should I hate my job this much?
I recently began my position as an auto liability adjuster and every morning I wake up to go to the job I’m filled with dread and despair. My team is great and my boss is awesome. The work itself is what I hate. It’s hybrid, the benefits are amazing, and the upward mobility seems above average so I feel bad complaining. However, I find the work bleak and I don’t feel like I’m actually helping anyone.
My background is in customer service and I love to actually make a difference. I think I messed up choosing this job because I don’t like cars, I’m pretty girly, and I crave a more whimsical/feminine energy in my workplace. My last job was a mixologist at a fine dining restaurant for years and I loved it but I had to move on because the hours weren’t letting me see my family. I’m wondering how long I should put my feelings to the side. I’ve also been waiting to pull the trigger on finally becoming a therapist and getting my masters in counseling and I feel like the soullessness of this job has been pushing me towards my dream. My boss always compliments my empathy on and off calls and says I have an incredible voice on the phones.
I’m turning 30 this year and I felt that this would be a great start to my career as my first big girl job, but is any of this even worth it if I never feel happiness? The only time I’m happy is either when I’m fantasizing about quitting or distracting myself from my job on the weekends. I had to start an SNRI and a beta blocker for my newfound panic attacks as a result of this job. I had to leave work early once because I could not stop crying. As a quick disclaimer, I actually love hard work. I’m not lazy. Something about this job though just feels so cursed. We’ve been in onboard/licensing/training for two months and I’ve had my own claims for maybe three weeks now and my performance is improving but I feel extremely dissatisfied. My boyfriend is being encouraging and saying to give it time, but life is short and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Will this change?
should I hate my job this much?