u/Lowercase_g

My husband still lives at home but spends some nights with his girlfriend of two months. Our 5 year old doesn’t know anything other than he is gone more than he used to be. We were talking about going on a trip and staying the night somewhere so we can have time to take our child to the beach or museums or whatever. Husband wants the girlfriend to come along “as a friend” and I have more than once told him I don’t want our child introduced to her yet because I don’t want to confuse our child when later this friend is more than that. I get she is 5 but husband seems to think there is no issue introducing girlfriend as just a friend if there’s no PDA involved. I’m feeling aggravated he isn’t thinking about anything other than feeling bad leaving girlfriend out of the trip.

How do I communicate age appropriately about separation to a young child? Husband and I have a 5 year old. He cheated 2 months ago and has been staying some nights at the AP’s apartment but coming back home some nights and staying to spend time with our child and not completely disrupt her routine. Our child just this week noticed the change and asked where he was one afternoon (he had left the night before and hadn’t come back yet) and mentioned again the other night when he was gone that “Daddy used to be here at night all the time and now he isn’t.” I told her he isn’t going to be here as much as he used to but she’ll still see him. That was enough for her but I know she’ll have more questions eventually. My therapist doesn’t work with kids so had no input on what to say. So far when my husband leaves he just tells her he’s leaving to work or the gym and will be back later.

Husband had an affair 2 months ago and I found out two weeks after. He admitted it to me and after a brief back and forth he admitted he does not want to stop seeing AP and has feelings for her, wants to be with her, all that. AP has separated from her husband and moved into her own apartment. Husband and I agreed we are in trial separation but we have a 5 year old at home (AP’s kids are adults so not the same dynamic) so he has not moved out to not throw our child’s world upside down. I don’t know what I’m doing, I didn’t sign up for this. We both love each other and husband has said he doesn’t feel like he wants to leave us but he does want to be with AP and can’t have both ultimately. I wish I could say I’m filled with rage but I’m not, I want my family and to reconcile but can’t do that when he wants to be with AP. So separation it is I guess. For context he’d move in with her if he left (no parents or family to stay with) and I am not sending my child to a stranger’s one bedroom apartment. So she’d stay at home every night.

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 12 and a half. We have a 5 year old together. He cheated two months ago with a coworker while on a work trip and told me two weeks later. Since the disclosure he has been transparent and honest with me but he has held his ground he wants to date AP and she wants to be with him too. I’m stuck in the early stages of shock and confusion trying to understand why he would choose her so quickly, if he even will keep choosing her, while also trying to figure out where to put my feelings for him. I can’t just turn off 12 years of love like that. I didn’t suspect a thing, we have had a wonderful and healthy trusting relationship this whole time with only minor funks that come with raising a toddler and a brief period of time 10 years ago where he was struggling mentally after the loss of his parents. He agrees he wasn’t unhappy with us or searching for an out but due to drinking and the close proximity on the trip he developed feelings for AP, she reciprocated those feelings. I am a very chill person by nature so I’m riding the wave of making no rash decisions right now and we just started couples counseling for support. While of course I want him to stay, I fully recognize he might ultimately leave and be with AP and I don’t know how that’s going to look when we still have to interact with each other because we have a small child. Do I hate him and be bitter for what he’s done or try to be open to a blended family for the sake of my child?