u/MatildaChocoCake

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/XtyESMOXPB

Wow. I really did not expect my post to get this much attention. Thank you so much to everyone who commented, gave me advice, shared your experiences, or just took the time to care about a stranger on the internet.

I’m a very private person, as I mentioned in my original post, so this whole thing has honestly been a little overwhelming, but in a good way. :) And hi, Charlotte. I love you. 🥔 ❤️

Anyway, I have an update… I told Daniel that I made the post. He was immediately upset and said that I shouldn’t be asking strangers online for advice about our marriage. He didn’t want to read it.

I told him that most people were saying I wasn’t the AH, but also that a LOT of people were saying that the bigger problem here is actually him, not Richard. Some people even said I should divorce him and that he must already be planning to divorce me. And that’s when he basically said you guys are right.

He told me that he doesn’t love me the way he used to because of my depression and has been thinking about divorce for a long time because he doesn’t see me doing enough to get better. He said that he agrees that this isn’t really a Richard problem. It’s a marriage problem. That Richard was only reacting to the things he had told him and that I shouldn’t be so focused on Richard.

But then he also said he doesn’t want our marriage to end. He said he is willing to stay in the marriage if I commit to getting better and doing the work. I told him that I don’t know how I’m supposed to get better when I don’t feel loved or cared for, and I don’t feel like I belong here anymore. He said that if I do the work to get better, I can have everything back, including his love.

I told him that I love him, but I don’t see a way out anymore and maybe divorce is the best thing for both of us. He gave me a long hug and we just cried together.

That’s pretty much where the conversation ended. We went to bed, and now we’re just… here. I have no idea what’s going to happen next.

I don’t have some big conclusion or happy ending to give you guys. I don’t know if we’re going to stay together, get divorced of if we’re going to try counseling again.

But seriously, thank you. I never expected to post about something this personal, and I definitely didn’t expect hundreds of strangers to care enough to give me advice. I am very grateful for my fellow potatoes. 🥔 ♥️

UPDATE 2: EXTRA CONTEXT ABOUT MY MEDICAL CONDITION
Some people are wondering what my health issue was and why it affected Daniel so much. I had severe endometriosis for at least 6 years, it affected most of my lower abdomen organs. I used to have an excruciating pain during giggidy-gooing, the kind of pain that you throw up and your blood pressure drops to the point that you faint. I was dismissed by doctors who blamed the pain on anxiety. My condition wasn’t visible on MRI or ultrasounds and was only fixed by a doctor in my home country that suggested an investigative surgery. He’s even working on a paper about my case, hope it helps other women who suffer from the same condition ♥️ I am better now, but psychologically scarred and our sex life is kinda ruined because of it. Daniel is very sex driven and he is extremely frustrated about the situation. :(

I’m 41F, and I’ve been married to my husband, Daniel (42M), for 10 years. We’ve been together for 17 years and moved abroad about 9 years ago to build a better life.
The problem is that I never fully adapted to our new country. I miss my family and friends terribly, and over the years I also went through some serious health issues that were very traumatic for me. I’m physically doing much better now, but I’m still dealing with the psychological effects. I’ve been in therapy and have been very open with my husband about how unhappy and homesick I’ve become.

For a long time, I’ve wanted us to move back to our home country. Daniel doesn’t want to. His career is doing really well here, he loves his life here, and he has no desire to move back. Obviously, this has created a lot of tension between us and has put a huge strain on our marriage. Despite all of this, we love each other and have been trying to work through it.

Then there’s Richard (52M), my husband’s business partner. Over the years, Richard has also become a close friend of my husband. He’s married to Olivia (56F), and the two of them have a very different relationship dynamic from ours. They are in an open relationship and are very vocal about it.

Olivia also describes herself as a witch and frequently makes predictions or tells stories about how powerful she is. She has made some comments toward me that I found extremely uncomfortable, including once telling me completely out of nowhere that I should have my breast implants removed. She can also be very nosy about our marriage and personal life.

I’ve never really clicked with either of them, but I’ve always been polite and treated them well. My husband, however, really likes them. They constantly praise him, tell him how talented he is, and he and Richard collaborate on various projects. Their business relationship also contributes to our household income, so I’ve never wanted to create unnecessary conflict.

Recently, Daniel and I were going through a particularly rough period because of my depression and everything I’ve been dealing with. During that time, Daniel went out for drinks with Richard, just the two of them.
Afterward, Daniel told me that Richard had advised him to get divorced. I was honestly devastated.

Richard knows that our marriage has been struggling, but he doesn’t know everything that has happened between us or what I’ve been dealing with personally. I also found it particularly upsetting because Richard himself had previously been married and cheated on his former wife with Olivia. Not the best role model to give advice tbh.

I feel like there is a huge difference between listening to a friend who is struggling and actively telling that friend to end their marriage. To me, that crossed a line.

Since then, I’ve told Daniel that I don’t want to socialize with Richard and Olivia anymore. I have no problem with Daniel maintaining his business relationship with Richard, and I’m not asking him to stop being friends with him. I just don’t feel comfortable sitting across from someone socially after finding out that he was encouraging my husband to divorce me.

Daniel thinks I’m being selfish and says that Richard genuinely cares about him, is a great friend, and is an important business partner. He wants me to put everything aside, go out with them, and try to get along with them.

But I just can’t.

And now I’m getting ready to go out with the two of them, and I honestly feel sick to my stomach about it.
So, AITA for refusing to socialize with my husband’s friend after finding out he advised my husband to divorce me? Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable for me to set this boundary even if Richard remains an important person in my husband’s professional life?