u/Malignaficent

My baby girl was supposed to be a rainbow after two miscarriages. Instead, six weeks ago she became an angel suddenly in the third trimester.

People who mean well have been encouraging me to have hope or keep hope for the future or future pregnancies. I'm ALL OUT HOPE ! I had hope, and joy and resilience all throughout this pregnancy. Fat lot of good it did in the end. Why must I be in a position to have to emotionally strive again, my partner and I did our time. We worked through previous losses and healed our relationship and ourselves.

Any pregnancy after loss is hard. Now, how do people literally expect me to be hopeful after stillbirth and recurrent losses. They can do the hoping then and the emotional heavy lifting, and see if it makes any difference!

Thank you for reading, end of rant.

It's been two weeks since birthing my daughter and the sudden whiplash of being so pregnant then not, expecting a baby then not, is torturing me alive.

Perusing this sub, several moms have stated that the fresh grief, shock and devastation eases a little once afterbirth is finished and the first period returns ? Can any loss parents weigh in on whether this was true in your experience?

Trigger warning: living child.

Packing my hospital bag as my husband and I prepare to induce our beloved baby who was confirmed without heartbeat yesterday at 32 weeks pregnant.

We've known it's a girl for a while and won't lie or pretend we didn't have a preference. We wanted this girl, we have a boy already whom we love to pieces. My parents will only get grandchildren from me because my sibling has special needs and will not have children.

Part of that hospital packing exercise was half trashing the nursery, half rage throwing all those pretty girl clothes into garbage storage bags never to see the light of day again. I feel so so duped, foolish and stupid. The whole wardrobe was bought. My mum and friends bought the most gorgeous clothes and spent so much money.

Now it'll be back to me pretending to not see the cute girls aisles and toys. I'll feel like an imposter again browsing those sections even though it was completely my place to, while heathily pregnant.

I dread the very thought of getting pregnant again one day with a boy and being so so thoroughly disappointed. I just to drop dead right now and it's alp a distraction from what's to come. Meeting my very loved and very dead baby girl soon.