u/Lumpy-Guide-7462

Me (27F) was talking with a guy friend (M34) we were just chatting about life and dating etc. and what he said and what I’ve seen thousands of men say really kinda discourages me of how men think.
What he said I’ll get to this in a sec
My background : I have been celibate for 6 years. I’ve only been with 2 guys sexually both were in relationships. I’m kind of complicated because my sex drive is really high and very visual and lusty and frequent. From what I hear that’s what men say theirs is like. But here’s where it’s hard for me, my body is always screaming to hook up with tons of men because I’m horny and every decent looking guy seems doable lol but my heart and values sees sex as a beautiful sacred thing that is almost soul bonding and should be in a connected committed relationship. In other words I don’t see sex as something casual or like a handshake that’s how my morals feel like is right to me. That sex is the most intimate thing you can do with someone. Now, can I separate sex and emotion if I wanted to? Yes, but I don’t choose to. So when I date, I’m looking for a man that thinks the same way and doesn’t just give his body to anyone just because he’s horny and someone’s offering. I value self respect and self control. Trust me i know it’s hard, but if we really want to we can. Now onto what my guy friend said he said that “You’re not gonna find a guy that sees sex like that for guys sex is like taking a piss it’s just something biological it means nothing. Guys are just wired that way we hunt for sex and if it’s offered we take it we don’t even have to like the girl as long as she’s got a hole we’re down. Only girls see sex as sacred or intimate. That’s why guys can cheat and still love their partner because sex is separate from attachment and our hormones are so powerful it’s hard not to sleep around or say no to opportunities.” When I told him about how strong and even excruciating sometimes my hormones can be too he was like “Nah it’s different for us” I was so discouraged but then I thought maybe that’s just his opinion so I looked online and literally so many guys are saying the same thing with a couple saying no it’s not true. So I’m so confused on how guys see sex and cheating? Is it really only physical and so mechanical and devoid of intimacy or feeling for all or most guys? Are there any of you who only want sex in a relationship or don’t ever do casual sex? Any guys who choose not to compartmentalize sex and emotion? Cuz if my hormones are extremely strong and sometimes get in the way of my work depending on my mood than how strong are yalls then that it’s hard not to cheat or sleep around? Are these dudes full of it? Or is this really universal for guys? Cuz at this point I’m discouraged in dating if guys have such crude mechanical way of seeing sex and relationships.

Sorry for the long post! Just want some perspectives! I refuse to believe all men are a monolith like a lot of guys are claiming so that’s why I’m asking! Be 100% honest no sugarcoating!

I absolutely hated and felt confused about why society, media, relationship advice and psychology has explained and portrayed women’s sexuality! They always say women have responsive desire and only want sex when they have an emotional connection, that we’re wired to not be able to separate sex and emotion, that we don’t watch porn and aren’t turned on by men’s bodies because we aren’t visual like men, that our sexuality is contextual and relational and strictly monogamous and we don’t ever want variety. All this is total bullshit to me, as a woman with a largely spontaneous desire, visual, porn user, lusting after men I don’t know just cuz I think they’re hot, getting turned on quickly just from visuals and wanting sex randomly out of the blue cuz I have strong urges, growing up feeling this and constantly being told that these are male or masculine traits and this is how men are wired really messed with my self esteem. I’ve been told men are dogs, will fuck anyone, sex is only physical for them and only men are visual and want variety. I felt so left out by the way women and girls are described in our sexuality and when I was a teen in sex ed it was only about how boys get horny physically and watch porn. Never about girls being horny and watching porn, parents never talked about girls being horny it’s always just boys. That always bothered me. But then my friends growing up also did the same things as me and just as horny and visual so like why is psychology, media and society always saying we don’t?? It’s so confusing. Any ladies here relate??