r/selfesteem

Do you think confidence matters more than attractiveness and looks?

So as we know humans we are emotional creatures,so thinking that you are very specials in many people's life is pretty assuring,by people I mean family ,friends and your community,but your will be surprised sometimes to find out how little you matter in those people's lives ,you can ghost for like 2 months and only a handful few will reach out to ask you about how you are doing,so I am not saying that you doesn't matter at all ,but stop thinking you are some kind very special Thing people can not live without,it will prevent you from getting unnecessary heartbreak

Hello, I am in a relationship for over a year now and I kinda got to know that I am not my partner's preferred race. I am a white blonde girl. Got to know he is into asians.

In the past I have struggled with self-esteem a lot and with mental health. I have been with mentally abusive men in the past and porn addicts, it destroyed me. So when I got to know this, my world shattered once again and I am where I have been 5 years ago mental-wise. I have never struggled more to eat, sleep, not induce pain on myself. Eating pills to not cry for 12 hours straight cause it brought all the bad stuff back, just when I thought I have found a man who is "not like others."

I found this information out when I was scrolling through a Discord server of our friends (like 30 people on there) that we both are on, although we are in a real life relationship. I saw him commenting things like "I prefer Asian girls," friends were scrolling Tinder and he said "If there was any Asian send her to me," saying how much he loves Asians, how much he wants an Asian, sending screenshots of some Asian girls and screenshot of his FYP that was only naked Asian girls on Instagram. This was from 1 year to 4 months before we started spending a lot of time together. Although we have known each other at that time, Ive just never seen him type or say those things as I was not that active.

Then there was a conversation that he (once again) loves Asians but if he had to choose a white girl, he would go for brunette. I am blonde. So even in terms of "white girls" I am not the preferred hair color.

It destroyed me, knowing It was JUST 4 months ago before we started spending time together (in more romantic way). How could a person switch this fast from A to Z I am thinking in my head. I feel so much pain, knowing I am not my partner's type.

Please help me not lose my mind. I am losing my self-esteem, even though he said that things can change and that he might have said those things, but he never did not like white girls. But obviously his preferred race is Asians and I am nowhere near that. I am really fragile person and this hurt me so much. I do not want to leave the relationship, he has been nothing but the best, but knowing I am not my partners type, it is destroying me, as I have always struggled with my looks and wanting to be nothing but the best looks-wise for my partner. Knowing I can not be the best looks-wise since I am not even his type is destroying me and I can not think straight.

TLDR: I (F22) found out my partner (M23) used to be/is into Asians (dating for 1 year now), it shattered my self esteem, knowing I will never be as desired as some Asian chicks he used to fancy, since I am literally not his race type, not even hair color type...

Final question. What am I supposed to do to feel better about myself and how do I deal with this situation mentally? Please do not answer "Find psychologist" as I am in contact with one.

My back story is I’ve been singing country music since I was a kid and then recorded in Nashville when I was 18 as well as performing countless shows throughout my life. My mom was the one who got me into music. She was my biggest fan, mentor and encouragement throughout my life and career. She started having health issues 15 years ago and I started being her caretaker and never leaving home so I could care about her full time. Honestly I just kind of gave up perusing music and writing songs. My mom wanted me to keep going with my music when she was around but I just could not focus on myself and her health at the same time. My mom passed away 7-31-25. I’ve been devastated, lonely, depressed, anxious and I’m grieving the fact I did not pursue and put more into my music so she could witness my progress and success.

So now I’m in my mid 30s and I really want to clear my mind and put all my grit and focus into performing and songwriting again because I don’t want to give up anymore and fail myself. But now I’m seeing so many country music artists that are in their 20s and early 30s who are blowing up the charts and it kind of makes me feel old or like it’s too late. But then I see Chris Stapleton and Jellyroll who made it in their 30s so I think there’s hope to begin again.

I just am tired of giving up and all the excuses. I want to know I can start over even at 36.

Should I stop comparing myself to these other new artists? Isn’t comparison the thief of joy?

Am I overthinking my age?

I just have been going through a lot of emotional grief and need some assurance from someone.

My boyfriend has a really low self esteem, mainly because he is unlucky and started to believe that he is not good enough or not worthy of anything (and honestly, I kind of noticed he is unlucky and I don't know why there is such a bad karma, he is so sweet and has such a good heart, he even buys food for stray animals, gets in the car and drives to find animals and feed them. And not just animals, also people)

The thing is that it affects him in his profesional life. He has been trying and trying to find a job but everybody rejects him and he is completely capable for those positions and now his self esteem is on the bottom of the ocean and I don't know how can I help him except encouraging him. Also, he has another interview in 3 days. So I would like a book or something that could help even a little bit.

Is there any book that changed your perspective?

They do botox, aesthetic surgeries just to look good. They say they are doing this for themselves really?
Don’t you think deep down is to get attention?

I know this is super common, but I’ve always hated recording my voice because of how nasally and weak it sounds. It’s definitely painful when you’re also trying to build a side hustle as a content creator. Are there any other fellow creators who wrestled with the same insecurities? I’m aware it’s very common for starting creators, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Any help is greatly appreciated. I finished recording my latest vid and feel an overwhelming desire to start over.

I feel so so so basic with no personality nofriends or social life no nothing I'm white AND from europe and it just screams basic and also with a basic slightly boring well okay, a VERY boring childhood and a basic ass life story.It may not seem that crazy on the outside, but when I meet someone Im just saying Hi!My name is_____, I'm ___ years old and I like pizza! Which makes me feel basic, blend, empty, socially and culturally brainwashed, and have this gut wrenching feeling I wish so so bad I was from anywhere else rather than europe or at least I wouldn't be white bc why did God give me this build like anything about me is just basic and I just wish I was dark, with that afro hair and all and having a dramatic life story that I could shoot the bull with anyone and they would see and tell me how strong I ak and all and idk dhiedycuydeyueidid): like it seriously IS that serios and if u can't see it than it's a YOU problem so check that out uyulala ndhdudoshdjckcnf💋💋