Could he genuinely not have realized that these behaviors were frightening?
Is it reasonable to believe a man who is likely neurodivergent and grew up with an abusive father when he says he genuinely didn’t realize that certain things he did would scare or intimidate me?
On separate occasions, he has shoved me, raised his fist at me, and lunged toward me while bellowing when my eyes were closed. What makes this especially confusing to me is that these things did not happen in the middle of heated fights. They happened during otherwise calm moments when I was relaxed and, in some cases, had my eyes closed.
I’m a little bit taller than he is, so I’ve wondered whether that somehow contributes to him not perceiving himself as physically intimidating. But he is still physically stronger than I am, weighs more, and these incidents were genuinely frightening to me.
When I tell him this, he is extremely believable when he says that he didn’t understand that these “little things” mattered or that they frightened me. He says he simply didn’t realize how they would affect me.
Am I being naive or unreasonable for even considering that he may genuinely be telling the truth? Is it plausible for an adult man not to understand that shoving a partner, raising a fist at her, or suddenly lunging and bellowing at her could be frightening?