Anxious attachment or communication mismatch?
32F in an arranged marriage setup and looking for some honest outside perspectives because I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is a compatibility concern or my anxiety talking.
I’ve been speaking to a guy for about 3 weeks and we’ve met 3 times so far. We text every day, often initiated by him, and conversations are generally easy and natural. We talk about work, family, routines, random topics, etc.
A bit of context: I have a few non-negotiables (non-smoker, non-drinker, vegetarian), so finding someone compatible has taken time. He seems to align well with many of my values and comes across as kind, grounded, responsible and respectful.
I’m also aware that I tend towards an anxious attachment style and generally prefer calls and more frequent communication, so I’m trying to understand whether this is a genuine mismatch in communication styles or whether I’m expecting too much too soon.
For additional context, he has mentioned that he was hurt in a previous relationship and has also experienced significant personal loss, having lost both his parents in recent years. Because of that, I sometimes wonder whether he’s naturally more guarded or slower to open up emotionally.
My concern is around how we’re getting to know each other.
We text regularly throughout the day, but after work he usually prefers going to the gym, playing sports, meeting friends, or playing video games. He doesn’t seem naturally inclined towards phone calls. Even though we’re in touch daily, I rarely feel like he actively wants to get on a call or have longer conversations.
What confuses me is that he doesn’t seem disengaged:
He texts every day
He remembers details I tell him
He keeps conversations going
He is warm and responsive when we talk
At the same time, I personally find it difficult to really get to know someone through texting alone. For me, calls and meeting in person are where I understand a person’s personality, values, emotional depth, communication style, humour, and overall compatibility.
That’s where I’m struggling. If we’re evaluating each other for marriage, I sometimes wonder whether texting alone is enough to meaningfully get to know someone.
I’ve already mentioned once that I generally prefer calls because I feel more connected through conversations than texts. He was understanding when I brought it up and even mentioned that I seem to have a more anxious attachment style, which I think is probably true. However, I haven’t really noticed much change in the communication pattern since then.
My questions:
\-Is it unreasonable to expect more calls and initiative after only 3 weeks?
\-Do some people genuinely prefer texting over calls even when they are interested?
\-How do you realistically get to know someone well enough for marriage if most communication is through texts?
\-Does this sound like a communication-style mismatch or simply two people moving at different speeds?
\-Would you bring this up again now or give it more time?
\-If you were in my position, would this concern you?
Looking for honest perspectives, especially from people who are naturally not big callers themselves or from others who met through arranged marriage setups.