u/MajesticLow344

get your big ass ears out the fucking post

i relapsed. held the blade out infront of my own brother, and he only laughed and celebrated. i dont know why i even waited for him to leave my room, i shouldve started ripping myself apart right infront of him, give him something funny to watch. dealing with people like this constantly, a shithole of a world full of even worse 'people', and you expect me to be happy with it? a world where being yourself gets you punished or killed, people support the same people that make this world even worse, defend eachothers horrible actions, and you still expect me to move on and forget, as if nothing happened. 17 years of this, 17 years spent, and it only took me until recently to find out how horrible everything really is, and the even funnier part is that half of this was caused by one fucking misaligned chromosome, i couldve been what i was supposed to be, but now i never will, and ill forever be fucking mocked and ridiculed for it. just like for every other mistake.

i held out the blade infront of him, my own brother, and he only laughed and celebrated. i dont care how special needs he is, im not going to fucking tolerate living with and in a world full of nothing but psychopaths. i relapsed because of him, and he couldnt be more proud of it. why do you bother defending and advocating for living in this world? its only full of suffering, and horrible 'people' making it even more of a shithole. humanity deserves so much worse than just destruction, and you expect me to crawl back to the same species, the same race that put me into this horrible fucking body, making me hyperconscious, making me the wrong way, for support. telling me to "try" as if they didnt ruin every single fucking attempt in one way or another. what is the point of ANY of this? i cant make my own purpose because my purpose is to already suffer for entertainment. whats even more hilarious is that the other half of this was caused by ONE, ONE misaligned chromosome. but when has fate ever thrown me anything? when has ANYONE thrown me anything except pure hate or fake kindness? youll insult me for being so hateful, but you only taught and showed me that same hate. i really dont care how many people are "good" or "different", you cant redeem a single one of them. we all deserve much worse than destruction, but youll still try to defend all their actions, and support the same people only making this shithole even more unbearable.

i have been essentially forced into the role of a villain, but its not like i could ever do anything, im pathetic. not a woman. not a human. pathetic.

it has been so long, i lost count of the last time i did it, but it wont last. why do i cry out for help, knowing words cant fix a single thing? knowing i will get the same responses and arguments, over and over and over. i am nothing more than pathetic. but its not like anyone else has to live in this body, over half of this bullshit was caused over a single misaligned chromosome, its all so funny, i cant stop laughing. i still keep coming back knowing how horrible this world is, knowing nobody can or will help.

17 years, all of that pain could end in an instant, a few moments of pain before its finally over, and you still try to justify living on this mistake of a planet? with these THINGS? it has been so long since i relapsed, and i only feel it closing in more and more, nobody will care, nobody will notice, nobody will stop me, it will just be like any other time. i will never understand how any of you can defend and even justify the horrific actions of others, pull any excuse, try to claim to be "different", but honestly, we all are horrible in one way or another, even if some less than others, still horrible. trying to tell me my life "WILL" turn around like its a fucking prophecy, as if you know how itll end. my own biology fucked me over, and im told to "accept" it as if i ever asked to be born in a husk. telling me to "find people" from the same exact species, the same exact people that pushed me to this point, for some kind of "support", as if words can fix ANYTHING.

estrogen and stuff

d

downvotes incoming 💔

my words are meaningless, my life is nothing more than a massive joke, i am sick of trying to be reasonable. people will not fucking listen, no matter what i do, they wont listen for even 5 fucking seconds. why is ANYONE trying to convince me that living in a world full of psychopaths and sadists is worth it? a world where horrific actions are rewarded and praised, where being different gets you completely fucking exiled and harassed and made fun of by every other person, even your supposed "own" people. i am completely sick of trying to be reasonable, its not like anyone ever cared what i did to myself. its not your body, or your life, or your problem, so why try to stop me? youll just laugh like every other person does. humanity is nothing more than sick joke, and the more i think, the more i realize that being an outcast to humanity was better off, i do not want to affiliate with humanity, i was never treated even close to human anyway, and all humanity does is ruin this world even more and tear eachother apart for entertainment, for a few more minutes of pleasure. kindness has been reduced to a joke, something that people only use to get their way or to backstab others, nothing genuine. i tore myself apart, pretty much completely lose my mind at this point, just to be laughed at. treated as insignificant. even by my own supposed 'family' and 'friends'. lied to so many times, told it will get better just to be stabbed in the chest another 50 times. have all of my dreams killed and watch everyone else get everything they could ever want, be treated as human, be accepted, be loved, realize their dreams. and what did i get? a body i hate more than almost anything else on this planet, knowing i can do NOTHING other than tear it apart. a 'family' that does nothing but shit down my throat, and are borderline psychopaths. a voice that makes me want to claw my own throat out every single time i hear it. a heart that doesnt beat anymore because of how many times its been stomped on, beaten, and laughed at for having basic emotions. a mind that does nothing except constantly scream at me, constantly telling me to kill myself, reminding me that i will never be what i was supposed to. but you know what? none of this means a single thing. nobody will listen.