Hey All FAs,
It’s common for FAs to end things when they become overwhelmed in a relationship due to things getting too close or moving fast.
If this happened to you and caused you to deactivate and end things, did you ever reach back out again once you had gone through the relief phase and calmed the I overwhelm down? Or was it just done for you?
For reference, I used to be an avoidant FA.
I’m hearing that it’s typical for FA when they have done the breaking up, go into a relief period for 3-6 weeks and then a longing period for 6-12 weeks and then after that they might get back together with someone.
From what I can recall in my past, my timelines were always a lot shorter than this.
What are other people’s experiences?
UPDATE: this is the breakup messages I got
What i meant was (awkwardly, but honestly) that i felt like i was slipping / could easily slip into a full on relationship with you.
That caught me off guard and i realised it was too soon for me. You are the first person I've properly dated since my long relationship ended and i just felt like it was too soon.
That sounds shit. but me skirting around it is stupid. I want a long term partner, with all that entails, absolutely.
I realise tho that even with that ambition i needed to be free a little. Which is why your coffee comment struck a cord with me. Although I understand that all sounds very confusing. And i agree.
So, to answer the questions you directed - no, i'm into you, not too intense either, but perhaps too much pressure to be somewhere i wanted to be but is too soon for me rn - i realised - does that help?
I appreciate thats not what you want to hear.
Met a guy on a dating app. I really really liked him, the first guy in ages that I think is smart, attractive and emotionally available.
We had four dates which were all good and fun and he was quite reserved but when he relaxed he was really funny. He then went on holiday for ten days and suggested I join him for the last two days of that holiday and he would be on his own from that point.
So I did, I flew out to spain from the uk for two days and we got intimate for the first time and honestly had the best two days ever, we didn’t stop laughing the whole time. I was so much fun, he agreed. We both talked about how natural it was.
Coming to the end of it I asked him what was next for us, whether we would see each other again or whether it was just a fun weekend. He replied that he wanted to hang out more and wasn’t it obvious that he liked me. We agreed to see each other at the weekend where he would come to my house for the first time.
Up until this point our communication has always been pretty consistent, even when he was on holiday. We have regularly messaged, maybe one or two messages a day depending on what we are both doing. He would even apologise if he left a delay between messages.
We saw each other the weekend just gone, he had had a crazy busy day on Saturday but still came to mine late in the evening super apologetic. He was clearly very tired, but there was no pressure from me. We basically just went to bed on Saturday night and on Sunday I was expecting him to leave early, but he didn’t, we spent the day together, I showed him round my town, we went for coffee, shopping, cooked food, watched a film. It was a very different vibe to Spain, there was less laughing, but we were still affectionate and he admitted he had shown his mum a photo of me from when we were in Spain.
He left my house at about 5pm on Sunday evening, I text him thanking him for coming and he replied saying he had fun etc. I text him later than night about random stuff we had talked about (sending him rehab exercises).
Monday morning at 8am I sent him a really nice text talking about things that I appreciated about him (this isn’t unusual and more a continuation of stuff we had already talked about previously). I heard nothing back.
It’s now Tuesday at 10:30am, the last time he messaged me was 7pm on Sunday and he hasn’t replied to my previous messages.
What happened here? I’m totally confused? What do I do now?
I’m dating in my 40’s, in the past I would have sex without exclusivity, but now I personally feel a bit “icky” having sex with someone knowing that they might be messaging and dating other people.
Is it usual to feel like this as an “older” dating group or are most of you still enjoying sex before exclusivity?