r/ParentingInBulk

Hey! I know a lot of people start having kids and then realize they need more help (or different kinds of help) than they expect. Our parents are a flight away but come often to help, and we have 2 kids right now (baby and toddler).

We had always planned for 4 kids.

However, over the course of having these two kids, I think we have realized that utilizing help can be more complex irl vs in our imagination. For example, unfortunately our kids’ bedtime routines have been challenging in practice for the grandparents to do. Of course, this may be easier in 1-3 years, but for the baby/toddler stage, it’s been hard.

Furthermore, I’ve started to realize his parents REALLY care about coming to help my husband when he is solo parenting (which happened once for a weekend trip), but do not have interest or comfort in doing it for me. Which is fine, but it does make me recontextualize how much help they are, on a personal level. I’m a SAHM and it definitely makes me think that we should wait to have our next kid

We have frozen embryos so time pressure is less for us. Definitely curious on thoughts and your own experiences.

I don’t know if this is just me adjusting to having multiple school-aged kids, but keeping track of birthday plans has started feeling a bit chaotic lately. Between different class groups, different parents replying in different places, and messages coming in at all hours, I’ll think something is sorted and then realize later I missed a reply somewhere.

I even started wondering if digital birthday invitations are just becoming the normal way people handle this now, because trying to track everything manually across chats is getting messy. At this point I feel like the actual planning is easier than just keeping the communication straight. How do people with bigger families manage this without things slipping through the cracks?

My oldest daughter suggested i come here. I understand that it sounds like there's more to the story. There's really not. That is why I am here. There's nothing weird going on, I never had issues with her. Once she got pregnant she chose this and he went along. It hurts me badly. I've never even had a chance to overstep. I just met them 6 months ago when she found a new boyfriend. But now she's back and I'm out again. Yes, my son chooses to go along with it. I was looking for support, suggestions. Thank you anyways

My daughter in law didn't like that my son and I were close. Once they had kids she cut me out of everything. She will not allow anything from me. If my son brings me up, she gets mad and punished him. She will take the kids and leave if he allows me to see them. I left birthday gifts on the porch for them, she is now mad at my son. The oldest just turned 3 the other is 2 and I don't even know them. They live 5 miles from me too. What should I do? What can I do? Am I the crazy one?

I have two kids, both csections, and unable to have more but I’ve always had it in my heart to foster and adopt. I want 6, me and my husband have always said 6. I’m 1 of 6. But I’m wondering if anyone can share their story of using adoption to grow ones family.

Hey all.. I currently have 5, youngest is 7 months and the others are 5y+.

We are spending the next year to see if we want one more or not. I am 35 and don't want any after 37, so that's my limit and factors into my internal debate.

Something that holds me back is what I don't know. Rolling the dice again on having a healthy child, how my body is going to fare as well.

My pregnancies were mild compared to many i read of I think (not bragging, just trying to add context). The usual nausea, aches, pains, trouble sleeping. Labors were all fine (no issues or tearing). No side effects. Maybe some soreness when I use my abs sometimes. Right now I feel mostly normal.

However, last time the midwife did comment that I was bleeding more than she liked, her words. She manually removed some and I got some pitocin. I think she inserted something as well but I can't remember if I'm making that up or what it might have been called lol. Anyway she left to do other stuff. No word on how much I lost, not urgent or an emergency by any means. My bleeding was normal after that and the nurses thought it was fine. Nothing on my notes online that mentioned it either. But she did say you have a higher chance of hemmorhaging the more kids you have.

A friend's mom has seven, the mom told me after 6 the Dr said not to have anymore (she was very young but IDK how old at this point). I guess she was pushing for a long time and they said her uterus was too tired. My friend said she had to have some mesh thing put in after the 7th. (I didn't ask for details so not sure what it was for haha).

So I *feel* good. But what if it's not inside? Lol. How do y'all take the leap again and hope your body can handle it? Hope this makes sense.

I know this is probably a pretty frequent post on here but I just found out I am pregnant with my second and my son is currently 27 months. I estimate my due date to be sometime in January which leaves an almost 3 year age gap.

To tell you the truth I am very scared. My toddler is still very needy and wants our attention 24/7, which is fine because we can give him that. He is truly my buddy and the light of my life, i love seeing his sweet smile every morning accompanied by “Hiiiii mommy!”. I can’t imagine having to share the love I have for him with another one. Surely many others have had these same feelings and I’m just going through the early pregnancy scares and blues. But i’m also just scared of how hard I know this will probably be.

Give me your best advice, bonus points if you also have children with a similar age gap. I wanted another, but i liked the thought of it and now it will be real and i’m so anxious and worried.

I really want five. We just had our fourth, I'm six weeks post partum and about to have *that* appointment with my OB and I'm just completely lost about what to say, what to ask for.

Hubby swears up and down he is done.

If we stick to four I will always feel like someone is missing but I'm literally drowning right now in motherhood and I feel insane for even considering a fifth in two or three years.

I have agreed with my husband that we are done because I see his point and logically I understand it but I want to be in a place mentally or contextually where five is a good idea *SO BADLY*

I'm not enthused about any of our birth control options - I think they all suck, and I am pro-life after experiencing two losses. Going on the pill or the mini pill feels like being a hypocrite but we tried NFP the last time and this is how we got #4 so hubby is not on board for continuing.

We have the seven seater already, we are house hunting for a bigger home. I'm already a SAHM and we have an amazing church and daycare community.

I’d love to hear about the transition from 3 to 4 kids and the biggest challenges. Regrets?

I’m super content and happy with 3 but my husband would love to have one more. I’m on the fence and don’t want to “rock the boat” and regret such a big choice.

I have a newly 2 year old, 7 month old and will be having our third this fall. We have a four bedroom house, which is currently our master bedroom, the two kids rooms and a finished bedroom in our basement as a guest room right now. Our plan was just shift everyone… oldest goes to the basement bedroom, the two younger stays upstairs (main level) with us. My grandma and mom are giving me a really hard time about moving our oldest to the basement, saying she’s too young, etc. etc. Our basement is fully finished, the same size as our entire main level, has a finished bathroom next to the bedroom, all of the kids toys are down there. Our daughter will have a crib, dresser, her baby dolls, blankets, everything a little girl will need in her own room. I’m conflicted on what to do because they’re making me feel really bad about it and I feel like that’s our only option. I don’t want to room share because our 8 month old is still not the best at sleeping. Am I crazy for wanting to put her in the basement or not?

Editing to add: Our house is two story. The upper/main level sits at ground level when approaching from the front. The basement is fully underground in the front and could be a walkout basement from the back, aka sits ground level with the backyard. BUT we do not have a walkout basement (no door going out). We do have full sized windows in our basement rooms though. The house sits on a slope

Unexpectedly pregnant with baby #5…. Yes we know how it happens and blah blah - this was a birth control baby.

We had been having discussions about a 5th and weren’t fully decided either way - hence why no permanent BC measures.

Well now I’m newly pregnant with our fifth and I’m suddenly freaking out. Here are all my thoughts, please tell me if they’re just hormonal/irrational/etc. Tell me your thoughts and experiences before and after your fifth arrived.

Thoughts-
Five isn’t a nice number, four is a perfectly nice even number. Now one child won’t have mom or dad’s hand to hold.
Was this a mistake? It took getting pregnant with 5 and it being real to realize maybe this isn’t what I want?

I do this every pregnancy, I worry that we have the perfect dynamic and one more is just going to be absolute utter chaos and throw everything into disarray. I’ve loved every child thus far and they’ve fit perfectly, I can’t imagine life without them. But four is a lot - to many people. It doesn’t feel like a lot to me, but we get a lot of comments. Five however, for some reason, does suddenly feel like a lot to me.

I guess I’m just asking, if you have 5, tell me about it, the good and the bad. How did you feel when you found out? How did the dynamic change? I know no one is ever going to say they wish a specific child wasn’t born - but do you ever wish you had stopped at 4?

What do you recommend for 4 kids? One kid is 5’ tall with long legs, and there are two car seats/one set of toddler twins.

We have driven a Tahoe and a Chrysler Pacifica and like the van the most. Other brands we should consider for navigating two toddler car seats and 2 older kids climbing in/out?

Fun educational video for kids about the 6 simple machines and how they make everyday work easier. It covers levers, pulleys, wheel and axle, inclined planes (ramps), screws, and wedges using real-life examples like seesaws, bicycles, elevators, shopping carts, jar lids, playground slides, cranes, and more.

Designed for elementary students, homeschool learning, teachers, classrooms, and curious young learners. If your child enjoys science or hands-on learning, this could be a fun watch.

I have a newly 2 year old, 7 month old and will be having our third this fall. We have a four bedroom house, which is currently our master bedroom, the two kids rooms and a finished bedroom in our basement as a guest room right now. Our plan was just shift everyone… oldest goes to the basement bedroom, the two younger stays upstairs (main level) with us. My grandma and mom are giving me a really hard time about moving our oldest to the basement, saying she’s too young, etc. etc. Our basement is fully finished, the same size as our entire main level, has a finished bathroom next to the bedroom, all of the kids toys are down there. Our daughter will have a crib, dresser, her baby dolls, blankets, everything a little girl will need in her own room. I’m conflicted on what to do because they’re making me feel really bad about it and I feel like that’s our only option. I don’t want to room share because our 8 month old is still not the best at sleeping. Am I crazy for wanting to put her in the basement or not?

Do you think there’s certain personalities that thrive with many kids and others that can’t handle it?

I’m asking because I think some aspects of my personality lend itself quite well to having a large family.

For example:

- I’m an optimist. I always tend to assume that things will work out somehow.

- I’m pretty type B. I don’t really get too stressed, anxious, or angry.

- Mess and noise don’t bother me too much.

Anyone else like me? Or are you the opposite and still thrive with a large family?

I have a newly 2 year old, 7 month old and will be having our third this fall. We have a four bedroom house, which is currently our master bedroom, the two kids rooms and a finished bedroom in our basement as a guest room right now. Our plan was just shift everyone… oldest goes to the basement bedroom, the two younger stays upstairs (main level) with us. My grandma and mom are giving me a really hard time about moving our oldest to the basement, saying she’s too young, etc. etc. Our basement is fully finished, the same size as our entire main level, has a finished bathroom next to the bedroom, all of the kids toys are down there. Our daughter will have a crib, dresser, her baby dolls, blankets, everything a little girl will need in her own room. I’m conflicted on what to do because they’re making me feel really bad about it and I feel like that’s our only option. I don’t want to room share because our 8 month old is still not the best at sleeping. Am I crazy for wanting to put her in the basement or not?

Imagining you can wave a magic wand and fully control when you get pregnant/have a kid, which would you optimize for: the age gap between kids or the season/month in which they're born?

Bonus if you want to share your reasoning.

I know versions of this question come up frequently, but I wanted to share my own.

We discovered we have an oopsie and a 3rd is now on order. We're debating whether to keep it and we have a pretty good idea of the pros and cons. Aside from the logistical challenges, my personal biggest fear is losing my identity and becoming someone whose sole defining trait is being a father, with no time left for hobbies or interests.

Right now, our kids are 4.5 and 18 months, and we feel like we've got things under control. As a family we do fun things together, but we also maintain space as individuals. I go out with friends semi-frequently, we do the occasional solo trip or weekend getaway, we work out regularly, and I hold down a full-time job through all of it. We're also slowly picking up activities we can do together as the kids get older: dinners out, brunch, concerts, that kind of thing.

My fear is that a third will make all of that really hard and that we'll end up just tag-teaming and living alongside each other rather than actually connecting.

I've been reading up on this and there seem to be two schools of thought: either 3 isn't much harder since you've already figured out the parenting thing, or it's exponentially worse. Would love to hear how it actually played out for those of you who've been there.

I have 3 kids (6, 3.5 and a 9 month old baby) and I’m currently expecting my 4th child in December.

I would describe myself as a moderate minimalist. We try to keep toys and children’s stuff at a reasonable level, definitely not extreme minimalism, but also much less than many other families around us. Still, I constantly feel like I’m doing chores all day long. Especially laundry and tidying up overwhelm me sometimes.
I also don’t want my children to grow up with the mindset that someone else will always clean up after them. I want them to slowly learn that time and effort are valuable, and that their actions affect the whole family.
I know they’re still very young, but I’m curious: how do other families with multiple children handle this in daily life? How do you teach small children to gradually contribute at home without turning everything into constant nagging or conflict?

Right now, they already put their clothes into the laundry basket (when reminded), and I encourage them to clean up toys before starting a new activity or when they’re done playing. (They usually end up whining) But I would really love to hear practical examples from other parents.

What actually works for you?

We have 4 kids and our youngest is 6mo. We had her checkup appointment yesterday and she's at the 10th percentile for weight. Dr's not worried and believes once she's on solids she'll beef up a bit.

She was about 8.5lbs when she was born and 21in so she's a bit of a string bean.

It's funny just because all of our other kids have been 98th+ percentile since day one. But also kind of concerning just because she's much smaller than our others, and doesn't seem to be hitting milestones when they did. The only difference was that I was able to actually nurse her the first few months before moving to formula where as our other kiddos I gave formula/breast milk since birth (under production).

Does anyone else have a that's kind of smaller/behind compared to their siblings? Did they end up catching up to the others?

I'm not terribly worried over it yet but just in the back of my mind.