u/Low_Scholar_2297

Im 28, my sister is 26. I moved back into my parents granny flat behind their main house about three years ago to save for a deposit on my own place, and weve had an arrangement where I pay them 600 a month which covers part of the utilities and the wifi. My sister moved into the main house two years ago after she finished her postgrad and has been working full time since, and I always assumed she was paying something similar to me but we never actually talked about it directly.

Last night I was bringing some laundry over from my flat and could hear my parents in the kitchen on speakerphone with what sounded like a bank or a credit card company, both clearly stressed about it. I waited until they finished and offered to bump my rent up to 800 or 900 for a few months to help them get on top of things. They were really grateful, my mum nearly cried.

I asked, just as a follow up, what my sister was paying so I could work out the gap. There was a long silence and then my mum said nothing, and my dad got a look on his face I have not seen in years. He told me my sister has not paid a single cent in two years, and on top of that she just bought a brand new car that my dad has been paying the insurance on because she said she was tight that month and the next.

We had a family sit down later that evening and my sister came in defensive from the start. When my parents floated the idea of her paying 300 a month and me staying at 600, she said 100 max because she was "trying to live her life" and "saving for her own future too." I told her I had been saving for mine for three years while paying her in, and she told me to fuck off, said I was being a snitch, and stormed off to her room.

After she left I told my parents I wouldnt be paying any more rent until she starts paying hers, and that whatever she ends up paying is what Im paying too, no more. My mum got upset and said they really needed the money, and I told her thats not my problem to solve alone anymore and went back to my flat.

This morning my dad knocked on my door and told me I was being an asshole for refusing to keep paying, and when I said make my sister pay he said she wont listen to them and they cant force her. I told him thats too bad and shut the door.

AITA?

my wife and i have been married 18 years and our values have always lined up on basically everything and shes one of the most independent women i know.

my younger sister (26) is very close to us both because our parents are pretty hands off and shes treated my wife as a sort of maternal figure for the last decade.

my sister started dating someone new about three months ago, a primary school teacher in his late twenties whos quietly admitted to me a couple of times that he cant believe shes saying yes to a third date with him. shes a bit more polished than him and works in branding and has the lifestyle to match, hes punching above his weight but hes mad about her and treats her really well.

since this started my wife has been coaching her and some of the advice ive overheard has raised my eyebrows, things like "its cute for a man to pay for everything in the first six months, thats how you know hes serious" or "dont worry about the cost of that, if he really liked you hed cover it." my sister has started bragging that she just hints at things and he sorts them, that he ordered her a pair of boots after she sent him a photo of them, that kind of thing.

ive tried to balance it out and ive told my sister that two people in a relationship should contribute roughly the same and that hes a teacher and those boots cost him a fortnight of nights out and he probably said yes because hes scared of losing her. she nods along but the next time my wife says her line my sister is back where she started.

i pulled my wife aside a couple of nights ago and told her shes giving my sister advice that worked in 1995 and that watching my sister talk about her boyfriend the way she has been is leaving a bad taste in my mouth, i told her it isnt cute and it sets my sister up to be the kind of person who treats a partner like a cash machine. she completely blew up, called me an asshole and said i was talking down to her and attacking her for trying to look after my sister.

im thinking about taking my sister out for a coffee on her own this weekend and telling her what i actually think of the advice shes been getting and what a grown up relationship with money actually looks like. my wife will hit the roof if she finds out and i know my sister will tell her everything. WIBTA?

Im 28, work in advertising at a mid sized agency. When I was 22 I was in a car accident that left me with a long visible scar running down the right side of my face. Its been six years and Ive made peace with it, but my industry runs on personal brand and image, and Ive spent most of my career being talked around rather than to.

About four months ago a colleague from another department started chatting to me in the kitchen, showing up at after work drinks. She is well liked, well connected, very visible in the industry, so I was honestly flattered. Within a couple of weeks she asked me out properly and we started seeing each other.

It felt real, she remembered tiny things, made plans, introduced me to her friends. For the first time in six years I stopped thinking about the scar when I was around her, and two months in I was already wondering if this was the relationship that would actually stick.

Last week one of her friends sent me a folder of screenshots without any comment. Her instagram and personal blog were full of posts about me, photos of us out together, captions about how she had "opened her heart" to someone "the world overlooks," how meaningful it had been for her to "see past what others cant." There were even posts logging community service hours for being my mentor. None of it had been visible to me because shed blocked me from those accounts.

It turns out she had been short on personal narrative for an industry award she is up for, one of those diversity and inclusion ones with a fellowship grant and a magazine feature attached. Her friend told me she had asked their whole group to be warm to me until the award was announced in March, then quietly pull back after.

The committee hasnt decided yet. I have the screenshots, her friends statement on text confirming the plan, and the public posts saved. The award is judged partly on character references and demonstrated authenticity, and the committee genuinely cares about that.

I keep going back and forth. Part of me wants to just block her and move on. The other part cant stomach her getting a fellowship for being kind to me when she was treating me as a project the whole time. WIBTA if I sent it all to the committee before they decide?

so my wife and i had been together since we were 15. shes been the person i talked to about everything since we were kids. weve been married three years.

she started getting tired last spring. wiped out tired. shed come home from work and basically pass out by 8pm, weekends shed sleep til noon. she said she felt run down, work was stressful, she was probably anaemic again like she gets sometimes. i agreed. i suggested vitamins.

in june she started getting back pain, she said it was the new desk chair. in august she said her bras were fitting weird and she thought shed lost weight from not eating much, i told her she looked great. in september she mentioned twice that she thought she felt a lump high up under her arm. i said she should get it checked. i didnt make a big deal about it. i didnt ask her about it again.

she finally went to the gp in late october when the back pain got bad enough she couldnt sleep on her left side. they sent her for scans that week. it was breast cancer that had already gone to her bones and her liver. they told us at the first oncology appointment we were looking at months not years.

she died at the end of march. four months from diagnosis. she was 26.

i keep going back to the months between april and october. she told me in different ways at least four times that something didnt feel right, and i told her in different ways at least four times that she was tired and stressed. i was working ten hour days at a new job. i told myself she would tell me if it got worse. i didnt push.

her sister told me at the funeral that my wife had mentioned the lump to her in august too, and shed told her to make me take her in. her sister said and you didnt and i dont know how to be around you right now.

ive been to one grief counselling session. the counsellor said this isnt my fault, that the cancer she had probably wouldnt have changed the outcome much even if wed caught it in june, that what i did is what most spouses do when their healthy 25 year old says shes tired. that might all be true. it doesnt feel true. it feels like i had nine months to be the person who paid attention to her body when she couldnt, and i told her she was probably stressed.

AITA for the months before we knew?