u/Lucky-Phase-3416

I just simply do not give a fuck if someone gets pregnant. I find all the excitement around pregnancy so weird because it just feels what humans do sometimes. I’ve wondered if it’s jealousy but I really don’t know if I want kids. There was a pregnant woman at my work who used that excuse to not do completely reasonable work. All the girls are so excited for it and I’m just not. It makes me feel left out in a way because it feels like I have to genuinely fake excitement or being happy for someone, that’s the only way I know how to describe it is I just literally do not care

I’ve always been extremely pro choice and a devote feminist. I never thought having an abortion would cause me the grief it has. They would have been about 2, maybe 3 by now.

I know it was the best and right choice but it still haunts me. The what ifs. I had a really bad manic episode and let 3 different people finish inside of me In the span of a month. Id never done anything like that in my life, I felt so gross. While I had an idea who that father was, I really didn’t know.

I’m on the fence about whether I even want kids. In my head she was a girl. I caught it very early, probably just 6 weeks or so. I’m 31 and still single, and I often wonder if that was my only chance. I have pcos and honestly thought I was infertile, which I justified in my manic mind that it would be alright.

I don’t know, I just get really sad about it sometimes. I picture what my life would be like with my baby, even though I know I’m romanticizing it in my head. The father wouldn’t have been there with me, not living together, who I think that dad was already had two kids from two different women but I still can’t help and break down about it sometimes

I feel so jealous when I see people pregnant, and able to be excited and in a happy supportive relationship.

Thank you for reading, it really just feels like no one understands and I even feel like this years later