I don't know how to stop being insecure
I am 22F and I feel awful about myself in every aspect. I feel so trapped. I feel like I don't like anything about myself. I find myself annoying, ugly, unlovable, dumb, awkward, untalented etc...I feel like it makes me feel like a bad friend, every time someone shares something good that happens to them or I notice something admirable about them I just feel this intense sadness it almost feels selfish. I feel like I am always stuck in this cycle of being really ambitious then getting easily overwhelmed or procrastinating or being too sad to do anything which is followed by the realization that I didn't do anything I aspired to do and getting extremely upset and wanting to give up on life. It feel like I am stuck in a prison I built and I don't know how to get out. I missed so many opportunities because of it. I feel like I don't deserve the life I've been given and someone smarter and nicer and more talented deserves the opportunities I've wasted.
I am the type of person to feel sadness extremely deeply its almost painful, I am extremely sensitive and I feel like its so hard to navigate such big emotions I just end up getting an extreme urge to throw up or self-harm. This feeling is all consuming sometimes. I feel like I am wasting my life away.
I just feel like there isn't any actual proof I am not worthless. I never get complimented for my looks or style. I never got approached in person or asked out I don't think anyone has ever had a crush on me or liked me (outside of one relationship I was in but I was the one that initiated everything) I tried a dating app and I almost never get matches from people I like. My CGPA sucks I did improve my term GPA but I still have a terrible CGPA. I feel like I make such an effort to make friends but no one does the same or tries to befriend me. I don't have any talent I have hobbies that I don't do much and do badly.
When I talk to one of my friends about it, they try to reassure me but it doesn't help much like they say that I shouldn't be hurt that I don't get approached or complimented but they do all the time. They have better grades and are funnier and more talented. They have gone through worse than me but didn't let that stop them. Its not just that one friend I feel like all my friends and people my age that I came across are much better. I hate when I'm told that these measures shouldn't matter when they fit all of them. I get told that I shouldn't care about my looks or grades because it makes me feel worse it feels like something you would tell someone who is ugly or dumb. And when they do try to tell me I'm pretty or smart it doesn't help much because you are only saying it because of what I told you, it feels so forced.
Any time something extremely mild happens that may trigger an insecurity my brain decides to essentially replay every instance in my past that proves that I am worthless, every negative thing someone said or did to me to prove that, and relay every other unrelated insecurity. So what starts of as something mild turns into a spiral extremely quickly and it is extremely hard to shut down.
I try to logic my way out of this but it is extremely hard and almost all consuming and overwhelming.
I would love some advice especially from those who experienced the same thing. I already am in therapy but only recently started discussing this particular issue.