u/MelancholicEmbrace_x

Hello, I’m new to this forum.

From the time I was young I was always able to read and feel other people’s emotions among other things. A friend would tell me about something that hurt them and I’d start crying with them. I would get anxiety when anyone would raise their voice or scream, slam things, etc. I grew up in a broken, dysfunctional, household and constantly had to walk on eggshells.

As I got older I learned to distance myself from feelings, because it gets overwhelming and I would be left feeling depleted. It would take me days or weeks to recover. I also hated being vulnerable.

I cry easily when reading or watching anything privately, but in public I do my best to be stoic and neutral. I’ve experienced so much loss that I’m at a point in life that I’m afraid of connection.

Today something happened and I felt moved and connected. It felt special.

As a coworker and I were crossing paths they seemed off. When someone seems off I ask if they’re okay. Most answer with the usual, “I’m good, just tired.” Some will open up. This coworker responded with, “I’m fine, why? Do I not look fine?” Me: “I always ask if people are doing okay. You seem troubled today, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Coworker blurts something out that theyre going through. Me: “do you want to talk about it?” Coworker shares more and is crying. I can feel their pain, so I start tearing up. Later in the day coworker approaches me and asks if I’m busy. I tell them I have a spare moment. They go into more details and I start crying again. They’re not crying this time, but I could still feel their pain and couldn’t control my emotions.

There have been other times that people share things, but show no emotion and I still get emotional. Anyone else?

This is long winded, so buckle up.

In retrospect, I think I may have hit peri in my early 30s (unless there’s something else that can cause all the issues I’ve had), but know for sure I was *in* peri in my late 30s. This is something no one prepares us for.

What initially caused me concern and urged me to research was after my period was out of whack, I started encountering other issues. Insane hot flashes, irritability, could no longer regulate my emotions (the most trivial thing would cause me to burst into tears or go into a rage), lost my filter (started blurting stuff out when all my life I was reserved and afraid of hurting someone’s feelings so kept things bottled up, etc.), waking up in the middle of night, the list goes on.

In my early 30s I was waking every morning at 3 am, suffering from night sweats among other things. I simply chalked it up to relationship stress and went about my life.

Without going into all details I went almost a year without a cycle then spotted for a few days (3-4) light pink- not even enough to fill a panty liner. I started my tracker over, because I didn’t know if the spotting counted as a period or was caused by something else.

I’m almost at a year again, and can’t seem to function. I’m early 40s and work as a manager in a warehouse. I’ve endured chronic stress here and have various ofher health issues (some of which I believe are due to stress). I don’t know if there’s any correlation; maybe I’m crazy?. I lost a close family member while in the process of moving and went on an LOA because I couldn’t handle that *and* the stress from work. I was desperate so I went to my PCP and explained things and asked for a referral to a mental health provider (btw she brushed off perimenopause). Dr prescribed me anti depressants and wrote a note for me to take time off.

Upon coming back things were okay at work for a while then progressively got worse. I fought to get transferred to another dept thinking I’d be happy and able to function. Boy was I wrong. Encountered problems there and have pushed through, but can’t seem function anymore, and simply no longer care about meeting their metrics. I make the silliest of mistakes. All of a sudden I’m doing as asked by higher ups, but then criticized in front of others as though *I* screwed up. I work well when things are organized. Theyre not organized here, and it stresses me out more.

I’ve feel debilitated and am barely able to care for myself. The only thing that gets me out of the house on days off is the fact that my dog needs walks.

I’ve contemplated going on a leave, quitting, you name it.

If you read this far thank you. If you’ve had similar experiences with the change and work please share. What do you do when you can no longer function at work?

On work days it’s usually dark out when I take my dog for his morning walk and it’s almost always rushed. I was off today, so I waited to walk him until a little later in the morning and was able to let him take his time (he’s the type of dog who will spend 15+ minutes sniffing one spot).

It’s starting to get hot (nearing the triple digits) where I live, but the mornings are still cool for the time being. Took my dog out around 7 am and it was mildly chilly with a light breeze. As we were walking we reached a spot where the sun was brightly shining on us. I stood there as he was sniffing around and soaked up the warmth of the sun while enjoying the gentle, cool, breeze.

I spend most of my time in a warehouse, and when I’m off I isolate in my apartment, so this small moment brought me so much joy. I felt alive again.

I’d really like to hear what brought you joy today.