u/MadamNerd

Background: I'm a single mom with an 11 year old daughter. Her dad and I split up 5 years ago, and he moved out once the lease ended. He wasn't super involved as a parent anyway, and it's dwindled even further over the years. He lives 12 MINUTES away and currently hasn't seen her in 5 weeks. It's always some excuse: he's sick, he's broke, he doesn't have a car (I'd take her over to his house if he asked, but he doesn't), he's fighting with his on-again/off-again girlfriend, etc.

Yesterday, kiddo made some comment about not having seen him in over a month. I asked her if that bothered her and she said "yeah kinda", but didn't say anything more. I told her I was sorry and that it wasn't her fault. She left it at that, until bedtime. I was tucking her in, when she looked at me and said "Mom, do you think my dad loves me?"

My. Heart. Shattered. This poor kid who only wants her dad to fucking show up for a few hours a week really thought that she wasn't worthy of being seen.

I couldn't help it and teared up. I told her that I think he loves her in the way he knows how, but unfortunately it's not in the way she deserves. And that she has other people who love her and will always show up for her. It seemed to help, but I think she was still a little sad.

This kid is so funny and smart and sweet, and it breaks my heart that she even questions if she is worthy. I know it's normal for kids who have inconsistent parents (I've been there myself with my own dad), but man. It felt like someone took a hammer to my chest and I've been so sad and angry that he makes her feel that way.

I don't think I need advice, because obviously I'm going to do everything I can to reassure her and have her know her worth. But I just needed to yell into the clouds a bit! Ugh.