I am just so fking tired!
I’m genuinely done, man.
I just want to give a brief background of everything that has happened over these past two years because from the outside, it might just look like “another student who failed.” But trust me, things were far more complicated than that.
My results:
• JEE Main: 76 percentile
• Boards (PCMB): 78.4%
• BITSAT Session 1: 105 marks
And honestly, these numbers shattered me because I was never expecting things to fall this badly.
The only exams where I somehow managed to perform decently were:
• KIITEE: 87.29 percentile
• VITEEE: 20529 rank
I’ve already booked a seat in CSE (Data Science) at KIIT, and I’ll most probably join as a day scholar.
But deep inside, I still feel broken.
Please stay tuned to my account because very soon I’ll post the complete story behind these failures. I genuinely feel that a lot of what happened was beyond my control, almost as if life or divine power had already planned everything differently for me.
The biggest shock was my board result.
I was honestly expecting above 90%, but when I saw 78.4%, it completely destroyed whatever confidence I had left.
At this point, I’ve almost lost all hope for BITSAT Session 2 as well.
I even purchased the Phodu Club mock test series — 15 mocks in total — but I could only manage to give around 7–8 of them. I just can’t study anymore. My mind refuses to cooperate now.
Mentally, I’m exhausted.
I genuinely wish college started tomorrow itself because I’m so tired of this endless exam cycle.
Recently, my dad bought the IAT mock test series from SciAstra because he still believes I can crack IAT or NEST. But the problem is… I can’t even explain to him how exhausted I truly feel inside.
My mom says that if I really want to make my father happy, I need to crack BITSAT, IAT, or NEST.
But honestly?
I’m drained.
Completely drained.
I don’t want to study Physics, Chemistry, and Maths again and again and again anymore. These subjects have become mentally exhausting for me after everything that happened in the last two years.
I’ve lost my interest, my motivation, and almost all emotional connection with PCM at this point.
Still, my parents want me to keep giving more exams just to “test my knowledge.”
But I seriously can’t do this loop anymore.
These last two years have genuinely been tragic for me in ways I probably can’t fully explain yet.
Right now, I just want to move on with life.
I only want to study subjects related to Computer Science now. That’s it.
No more PCM loops.
No more entrance exam pressure.
No more constantly proving myself through marks.
I’m tired.
Mentally, emotionally, and physically tired.