23-month-old with very limited speech — speech delay, autism, or something else? Looking for parents' experiences
I’m a father of a little boy who will turn 23 months old on October 9th (he will be 2 years old on November 9th).
We’ve been observing a few things in his development recently, particularly around speech and communication, and naturally as parents we’re trying to understand whether what we’re seeing is simply a speech/language delay or whether there are other developmental aspects that we should get evaluated.
I’m NOT looking for an online diagnosis from Reddit. I would really appreciate hearing from parents who have gone through something similar with their toddlers — what their children were like at this age, what eventually happened, and what signs helped them understand what was going on.
I’ll try to describe both the things that concern us and the things that seem encouraging.
🗣️ SPEECH / COMMUNICATION
This is probably our biggest concern.
He currently has very few/no clear meaningful spoken words.
Most of the time he makes sounds like “ooo”, “aa”, “oh”, etc. He uses sounds, gestures, pointing and actions much more than actual words.
A few months ago, he used to say “mama” and “papa” more often, but he has largely stopped using those words.
Recently, on one occasion when his mother moved away from him, he seemed to say “mam mam” once or twice.
Sometimes his sounds seem different from his usual sounds, almost as if he may be trying to say something, but we cannot understand what he is trying to communicate.
👉 POINTING / REQUESTING
One thing that makes us feel that he may understand more than he can express is the way he communicates what he wants.
For example:
\- If he wants the tablet, he points toward it and makes sounds.
\- He has brought the remote to us to ask us to turn something on.
\- He sometimes points toward the elevator button to indicate that he wants us to press it.
\- If he wants something opened, he brings the object/package to us.
\- He repeatedly brought a packet of Vicks candies to us because he wanted us to open it.
\- If he wants something that we have, he may point toward it and make his usual sound.
\- He can sometimes communicate a request without using words.
🧠 CAUSE-AND-EFFECT / UNDERSTANDING
He seems to understand certain cause-and-effect relationships.
For example:
He knows that pressing the elevator button makes the elevator arrive.
He gets very excited when the elevator opens and claps.
He also has a strong association between Alexa and the AC. For the last few months, he sometimes goes near the Alexa/AC area, looks toward the AC, then looks at us and makes his usual sound, almost as if he is asking us to say/use the Alexa command to turn the AC on/off.
Another example was with a glass of Diet Coke.
He saw us drinking it, wanted some, and asked for it through his gestures/sounds. When the glass was tilted and he thought the drink was finished, he became very upset and started crying because he wanted more.
🔨 HAMMER + BALL TOY
This was actually one of the more interesting things we observed.
We bought him a toy where a ball needs to be placed into the toy and then pushed down using a hammer.
Initially, he was not doing it correctly. He would sometimes turn the hammer around, throw it, or use the toy incorrectly.
But within LESS THAN 24 HOURS, he understood the mechanics of the toy.
He independently put the ball into the correct area and then used the hammer to push it down.
He was doing the sequence on his own without us continuously guiding him.
This made us wonder whether this shows that he is capable of understanding cause-and-effect, learning through observation/trial and error, and figuring out how a toy works once he has had some exposure to it.
🚗 OTHER TOYS / SHAPES
We also bought shape-sorting toys.
Initially, he would put shapes incorrectly, turn them around, or sometimes simply throw them.
He also sometimes throws small toy cars instead of playing with them functionally.
However, he does explore toys and sometimes figures out how they work after repeated exposure.
📚 BOOKS / LEARNING
We recently stopped TV completely and started doing more interactive activities.
He independently picks up books, opens them, looks through them and brings them to us.
Sometimes he brings a book to us as if he wants us to open/read it.
However, if we point to a picture and say:
“Circle.”
“Triangle.”
“Fruit.”
“Green.”
he often does not pay attention to the exact thing we are pointing at.
He may look at another page, another book, or somewhere else.
He does not consistently identify colours or shapes when we ask him.
At the same time, he is interested enough in books to pick them up himself and bring them to us.
👀 EYE CONTACT
His eye contact is not completely absent.
When we call him normally from a normal distance, he does look at us.
When he wants to interact with us, he can make proper eye contact.
However, if we intentionally go very close to his face and say “idhar dekho” / “look here” and try to make him look directly into our eyes, he often looks away or avoids looking directly at our eyes.
So the concern is not that he never makes eye contact. He does make spontaneous eye contact when he wants to.
The concern is that he does not consistently respond when we intentionally try to get him to look at us.
👂 RESPONSE TO NAME / INSTRUCTIONS
This is another major concern for us.
If we call him, sometimes he turns and looks at us.
But at other times, especially when he is interested in something, he completely ignores us.
He also often doesn't follow simple instructions like:
“Come here.”
“Sit down.”
“Bring this.”
“Give this to me.”
Sometimes it feels like he simply wants to do what he wants to do and doesn't listen to our instructions.
We are unsure whether he doesn't understand the instruction, doesn't want to follow it, is too focused on what he is doing, or whether his limited language/communication is affecting this.
👋 IMITATION
He does imitate some actions.
For example, when we say “hello” and show him an object, he sometimes takes the object near his ear and makes an “ooo/oh” type sound.
He does NOT actually say “hello.”
He mainly copies the action of holding something near his ear.
He also imitates certain other gestures/actions.
He claps when he is happy or excited.
❤️ SOCIAL / PLAYFUL BEHAVIOUR
There are also some behaviours that make us feel reassured.
For example, he has figured out that touching a particular spot on me makes me feel ticklish.
He deliberately repeats the action because he knows it makes me laugh.
So he seems to understand that his action can produce a reaction from another person, and he sometimes repeats it specifically for that reaction.
He also brings books/toys to us.
He wants us to open things for him.
He sometimes wants us to participate in what he is doing.
He enjoys playing with a ball and sometimes throws it back.
🛗 ELEVATOR INTEREST
He has a very clear routine around the elevator.
When he wakes up and comes into the hall, he often wants to go outside.
He goes toward the elevator, presses the button, and gets extremely excited when the elevator opens.
He claps when it arrives.
Previously he would press the button himself.
Recently, sometimes he points toward the button as if asking us to press it for him.
This makes me feel that he understands that the button has a purpose and that pressing it results in the elevator arriving.
🛒 DMART / SHOPPING MALL BEHAVIOUR
Another example is when we go to places like DMart or shopping malls.
He becomes extremely excited.
He doesn't want to stay in our arms and doesn't want to sit quietly in the shopping trolley.
He wants to get down and run around, explore everything and especially likes going toward the elevator.
If we stop him or try to redirect him, he can become extremely cranky.
He may cry, kick his legs, resist us and completely ignore our instructions in that moment.
He seems much more difficult to redirect in highly stimulating environments like shopping malls.
I'm wondering whether this is simply typical toddler excitement/overstimulation and difficulty with impulse control, or whether parents of children with developmental delays/autism have experienced something similar.
🔄 SPINNING
This is another thing that worried me after reading autism-related posts.
He sometimes spins himself, but not constantly.
He does NOT sit and stare at the ceiling fan spinning.
He does NOT continuously spin objects or wheels while watching them.
He may occasionally spin himself when he feels like it.
However, he LOVES the rotating playground equipment where children sit/stand and spin.
He gets very excited when he can rotate on it.
I recently read some autism-parent experiences where children were very fascinated by spinning fans, wheels and objects, and it made me anxious.
So I'm trying to understand whether simply enjoying a playground spinner or occasionally spinning himself is common toddler behaviour or something parents of autistic children have also observed.
📺 SCREEN TIME / COCOMELON
He previously watched quite a lot of Cocomelon/TV.
We have now completely stopped it for more than a week and are trying to replace screen time with:
\- Books
\- Toys
\- Outdoor play
\- Physical activity
\- Face-to-face interaction
\- More interaction with parents
Since stopping, we have noticed that he is making some different/new sounds compared with his previous constant “ooo/oh” type sound.
We obviously don't know whether this is related to stopping screen time or simply normal developmental progression.
We don't want to assume that stopping Cocomelon will automatically solve his speech delay.
🚩 MAIN THINGS THAT WORRY US
Our biggest concerns are:
- Very limited/no meaningful speech at almost 2 years.
- He previously said “mama/papa” more often but has largely stopped.
- Response to his name is inconsistent.
- Eye contact is inconsistent, especially when we intentionally try to get him to look at us.
- He doesn't consistently follow simple verbal instructions.
- He doesn't consistently engage with things we try to teach him.
- He can become extremely frustrated/cranky when we prevent him from doing something he wants.
- He doesn't consistently identify colours/shapes when we ask.
- His communication is mostly through sounds, gestures, pointing and actions rather than words.
🟢 THINGS THAT MAKE US FEEL POSITIVE
At the same time, there are several things that make us feel that he may understand more than he can verbally express:
- He points to things he wants.
- He brings objects to us to request help.
- He understands some cause-and-effect relationships.
- He understands familiar routines.
- He has learned the mechanics of a toy within less than 24 hours and then performed it independently.
- He imitates some actions and gestures.
- He uses gestures to communicate.
- He sometimes intentionally repeats actions that make us laugh.
- He brings books/toys to us.
- He enjoys interacting with us.
- He gets excited about familiar activities like the elevator and playground spinner.
- He has started making some new/different sounds recently.
- He can independently explore and use some objects and technology.
- He appears to understand certain situations even though he doesn't express himself with words.
❓ WHAT I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND
For parents who have been through something similar:
Did your child have very limited speech at around 23–24 months but still point, request things, imitate actions, understand routines and cause-and-effect, and enjoy interacting with parents?
Did your child sometimes understand things but still not follow verbal instructions consistently?
Did your child have inconsistent eye contact but still make spontaneous eye contact when they wanted to interact?
Did your child become extremely excited or difficult to redirect in places like supermarkets/shopping malls?
Did your child enjoy spinning playground equipment without having repetitive spinning behaviour involving fans or wheels?
Did your child initially have very limited words but later develop speech?
Did your child initially seem to have a speech delay and eventually catch up?
And for parents whose children eventually received an autism diagnosis: what signs became clearer over time that made you realise it was more than a speech delay?
I'm especially interested in real experiences from parents rather than simply “yes/no, this is autism.”
I know Reddit cannot diagnose a child, and we are considering getting a proper developmental/speech/hearing evaluation. I mainly want to hear from parents who have actually lived through similar situations.
Thank you for reading such a long post, and thank you in advance to anyone who shares their experience. 🙏