u/Maleficent-Fall-7369

Like seriously guys, how does it even work?? My father literally don't give any shit about gender or marriage or anything, he just want us to get a job, but on other hand, my mother, who grew up in same patriarchal household and faced struggles, she still judge women who refuse to get married even when they're 30+ and she thinks that women should get married before 30 because every thing has a proper "time" though she says it for both men and women, I mean she judge men too who don't get married for so long, but she mostly target women only. But she's not that extreme patriarchal, I mean she want us to get a job and also it's not like she thinks sons are better than daughters (she said she wanted her first child to be a girl). But still, she is kinda patriarchal, and my father is not, like bro, he sometimes even criticize her for it.

Like do any of you guys have similiar dynamic at your home?? 😭🙏🏻

"for every one male victim, there are 1000 female victims" "ever seen women forcefully groping men, or making them feel uncomfortable?" "Women are being tortured for centuries but suddenly, everyone is sympathizing for male victims" These are the things we often hear when the topic is male victimization. People find it pretty hard to grasp that men can be victims of women, and even when they acknowledge it, they still think that it's such a rare case. Everyone talk about stats, stats saying that male victims are small minority, and sometimes, there aren't even any stats, so people just recite the common saying "for every men, there are 1000 women being tortured" I'm not saying they're wrong, but we can't also say if they're right.

To know a fair gap between male and female victimization, we need fair studies, researches and surveys on both the sides. Currently, there aren't enough surveys and studies for male victimization to compare it with female victimization, when some countries don't even measure male victims, then obviously gap between male and female victimization is gonna be huge, because one side is not even measured properly.

Now, people throw around stats saying "men=violent, women=victims" but what happens when researchers find something different.... Something complicated, something which don't follow the common narrative of "men=preparators, women=helpless victims"? They get public backlash and Harrassment, and death threats. There were a few researchers in past who made a research about similiar prevalence of female and male violence, and suggests that domestic violence isn't necessarily strictly gendered issue of male patriarchy. Those researchers were:

Erin Pizzey, an internationally recognized pioneer who established the world's first domestic violence shelter, Chiswick Women's Aid, in London in 1971. Through extensive intake surveys, she found that 62% of the women entering her shelter were "violence-prone" and equally or more violent than the men they left. She asserted that domestic abuse is relational and rooted in childhood trauma rather than a strictly gendered issue of male patriarchy. After publishing her findings in her 1982 book Prone to Violence and proposing shelters for abused men, she faced severe backlash from militant factions. This included massive protests, bomb threats, and death threats that required police to intercept her mail and escort her during book tours. The intense harassment ultimately forced her to leave the UK for her safety.

Dr. Murray Straus & Dr. Richard Gelles, highly influential American sociologists who co-founded the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire. In 1975 and 1985, they conducted the landmark National Family Violence Surveys. They utilized the Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS) and discovered nearly equal rates of physical aggression initiated by men and women in intimate relationships, a concept known as gender symmetry in domestic violence. Their findings fiercely contradicted the prevailing political models of the era. Dr. Straus was subjected to systemic academic boycotts, shouted down at conferences, and received numerous death threats. Dr. Gelles also documented receiving death threats, bomb scares directed at his lecture halls, and coordinated campaigns demanding his termination from his academic post.

Dr. Suzanne Steinmetz, an American sociologist who worked alongside Straus and Gelles. In 1977, she published a groundbreaking study explicitly titled "The Battered Husband Syndrome," bringing empirical attention to the hidden prevalence of severely abused men. Following the publication, Steinmetz faced severe personal and professional terrorization. Radical groups issued bomb threats to her university, threatened her children's lives, and successfully pressured organizations to revoke her research funding and speaking invitations.

All these people were bashed, harrassed and recieved death threats just because their findings claimed something different than the common societal narrative. And also the backlash wasn't necessarily because the findings were wrong or misleading, yeah methodology in some cases was criticised by some other researchers but another reason for such massive public backlash for these people was fear of shattering the common narrative and hence withdrawing attention and funding for female victims. Some radicalized feminist groups and their leaders sent direct threats and physical intimidation to these researchers, and the researchers were forced hide their findings from public. I get their fear of withdrawal of attention from female victims but it's still screwed up to literally send murder threats to someone who find high prevalence of male victimization because you see it as a threat to your own group 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I don't even know if I should call it slut shaming because it happened with a boy and slut is a word used for girls so...... Whatever you wanna call it, but it wasn't right.

So it happened back when we were in 9th grade, it was English period, and the teacher came in class and told a boy to stand up and asked, "are you not wearing an undershirt?" And the boy ofcourse was startled because he was probably not expecting this question and then she grabbed his shirt aggressively, pulled him towards herself, and yelled, "you think you're a hero?? You're in college?? Where is your undershirt?" And the boy just stood there shaken, he said, "sorry mam" but she kept shaking him like, "don't you have any manners?? You're sitting with girls!! And you aren't wearing an undershirt?? Shame on you!!" And the guy was just so very baffled because wtf?? 😭🙏🏻

Now, first of all, I don't know what she was looking into but looking at him, I couldn't tell if he was wearing an "undershirt" or not, and secondly, the guy was 14..... A LITERAL YOUNG TEENAGER!!! SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HUMILIATE HIM INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS!!! These matters are supposed to be handled privately, NOT INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS!! PHYSICALLY SHAKING THE GUY!! And also, what did she mean by "you are sitting with girls" WHY IS HE SUPPOSED TO DRESS DIFFERENTLY FOR GIRLS??? I mean there could be other reasons for the particular dress code, but presenting it as "you're supposed to wear it because you're sitting with opposite gender" is just so disgusting and cheap thinking!! Like he wasn't even being problematic, he was just sitting politely on his bench!! And out of nowhere she started humiliating him because "be modest infront of girls🥺👉🏻👈🏻" And he was so affected that the next day he literally wore a tshirt under his shirt...... I mean I just hate that teacher for humiliating a boy for just existing with wrong dress code, she could've handled it respectfully.

We've seen girls getting slut shamed and it's talked about a lot as it should be, but I've noticed that similiar things happen to boys too..... It's not called slut shaming, but it is still problematic.

I don't even know if I should call it slut shaming because it happened with a boy and slut is a word used for girls so...... Whatever you wanna call it, but it wasn't right.

So it happened back when we were in 9th grade, it was English period, and the teacher came in class and told a boy to stand up and asked, "are you not wearing an undershirt?" And the boy ofcourse was startled because he was probably not expecting this question and then she grabbed his shirt aggressively, pulled him towards herself, and yelled, "you think you're a hero?? You're in college?? Where is your undershirt?" And the boy just stood there shaken, he said, "sorry mam" but she kept shaking him like, "don't you have any manners?? You're sitting with girls!! And you aren't wearing an undershirt?? Shame on you!!" And the guy was just so very baffled because wtf?? 😭🙏🏻

Now, first of all, I don't know what she was looking into but looking at him, I couldn't tell if he was wearing an "undershirt" or not, and secondly, the guy was 14..... A LITERAL YOUNG TEENAGER!!! SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HUMILIATE HIM INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS!!! These matters are supposed to be handled privately, NOT INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS!! PHYSICALLY SHAKING THE GUY!! And also, what did she mean by "you are sitting with girls" WHY IS HE SUPPOSED TO DRESS DIFFERENTLY FOR GIRLS??? I mean there could be other reasons for the particular dress code, but presenting it as "you're supposed to wear it because you're sitting with opposite gender" is just so disgusting and cheap thinking!! Like he wasn't even being problematic, he was just sitting politely on his bench!! And out of nowhere she started humiliating him because "be modest infront of girls🥺👉🏻👈🏻" And he was so affected that the next day he literally wore a tshirt under his shirt...... I mean I just hate that teacher for humiliating a boy for just existing with wrong dress code, she could've handled it respectfully.

We've seen girls getting slut shamed and it's talked about a lot as it should be, but I've noticed that similiar things happen to boys too..... It's not called slut shaming, but it is still problematic.