u/Mediocre_Record8180

I'm 36 years old now, and honestly I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my career. I studied communications/marketing in my home country, and I worked as a civilian admin officer with the military before moving to Australia. Since then, I've worked a few low-paying jobs like packing, food prep, cleaning, and factory work, and most of the time I was earning just a little above minimum wage.

I know that I work hard and learn quickly. Supervisors have praised me more than once, but I still feel that being an immigrant makes it much harder for me to move up or for people to see me as someone who can handle a better role.

Could going back to study at this age help me progress or find something with better pay? I keep asking myself whether a certificate or diploma could make a real difference, or if I'd just be spending money and time without anything major changing.

There's another issue too: I'm not the type who talks a lot at work. I'm not rude or anything; I just focus on the job and it's not in my nature to chat with everyone or build friendships there. Sometimes I feel like this hurts me more than my actual performance at work.

I've spent most of my professional career after college in white-collar jobs at large companies. Before college, I worked as a hotel housekeeper, a retail clerk, and a babysitter. Over the years, I gradually moved from "real" work (clean the room, ring people up, fill boxes, make sure someone's kid had dinner, and so on) to "fake" work (explain value to clients, write persuasive copy, answer vendor questions, sit in status calls, and so on). And I make far more money from this "fake" work than I ever made from the "real" work.

There are people I work with on other teams who are so deep in fake work that they can't even clearly explain what their actual job is. Honestly, about 85% of my day feels like busywork created by external companies whose main goal is to prove they deserve to exist and appear productive.

Does anyone else feel this way too? That some jobs are basically "fake"? How do you deal with that day to day? Do you just accept it, stop worrying about it, and collect the paycheck? Do you try to make the work feel useful in some way? Or am I overthinking this, and "fake work" isn't really a thing at all?

My girlfriend is asking me to quit my weekend job

I have a full-time career, and on top of that, a weekend gig.

The weekend job is with a male revue company. I've been there for 14 years, and I'm 38. I started as a performer, but now I'm on salary as the manager/MC for the show. I make about $1,250 a week pretty consistently, in exchange for working Thursday and Saturday nights.

The part that makes this hard is that the weekend job is easy money. After taxes, it comes surprisingly close to what the engineering job brings in, so continuing with it almost doubles what I bring home.

I met my girlfriend through this job. She came to a show and asked me if I wanted to go out afterward, and I said no because I usually go home as soon as everything is over. A few days later we went on a date. I'm saying this because from the beginning she knew the nature of the job, and she knew I don't go out partying or hang around after the shows. Trust really isn't the issue. The issue is the schedule.

We see each other on weeknights, and we usually have most of Sunday together. She's also come with me to the shows a few times. Honestly, it's not as sketchy as people assume when they hear "male stripper show." I don't dance anymore; I run the thing.

She wants me to give up the extra income so we can have more normal weekend time together. I understand where she's coming from, but I'd rather hold onto it for a few more years until my engineering salary goes up a bit more.

The big problem is that if I quit this weekend job, it's gone. I'm not getting it back. And I seriously doubt I'd find another side gig that pays this well, this consistently, for so few hours.

So I'm stuck: am I risking the relationship because I'm clinging to the money, or would I be making a huge mistake if I quit the job and then, if things don't work out with her, find myself alone and making a lot less than I could have been?

I've been at my company for four years as a senior analyst. I make $72k, work a very normal week of around 38-43 hours, and honestly, I'm good at what I do. I also have an actual life outside of work. I coach my son's basketball team, see my friends, and don't sit around refreshing Slack on Sundays.

A few weeks ago, my manager offered me a promotion to team lead. On paper, yes, it seemed like the logical next step. But this is what came with it:

- Managing 7 people (and I've never managed anyone before, with no training plan whatsoever)

- Becoming the escalation point for any issue when clients get stressed, including nights and weekends

- Attending all manager meetings (which would add about 8 hours a week)

- Keeping the same project work I'm doing now, but with a layer of "leadership" added on top

- Being expected to be "visible" and "always available"

- New salary: $77,000

So the raise would be $5,000. About 7%. Maybe 8% if I close my eyes and pretend taxes don't exist.

In exchange for work that would probably turn into 52-58 hours a week, random weekend messages, and the feeling that I'm chained down. My manager kept saying it was a "huge opportunity" and that "leadership experience" would help me later in my career.

I didn't say no right away. I thought about it for a few days, and I talked to the three people who either currently have that role or had it recently. One of them practically laughed and said, "It looks good on LinkedIn," which honestly did not sell me on the idea at all. Another told me she hadn't taken a real vacation in 14 months because there was always a client issue or an internal fire drill.

So I turned it down. Politely. I said I appreciated them thinking of me, but I didn't think it was the right fit for me right now.

My manager's response? "I'm disappointed. I thought you had more ambition than that. This is how people build a career. You can't stay comfortable forever."

Since then, things have gotten weird. Suddenly I'm not being added to meetings I used to attend. And my manager made a comment in front of the team about how "some people are fine staying exactly where they are, and I guess that's their choice." The person they eventually brought in from outside is clearly overwhelmed after only four weeks.

The part I can't get past is: when did wanting a normal life start meaning you have no ambition? I like my job. I'm good at it. I make decent money. I have time for my family. Why is that being treated like a character flaw?

I've watched coworkers chase the corporate ladder and slowly turn into ghosts of themselves. They make more money, sure, but they're also answering emails during dinner, missing birthdays, and joking about stress like it's a personality trait. One told me he couldn't remember the last time he read a book that wasn't work-related.

Is that really the goal? A better title and maybe an extra $350 a month after taxes, in exchange for selling your evenings, weekends, and mental health?

My wife says I made the right decision, and that my manager is probably upset because he chose the opposite path a while ago and needs to justify it to himself. My dad says I'm "missing opportunities" and that "you have to pay the price of the road."

Honestly, I don't know anymore. Did I screw up my career by saying no? Am I just lazy and hiding behind work-life balance, or do I have the right to say that 7% more money isn't worth 35% more work and way less free time?

Has anyone else turned down a promotion for similar reasons? What happened to your career afterward?

Hi everyone,

I work in IT Support on fixed shifts (7-3, 3-11, 11-7). We need coverage at all times, so at shift handoff times (7am / 3pm / 11pm), there's supposed to be someone monitoring the queue and receiving incoming work.

The problem is that when the person coming in for the shift after mine is late, the person leaving is expected to stay until the other person arrives. If it's a few minutes every now and then, fine, I get it.

But with certain people, this happens most days of the week. It's like they've basically learned that they can come in late whenever they want, and the person whose shift is ending is the one who gets stuck and has to stay past the end of their shift.

A few days ago, I clocked out as soon as my shift ended, and since the person after me still hadn't arrived, coverage was empty for a bit. The manager sent me an email afterward saying this can't happen and that he expects me to keep covering until the person after me is there. I haven't replied yet.

Am I wrong to think that this should be dealt with by addressing the people who are always coming in late, instead of putting it on the person who worked their full shift and left on time? I don't have a problem covering once in a while when something comes up, but I don't want "just wait until they arrive" to turn into a routine expectation with no pay.

How do other teams usually handle this kind of thing?

Is it normal for the outgoing shift to keep sitting there every time someone else is late?

Honestly, the hiring process here has been a nightmare. We spent about four months going back and forth, HR wasn't responding to my follow-ups, and I had to redo the paperwork several times just to get a start date. I should have noticed the red flags earlier.

Today I did the virtual orientation. In the middle of the call, they said my supervisor was supposed to have sent me the schedule two weeks ago. I had to pester HR to contact the department head because I hadn't heard from anyone. I spent the whole day waiting for any information. Then, at 11:42 PM, she finally sent me an email telling me I have to be in the office at 7:15 AM tomorrow. Not even a "sorry I'm late," just a command. My commute takes 50 minutes by car and I haven't even prepared my things yet.

Is this as crazy as I feel it is? This place has a great reputation, but the experience so far has been terrible. I'm really dreading going in when I haven't even clocked in once. What do you think?

Honestly, I was one badge tap away from bailing and landing on the Diplodocus's neck this afternoon when she cornered me. I've been doing this job for 27 years... But the subject has never been brought up. Not once.

I told her I have a certificate in a completely different field, so now she wants me to look for the original paper itself. I told her this was from 34 years ago, and honestly it might be in a cardboard box, or a drawer, or buried in some very old folder at my parents' place.

She didn't seem bothered by that at all.

Also, my manager is traveling for a few weeks... And that is not helping my nerves at all, tbh. Any advice from fellow model employees would be greatly appreciated.

I'm currently working at an agency and have been there for more than 4 years. I submitted my resignation because I accepted a senior role at a bigger agency. On a call with one of the execs, he asked me where I was going and what the new position was.

When I explained the role to him, he told me he "advises me to take some classes before I start" because he doesn't think my current skills are suited to what I was accepted to do.

Honestly, I'm really pissed off and needed to get this off my chest. And I'm even more relieved that I'm leaving now, because the lack of professionalism was really bizarre.

The best part is that I'm the only person at the current agency handling this work, so the idea that he'd say I don't have that skill set is incredibly irritating. Especially since almost immediately afterward he said he was worried they'd lose clients and new opportunities when I leave.

Absurd.