u/Mannynnamfiddy

Hey Chefs! Sous chef of 4 years going on 5 here. Quick backstory for some context: I’ve been in and out of kitchens since I was 17 and cooking since I was 12. Went to culinary school partial online/in campus at the same time as working 70 hour weeks as a line cook and built my way to catering supervisor. I eventually left there to go to a local extremely popular bistro making 300-500 covers a night, as a kitchen manager and eventually after a year, a sous chef. I stayed in that place almost 3 years before ending up at the fine dining steakhouse directly rivaling the bistro, as an exec sous with more control of the menu. Roughly half(even though most the credit goes to the head chef. He’ll give me credit when i made something with coworkers and owners but all menus read as his online) of the menu goes to me and I go all out. Fish specials weekly, the occasional duck breast or Father’s Day tomahawk, all holidays are split and big fancy parties are handled by us both evenly. It’s a good place.

Needless to say, I put a lot of time and energy into this career. Countless hours behind the heat of the stove and line, burning and cutting myself. Constantly thinking of how to improve the next dish, or what the next fish special will be, or perfecting a technique to add to the next dish on the menu, etc. Whenever I’m home, I’m cooking for my family and when I’m not cooking I’m thinking of the next meal to give them and after that I’m looking through insta or r/foodporn for recipes and inspiration. So this is where the problem lies.

I can’t disconnect. No matter where I am, food is always on my mind, and it’s starting to fuck with my family. When I speak to my wife it’s about food or work, and no matter how hard I try to deviate it tends to go back to it at some point. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t neglect my wife or kids. I try my best to be there for them in every aspect this career possibly allows but my girl gets tired of 80 percent of my conversations being about food or what I’m doing next for my job. I really try, but I can’t disconnect. In my mind, my obsession is the reason I’ve held on so long and have been able to provide for them. But that’s the bad thing. In trying so hard, I’ve become obsessed. The obsession is starting to affect us in a bad way. So my question to all the seasoned chefs here who’ve dealt with this is, how do I disconnect? How do I take my mind off of something I do for 12 hours a day? How can I stop thinking about this and be fully present at home?