Whats wrong with me? I genuinely dont know anymore
I don’t really know where to start, but I feel like something has been wrong with me for a long time.
Every single day feels exactly the same It doesn’t matter if I go to the gym go for a run train MMA hang out with people or stay home doing nothing. I still end up feeling the exact same inside. It’s like nothing has any lasting effect on me
People always say go to the gym exercise, go outside, find hobbies and I’ve done all of that. I train consistently and try to take care of myself physically, but mentally I feel like I’m standing in the same place every day.
I used to be a heavy drinker and smoked weed a lot. I honestly thought getting sober would fix the way I felt. I quit both and while I’m happy I did the feeling never went away. If anything I realized the alcohol and weed were probably just distracting me from whatever was already there
I’ve been through some difficult things in my life. My brother died by suicide a couple of years ago, but I honestly don’t know if that’s why I feel this way I don’t spend every day grieving or thinking about it which is part of why I’m so confused. I can’t point to one event and say, This is the reason.
I also feel like nobody really understands me. Not my friends and honestly not even my girlfriend it’s not that they don’t care I know they do I just don’t think anyone understands what goes on in my head the problem is I don’t even know how to explain it. Every time I try, I either can’t find the words or I end up saying Never mind.
I’ve been asking myself if I’m depressed, emotionally numb burnt out or if I’m just overthinking everything. Then I wonder if maybe there’s actually something wrong with me I honestly don’t know anymore.
The weird thing is that I still function I wake up train, go through my day, talk to people, and do what I’m supposed to do From the outside I probably seem completely normal but inside everything feels flat I don’t really get excited about anything anymore. I’m not always sad I just feel like I’m existing instead of actually living.
I’m not suicidal, and I don’t want to hurt myself. I’m posting this because I genuinely want to know if anyone else has felt like this. If you have, what did it turn out to be? Depression? Burnout? Something else? And what actually helped?
I just want to understand what’s happening to me because I’m tired of feeling like every day is a copy of the last.