got angry.

I replied: “Okay, but what if it’s for no reason? Just to annoy me? I’m still not going to stop seeing my own parents.” She said yes, I should. I then asked: “So I should ignore him and go see you anyway?” She replied: “If I find out, I won’t even open the door for you. If I don’t know, then consider it as if you spiritually divorced your husband.”

I sighed because she was making no sense. And since she was getting even more angry at my reaction, I just pretended to agree to avoid escalating things.

Another day, I was playing Valorant. I only speak when I’m alone at home, otherwise my parents don’t allow me to use voice chat (even though I’m 21…). Sometimes I mute my mic, but I still listen to other players — I don’t speak, I just listen. My mother again told me to turn off the console because it’s not appropriate to listen to men’s voices. I told her it’s just a game, I’m not even talking, and listening actually helps me locate enemies better. But she insisted that even listening to a man’s voice is haram.

It wasn’t like this before. Even though I already wasn’t allowed to speak freely, listening to other players was never an issue. Now everything is being reframed through this religious lens.

There was even a time when, in the street, I simply said “thank you” while smiling at a man, while I was with her. She threatened me to never smile again and told me I should lower my gaze in front of men. As if I should become rude just to fit this interpretation of religion.

I have so many examples since she started following this woman… it’s starting to feel really suffocating.

I don’t know what to do. To avoid her getting angry, I almost always just agree with her.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 21-year-old woman studying speech and language therapy, and I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives on something that has been bothering me for a long time.

I genuinely find myself unattractive. To the point where I edit every single photo before posting it on social media. When I post edited pictures, people tend to be much more attentive, compliment me, ask if I have a boyfriend, and generally treat me differently. Because of that, I’ve become unable to post a picture without editing it first.

What confuses me is that, in real life, I’ve never really experienced the same thing. I’ve never been approached, complimented on my appearance, or received the kind of attention that some of my friends seem to receive naturally.

Some people might assume this is just low self-esteem, but the strange thing is that I’m actually very comfortable socially. I’m outgoing, enjoy talking to people, can make others laugh, and generally have no problem starting conversations. Nobody who knows me would describe me as insecure, shy, or lacking confidence. I keep those feelings entirely to myself.

At the same time, I sincerely want to become more attractive, both physically and mentally. I’m open to any advice regarding fitness, nutrition, self-improvement, books, mindset, or personal experiences.

There’s another issue that may or may not be related.

Although I’m sociable and comfortable around people, I don’t really have any close friends. People usually enjoy talking to me, and conversations often go well. However, things never seem to progress into genuine friendships.

At university, for example, I talk to several people and have had opportunities where friendships could have developed. I don’t beg for attention or try to force anything. I simply start conversations when we have something in common, and things usually go well. Yet I often end up feeling like the “last choice” or someone people are friendly with but never truly include.

One example that stuck with me happened during an internship. There was a girl there whose personality was very similar to mine, and we got along well. She was also extremely attractive. Over time, the other girls naturally gravitated toward her. They eventually became close friends, spent time together outside of work, and formed a group. I remained on the outside.

Something similar happened at university. I noticed a very attractive girl being approached by other students. A few weeks later, they seemed inseparable and had clearly become friends. Meanwhile, nobody had approached me. Throughout my life, I’ve almost always been the one making the first move.

This has left me wondering: how much does physical attractiveness actually influence friendships and social relationships? Does appearance play a bigger role than people like to admit? Or is there something about my behavior that I’m not aware of?

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts or personal experiences.

Thank you for reading.