u/MatthewHecht

Returning from last team we have Pete, Ashley, Sidney, Angela, and Lisa. Hopefully Lisa plays better this time.

With the exception of the Webbers inability to bat this looks like a stacked defense.

Offensively we have 5 home run hitters. I am doing the usual 1, 4, 7 strategy, and the Webbers are behind the Delvecchios to hopefully boom them home if they just get to first.

Our worst three batters are scattered in the 3, 6, 9 spots.

After going 15-2 to win the Cereal Bowl I removed our best two players (Angela and Gretchen) and replaced them with Sally and Stinky. This resulted in a massive drop to 1-13.

I am convinced the actual most important stat is blocking/tackling. If the other team got the ball on any of the three sides they were in a very real position to score. For us it meant we could not block, which makes big plays way harder.

One of the key themes of the season is that when the game was close, and we needed a hero, we could count on Luanne to fail us entirely. She dropped so many long touchdowns on 3rd and forever, and she gave up so many tackles inside the 20 that resulted in long touchdowns.

On special teams Jorge did a good job kicking including a field goal from the 38. Unfortunately every time we punted there was a real chance they would run it all the way back. On kickoffs we were in huge trouble. We gave up so many touchdowns, as only Danny and Billy Jean could tackle their return men.

On offense this is the worst offense I ever had by far. We tried several WRs before deciding we needed Stinky and Jorge there by default. We tried Danny, as he was our actual best WR, but it just meant Jorge/Ronny kept getting strip sacked for touchdowns. Having WRs who cannot find the ball, run, or block was the biggest issue. They not only failed to catch it, but they regularly fumbled it when they did catch it. They were also horrible at knocking it in the air.

Hocus Pocus was basically useless, so we wanted the leap frog and sonic boom power ups.

On every gimmick team the slices play has been a major source of offense, not this time. They kept knocking it up straight to the defense. Granted every offensive play was turnover prone.

Billy Jean was the best Center we had, but she really stank. If I ever tried to check my second option it meant Danny was crushed. In contrast with Angela I regularly had time to check all three options. On turnovers she was terrible at saving the touchdown, while Angela was great at this last season.

I know Stinky has a 1 speed, and is well slower than Angela. I think her arms also had a one speed, as she reacted to the ball being thrown her way so slowly. So did Jorge, as they both regularly just stood there as the ball landed right next to them.

On defense we were awful. The best way to beat us was just run it down the middle. Our worst defensive game was number 3. They used a fullback and Pete at RB and just pounded the ball.

Last season Billy Jean and Jorge racked up the interceptions. This time they only did the final few games. Danny could not get the pash rush going. They did their best in the final 3 games when I switched their sides, which somehow really helped.

We could not cover Marky. In both games we played him he looked like Rob Gronkowski.

The hardest defense to play was the Wombats, due to them having Angela at CB. It shut out Luanne's running game, and she had no problem crushing our WRs.

MVP- Danny. He was our best tackler making him feel like he was easily our best player. In our one win the MVP was Jorge.

I am disappointed Stinky never got a touchdown. She at least got a safety.

Line and image from "D.W. Gets Lost." Might be a pun as Aardvark means "Earth Pig."

Game started awful with Pablo returning the kickoff for a touchdown. Then Jorge bobbled the ball right to the defender, and Achmed nearly ran it all the way back. Achmed then got a rushing touchdown. They missed the two point conversion putting us in an immediate 13 point hole.

After that Chad missed on a tackle when they foolishly brought everybody up and Luanne rushed through everybody for the only big real offensive play of the game. The rest of the half was defensive domination with me racking up running power ups (with this team that is way better than the hocus pocus).

On 4th and 13 I decided the leap frog would work. They blitzed, and we barely got it off before Pablo got Luanne. That was a ten point difference, as she ran it all the way for a touchdown, and the lead. We had to punt early in the 3rd, and Pablo again ran it all the way back. Chad beat Stinky and Jorge for the 2 point conversion.

In spite of all 3 my receivers constantly dropping it after a few more possessions we drove down, and Danny scored the game tying touchdown.

Pablo then threw a crucial interception to Luanne, but again the offense was useless. Jorge made the long field goal with 30 seconds left (It was 4th and very long, so we saved the sonic boom for over time). They drove down to our 26 with 2 seconds left. Achmed missed the game tying field goal.

Needing 54 more yards and 4th and 20 Jorge caught the deep ball with nobody to beat. It looked like we would finally win only for our MVP last season (Gretchen) to catch him for the stop. Time expired during this play.

If only Luanne could catch the ball on 3rd down; that would have been enough. Or if she could not fumble. Or if Jorge could catch the ball instead of batting it to the Defensive lineman. Or if they could not score an 80 yard touchdown by running it straight up the middle on 3rd and 17.

We had a 13-8 lead going into the half, so this really stang.

On fourth and long we are punting it from around the 50, and The Duckies think it is a fake or something, as they are in a normal defensive lineup. We punt it, and Jorge perfectly hits it to the 1.

I know this might be our first win, as we were actually playing well. Most of this was Pablo the QB kept making awful decisions. Instead of tucking it and running or throwing to the wide open receiver he kept throwing interceptions across his body resulting in field goals (If only I had a receiver as good as Angela). Now we are eyeing the safety.

Pablo picks up the ball, and immediately Luanne grabs him. He shoves her aside like a rag doll (and I guess she never got up). At the 5 Stinky McStinkton grabs him, and Pablo does not even slow down breaking the tackle (Stinky makes Jorge look like Patrick Willis). Thus Pablo returns it 99 yards.

After almost winning we lost by 2 plays. Later on 3rd and forever Luanne dropped a long touchdown. We "only" lost by 14, so that would have brought the game to overtime if only Luanne was a little better.

I have to say it, where is Jorge in all this? Danny is the slowest player in the game, but he and Stinky are at least on the screen 30 yards behind Pablo. Is Jorge just wondering blindly like when I throw him the ball?

From "D.W. Gets Lost"

They returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Luanne immediately scored a touchdown. They drove down and scored. To end the first half Jorge fumbled the kickoff, and Gretchen's clone ran it all the way back. In the third quarter we made it a 1 score game. Gretchen's clone immediately ran it back for a touchdown.

They also scored 2 defensive touchdowns. They strip sacked Dan Marino for a touchdown. Near the end of the game Jorge caught a hail mary with nobody to beat. The defender (same guy with the opening touchdown) caught him, forced the fumble, and ran it all the way back. He almost did it again on the last play, but Danny stopped him.

Their offense literally scored 2/7ths of their touchdowns. It says something our best defensive player is Danny Marino, the slowest guy in the game.

By popular demand I am attempting this again after winning the Cereal Bowl with the worst statistical players. Last season Gretchen and Angela carried the team, so now they are out. There goes 61% our offensive yards, 48% our TDs, 61% our tackles, 71% our playoff yards, 69% our playoff TDs (Luanne really fell off a cliff in the playoffs), 64% our playoff tackles, and our best two gunners, and all our kicking and good blocking.

Replacing our two superstars (who knew the players with the absolute weakest arm strengths would be so good at tackle football) we have Sally, but she got straight Fs and is banned from playing. She is sticking around as a locker room cancer. We also have Stinky McStinkton (no points for guessing her stats).

Last team dominated their first game, while this team got dominated. We tried Stinky at C, and it was a disaster. Billy Jean is only slightly better, and we might be better off with her at WR and Stinky blocking. Danny was sacked 6 times. Angela really made the offense way easier.

How bad was our offense? They had Angela at CB, and we made her look like a star despite targeting her all game. Jorge could not catch a one on one hail mary against her. She gave up two catches to Stinky, but she forced a fumble both times. Stinky had nobody to beat on the last play, but Angela caught her from behind and forced a fumble. I now know Stinky's speed is worse than 34.

Both my WRs have a 1 catch. I thought it would be obvious Gretchen was way better than either, but instead I realized Angela is way better than either. Jorge dropped everything, while Stinky seems to have no aggression.

Luanne's punting leaves a lot to be desired. Due the CPU loving to fumble our defense was not too bad, but I hope they never try to run much. Danny was not exactly Angela at stopping the run.

Is Stinky or nerfed Ronny worse? I am going with nerfed Ronny as the worse player.

One issue is without Sally I only have 6 players limiting my options. Last team was actually really well balanced. Nobody is replacing Angela as the muscles or Gretchen as the hands. Without them Danny's minmaxed stats as the arm is almost entirely useless. Luanne is hard to get the ball to. She is great with space, but without my star Z receiver, my star center, and my X receiver who could kind of block, she was just getting wiped out all game. She was still the only offensive weapon.

Stacked Team easily wins.

One thing that was good in hindsight is we had horrible luck with cold days in the regular season. That stopped the games from lasting too long, and made sure the playoffs were not a difficulty spike. For a long time Pete was slow, Achmed was bas batting badly, and everybody was exhausted. For the playoffs this was all fixed.

The AI was much better than usual this season. They knew to swing with power and were actually playing aggressive defense to catch high balls. I was sometimes frustrated with all the leaping catches off tipped balls. Thankfully Pete and Angela responded with their own leaping catches.

Easily the best offense I ever had, and they broke all the playoff records. The playoff scoring record was broken. Pablo and Pete both broke the previous playoff home run record with 10 (previous was 9 by Achmed and Mikey). Just for Angela and Achmed to break their broken record with 11. Angela broke her own RBI record in the playoffs. Achmed and Pablo broke the playoff runs record. Pablo broke the batting average and slugging playoff record. Just an absurd offense.

I am have been a Lisa truther, but this was the worst performance I ever got from her. She started on first base, and she was terrible there. Achmed was not good there, but he was an improvement. We gave up several points, as she kept randomly turning around. Instead of catching the ball she would get hit in the back of the head and fall down. That also meant her stamina was constantly awful forcing Angela to pitch all game (not like that is hard). Once Lisa struck out by missing three crazy bunts.

We struck out so rarely we barely got any power bats.

So many of these games lasted so long, so I made several players get out on purpose. The numbers would have been even better, but I wanted the games to end eventually

MVP- Pablo for the regular season, but accounting for playoffs it was clearly Angela with Pete in second. The two were carrying the defense.

On a related note why does the AI love putting Amir and his clones at CF? They are awful there.

I had a juice box. I used it a few innings later.

Hats off to Angela for singlehandedly holding them to one each game (except that great catch by Pete on Keisha clone's deep ball).

Almost every time we hit it the ball went dead center right to the CF who caught everything. I am convinced Achmed and Mikey were having cold days (probably Amir and Pablo as well), and Lisa clearly shut her brain off.

It did not help everybody but Angela was constantly tripping, and Lisa kept body slamming Angela.

It is really satisfying breaking the tie by RBIing Angela.

I hope Lisa gets out a lot, because otherwise I will have to intentionally get out to avoid games taking forever. We will probably still have to do that.

The record is 6 great home run hitters. We have 8/11. Normally I say the Webber clones and Amir are the worst at that, but with the sibling boosts that is gone.

No need for the 1, 4, 7 strategy. For batting picking the order was like the endgame of Civilization where I am just trying to figure out how to easily dominate. We have the four players (counting boosts) with the highest batting stats. We just divided into two groups of four, and put the top two at clean up (Achmed and Mikey). Pablo and Pete each work as lead offs. The Webbers are side by side to make it easier to master their batting style. Lisa is the odd woman out, and I am fine with that.

On defense we have the Angela/Pete combo, which is all that is needed. The Webber clones cannot catch, but they can still play outside outfield. I am going to try Pablo at short stop, but I am prepared to flip him with a Webber clone.

The only real weakness is I have never tried any of these at first base. I guess we are seeing if Lisa is good at first base. If she is not the Khans will both be used there.

In the second image I tried to get it going over the fence, but I was a little late. It just boomed way over the fence, and it would have went way further without the house. Gretchen was on fire this game. She had struck out twice, but she boomed two more to the outfield for 2 doubles for 0.600 and 1.600 slug.

This was a very important home run, as it was 2 outs in the top of the 1st with nerfed Billy Jean on 1st, and Angela on 3rd (their first baseman should tell you how that happened). This let us tire them out for a 30+-1 win.

Yes, they have nerfed Ronny at CF and Reese at LF. I have no idea why. Yes, it was funny to watch.