u/MarsupialOld2956

I have only known my MIL for a couple of years. They live across the country so I’ve only seen her a handful of times. I had my first baby a few months ago, and she has a serious heart defect. It has been the scariest and most stressful thing I’ve ever experienced.
First (and only) time MIL visited my baby, she didn’t pay much attention to her at all. She wandered around my house for 15 mins talking about herself before even glancing at the baby.
During said visit, I had to take a day trip to the hospital for the baby’s medical appointment. I apologized for the bad timing but there were no other appointments available and it was urgent. My mom offered to come with me so my husband could stay home and visit with his parents. MIL decided her and FIL needed to come on the trip to the hospital with us. My husband and I both encouraged her not to. I said what a stressful and sad time this is for me and I’d rather just go with my mom. They piled in the car anyway and made sure to get their photo for Facebook so MIL could post about how she was coming to the appointment. Important note: I did not firmly tell her NO which I deeply regret. I thought she would have the decency to not come along when I clearly didn’t want her to. Lesson learned.
A few months later, it’s time for open heart surgery for my baby and MIL wants to come. Part of this may be lost in translation, but my husband called her and told her not to come and that we would plan a visit when baby was doing well. This call was followed by a text from her saying she was coming regardless, she knew she may not see us or the baby, but she was coming anyway, and that she hoped I’d understand.
I can’t stop her from traveling across the country and renting a hotel room, so I let it go. I had enough to worry about. I let her know multiple times how stressful this was for me and how sick I was over my child’s health. While she was here, she tried a couple of times to come see the baby. I said no, as baby could not be exposed to any germs especially from out of state. MIL also brought other relatives with her. My baby had a rough time in the hospital, so I stayed very firm and did not allow them to visit, so I never saw them and they went home. My husband, however, did want them to come visit in the hospital since “they came anyway”. I feel the opposite, they came anyway even though I told them not to, so there’s no way I’m bending now. Going forward, I’m going to continue being extremely firm with my boundaries, but I worry it will drive a wedge in my marriage.

Why can’t people grasp the concept that “you and I” or “(person) and I” is not always correct? Sometimes “(person) and me” is the correct way to say it.
I saw somebody comment, “I found old pictures of my mom and I.”
Who is I?

I made a Reddit account just for this so I hope I’m doing this right.

TLDR: Why do we thank God for healing my baby’s heart when God was the one who created her with a defect and it was a surgeon who fixed it?

My infant just had open heart surgery a couple of weeks ago. My family is very religious (non denominational Christian). I’ve definitely lost faith over the years and considered myself agnostic. However with my baby’s diagnosis, I felt desperate and figured it can’t hurt to pray. I started going to church, taking my baby with me, praying, and asking for prayer. I had been praying for a couple of months and we got some miraculously good news. My baby would still need surgery, but one of the major issues with her heart was healed. It felt unrealistically good, so for a moment, I felt like it really was God who healed her. I was praying every single day that my baby’s heart would be healed in full, and now I was adding a thank you to Jesus for fixing that one piece of her heart.
At the next cardiology appointment, the doctor told us it in fact had not been healed and we were looking at the original diagnosis. I felt so stupid. Part of me was thinking “it’s because God isn’t real or doesn’t care” and the other part of me thought “I’m a joke to God, he listened to me thank him over and over every day for months and didn’t actually heal anything.” My mom told me it’s important to not be bitter and we aren’t promised an easy life. So I kept trying. I kept praying, going to church, etc. Well, the time came for the surgery and she did well overall. It was a terrible time and it was very disturbing to see her go through this. After one horrible night in the hospital, watching my 6 month old child suffer through things even I have never suffered, I heard my mom praying at her bedside. I felt so angry. “What are we praying for? By your logic, God created her to go through all of this. An innocent baby,” I thought.
We ended up going home a few days later. My baby was doing pretty well. I gave updates to family and friends, and so many people told me how great God is. So many people said “praise the Lord”. I’m trying not to let it make me angry, but what are we praising the Lord for? People sent me so many scriptures about how God made her in my womb. I can’t help but think, “he missed a spot.” I understand, when you really really want someone to be there, you look for them in every corner. When people really want to feel like God did help her, they are quick to thank him for any positives. I’m quicker to thank the surgeon who dedicated his life to learning the workings of a heart so well that he can operate on one the size of a walnut.
I also don’t understand, if God wants us to be Christians and wants us to believe, why didn’t he help me and my baby? He would’ve had me hook, line, and sinker if her heart would’ve miraculously healed.
Anyway, I don’t feel like God is real anymore. Or if he is, he doesn’t care about our lives in the way most religious people think. But I’m sure there’s a Christian counter argument to this and I’m open to hearing it. If you read all of this, thank you.