u/Marilikescows

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. For context, I have 3 children. 4, 2 (almost3) and 4 months old. My 4 and 2 year old share a room. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my 2 year old started waking up sometimes at night and my husband would go into our 3rd bedroom and they would sleep in there together. That was fine, wasn’t my problem. Then the baby came and that continued, every night. Well skip to now, my husband very suddenly got a new job, and it’s a nightshift job. It’s been a big change for our family but now I’m stuck with a habit that they started and it’s getting worse. My two year old is particularly difficult, we are getting her screened for autism and sensory processing disorders, I’m only mentioning this because she cries ALOT. And often for no reason, or because she got what she wants, there’s not really a sure way to make sure she doesn’t cry.

Last night I hit my low. The baby was up all night because 4 months old. My two year old came in at 3:30 in the morning AWAKE, not like a sleepy coming to sleep in my room. Awake. Asking me if it was morning time again. And for the next hour, I desperately tried to get both children to sleep. I finally gave up at 4:30 and put on the tv. She has been sick this past week so her sleep schedule isn’t her normal but waking up in the middle of the night and throwing a fit about anything and everything is unfortunately not a rare occurrence, probably once a week it happens like this. Not this early but she does throw a fit in the middle of the night, probably because she’s tired? Anyways, I don’t know if this really falls under sleep training, more like sleep help but HOW do I break this middle of the night waking habit?? All of the rooms are right next to each other, we do have sound machines but my daughter is loud.

Editing to add schedule!
Both my older children were sleep trained and they both fall asleep by themselves. We do bath teeth books and then I tuck them in and they fall asleep listening to Yoto players. Bedtime is anywhere from 6:30-7:30. My acceptable wake up time is 6am. She is still napping 50% of the time. If she “sleeps in” till 6:30 she can do without a nap. When she’s not sick (which she was this week) I cap her naps at 1 hour. Unfortunately the naps happen whenever I can get her to finally nap but she never sleeps later then 2:30

My 4 year old is reading through the BOB books, and she’s doing awesome. But each time she moves on to a new book or a tricky word, she uses this baby voice and tells me she’s too scared and tries to run away. Once I get her sitting down and reading she’s totally fine and loves it and gets so excited. I find myself getting frustrated and almost dismissive/ignoring the “pretend” or “dramatic” fear, I stay calm and kind of just say “well im right here with you, come sit and we’re going to try together”. Not sure if that’s the right approach, I’d love to hear how everyone else handles this!

Editing to add my daughter is eager to read, she asks to learn and practice and I feel like her reaction sometimes is a bid for connection or reassurance/support!

Okay, maybe hell is a dramatic word but seriously, the bedtime battle is so real and I need some words of encouragement or maybe a perspective shift or SOMETHING.

I have 3 (4 yo, 2yo, 3 month old) and I am so tired of trying to get everyone to sleep but I’m too tired to not care about bedtime 🫠 the finish line is RIGHT THERE, but the final sprint is extra battle. The toddlers do technically fall asleep by themselves but not without walking them back to bed anywhere from 1-20 times a night. The baby obviously needs my help, and I do have help from my husband but seriously, bedtime comes every night, and somehow every night every single step is a battle. Pj’s brushing teeth reading books tucking in… they stall every step of the way.

I try to slow down and connect with them along the way but my gosh I’m so tired, I don’t have any silliness left and sometimes when I do muster up some, they take it way too far and become impossible to get to sleep. Someone talk some sense into me!!! How are you enjoying bedtime?? Especially with multiple children, especially when a baby needs you!! I don’t feel good rushing my older two off to bed and my husband normally does toddler bedtime while I take care of the baby, but nights like this when I’m doing all 3 I feel like I’m rushing and impatient with everyone. Help!

Editing to add my older two already share a room! And have for the past year or so. :( wish that magically helped!

My husband is about to get a new job but the hours are 10:30pm-6am. I stay home with our 3 children and so I’m a little concerned. Well, a lot. For stay at home moms with husbands that work overnight shifts, what is it like? Can you show me the bright side? Because all I can imagine currently is what a nightmare it’s going to be to keep the children out of the room he’s sleeping in, keep them quiet enough that he can get some rest, I can imagine resentment building on both sides. My children are young, but we will have one starting prek this year, but only a few hours a day. I know technically we will be getting more time with him (he works all day and most days late, 7pm normally he gets home) but I worry about his health, mood, the sleep situation, not having him home at night, I worry the time we get with him won’t be quality time because he’ll be exhausted. The night shift will be hopefully temporary, maybe a year or two (hopefully less) but can anyone tell me about the bright side? Or any advice on my end of how to do this well?

Just to preface, I know I am EXTREMELY blessed to have the family I have. Both mine and my husbands family are extremely involved, especially our parents. We have a lot of cousins who all live relatively close and we have a good relationship with everyone in our family.

That being said, most of our cousins who are all in early parenthood similar to us, have two children and are done. Two cousins have 3 children and are done, they are considered a “big” family and are very vocally done having children. We just had our 3rd and don’t feel close to done. God willing, we’d love to have 4+.

Here is the issue I face: having so much help specifically from my mother in law and my mother, I feel guilty for wanting a big family. Of course, I never assume or make them feel obligated to help (they take my older two for sleep overs regularly, they watch them for doctors appts, take them to theme parks and activities regularly), but as our family grows, especially in these early years, I can tell they can feel overwhelmed with all 3 of my children around. They clearly love them all, and would never wish anyone away, but other cousins have made comments about how if we “keep going, X won’t be able to handle that many children”. Obviously the dynamics and involvement will change over time and as my children get older (my oldest is only 4), and I feel horrible even struggling with this but this amount of support and closeness with family is a huge blessing, and it has truly made such a huge difference in how I experience motherhood. Let me be clear, I rarely ever REQUIRE the help, but i do accept the help. I can do most anything with all the kids, but there are many times where it is so much easier because a family member is willing to and offering to watch the kids. Obviously the size of our family is a personal choice, and they don’t support us financially or anything that would impact our choices, but I can tell both my mothers sort of disagree with our desire to have a big family. They love our children but disagree with us having more. They are all good people so I know they will continue being involved no matter how large our family is, but they sort of wish we wouldn’t keep going.

Does anyone have any advice about this? I love our family and I do know this is our decision and not theirs.