Bad Experience at Youth Camp
I’m still trying to make sense of something that happened recently, and I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experience with LDS youth programs. Posting here because the LDS forum won’t allow posts about racism.
I have four teenage adopted/foster sons. Two are Latino and two are Persian/Italian. They’re energetic, loud, and sometimes push boundaries like a lot of teenage boys do.
We attended a Young Men’s camp near a river. Early on, my boys started butting heads with some of the other youth. At first it wasn’t entirely clear to me whether it was normal teenage banter or whether it had crossed into bullying.
Eventually things escalated. Another youth got into a confrontation with my oldest Latino son and, according to my son and two of his brothers who witnessed it, called him racist slurs. My son reacted by slapping him.
When I was notified, I found my son crying alone in the bathroom. His brothers were with him and all three consistently described the same racist comments being made.
The other boy reported the incident to stake leadership. He claimed my son had been harassing him and denied making any racist remarks.
The leaders told me they take racism seriously, but because the other youth denied it, they said they couldn’t conclude that anything racist had happened. They also told me they couldn’t rely on my three sons’ accounts because they were all from the same family.
Initially, the decision was that everyone would remain at camp.
Then, around 9 p.m., I was informed the decision had changed. My oldest son had to leave immediately because he slapped the other youth. They also told me my other Latino son had to leave because he had been disruptive during the evening devotional. The example they gave was that a leader had seen him toss a small rock at another youth.
I asked whether the other youth involved in the confrontation was also being sent home. I was told no, because he denied making the racist comments.
What hurt even more was being told my two sons were being sent home so that “everyone can feel safe.”
As we packed up in the rain around 10 p.m., several stake leaders stood silently behind my car while we loaded our things. It honestly felt like we were being escorted out. Because I had responsibilities leading an activity the next morning, I had to drive my sons all the way home and then immediately turn around and drive back to camp overnight in bad weather. It was exhausting and, frankly, felt unsafe.
The practical inconvenience isn’t what stays with me, though.
What hurts is the message my sons took away. From their perspective, one of them was called racist slurs, they reported it, weren’t believed because they were family members, and then the two Latino boys were the ones removed from camp while the other youth stayed.
Whether or not that was the leaders’ intent, that’s how my sons experienced it.
This camp was supposed to strengthen their relationship with Christ and with the Church. Instead, they now associate the experience with racism, exclusion, and not being believed. As a father, that’s heartbreaking.
I’m not writing this to attack the Church. I know many good people serve in youth leadership, and I don’t believe most members would want something like this to happen.
I’m writing because I’m genuinely struggling to process it. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m missing something, whether this was simply poor leadership under difficult circumstances, or whether I should be addressing it more formally.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How would you move forward after something like this—for your own sake and for your kids?