If more people truly did the inner work, would being single actually become the default choice?
The deeper I go into genuinely knowing myself, my needs, my boundaries, my old patterns, the less dependent I become on other people to feel okay. This applies to romantic partners, but honestly to friendships too.
I used to hold this subtle, unconscious belief that if I worked hard enough on myself, a healthy partner would eventually show up as the ultimate "reward" for healing. Now I realize the life and peace I’ve built is the reward.
It makes me look at modern dating differently. Mainstream culture pushes people to jump from relationship to relationship, usually just to avoid being alone or to subconsciously try to fix old trauma through someone new. I genuinely wonder how many people in relationships would actually choose them if they had done the heavy lifting to earn a secure attachment with themselves first.
Lately, I just find myself pulling away from insecure dynamics almost automatically. I get overwhelmed by the constant noise of messaging apps, even from well-meaning people. The closer I get to my own peace, the more protective I am of my time. It’s not coming from fear or bitterness, just extreme clarity on what actually adds to my life versus what drains it.
It really makes me wonder how many people would genuinely choose to stay single if they’d truly done the inner work, rather than treating it like a sad, temporary waiting room.
Curious if others here have experienced this same shift toward deep autonomy and peace the more secure you've become in yourself.