u/MeowntainDewAddict

I haven’t told my best friend any of this yet, and her wedding isn’t until October 2027, so I’m trying to decide what to do before things get closer.
For privacy, I’ll call my best friend Bonnie and the other bridesmaid Lily.
The three of us used to be inseparable. We were all best friends for years, but eventually my friendship with Lily completely fell apart.
Lily was someone who got upset with me a lot. If I canceled plans because something came up or got off a video game to spend time with my boyfriend, she’d tell me I was choosing him over her or that I was a bad friend. She was also in a relationship where her boyfriend cheated on her multiple times. I listened and supported her for a long time, but after hearing about the same problems over and over while nothing changed, I became emotionally drained.
Eventually I reached my breaking point. I told her I didn’t want to continue the friendship and blocked her.
Bonnie ended up caught in the middle. Lily would tell Bonnie I was a bitch or that I was a terrible friend. I told Bonnie that I still cared about Lily and would always love her like a sister, but I couldn’t continue a friendship that was affecting my own mental well-being. I felt like we’d become completely different people.
A couple of weeks ago Bonnie had her engagement party. My boyfriend and I showed up early to help decorate and set everything up. Lily arrived a few hours later. Right before she got there, my boyfriend and I stepped outside for a few minutes just to talk.
Apparently Lily told Bonnie that I only went outside because she had arrived.
From my perspective, that wasn’t true. I honestly didn’t want to spend the night feeling uncomfortable or getting dirty looks, and I did leave not too long after she got there because I didn’t want there to be any awkwardness. But hearing that she immediately told Bonnie I went outside because of her made me feel like she was still trying to create drama.
A few days after the engagement party was when I started seriously questioning whether I even wanted to be a bridesmaid anymore.
The part I’m struggling with the most isn’t even Lily anymore. It’s Bonnie.
I know Bonnie has been stuck in the middle for years, and I don’t expect her to choose between us. It’s her wedding, and she has every right to have whoever she wants standing beside her.
But I also don’t know what gets said when I’m not around.
If Lily is calling me names or talking badly about me, does Bonnie defend me? Does she stay silent? Does she agree? I honestly have no idea, and that uncertainty has made it hard for me to fully trust her.
Part of me feels guilty because Bonnie hasn’t actually done anything directly to me. Another part of me feels like if one of my closest friends was constantly being insulted, I’d speak up for them.
At this point, I’m wondering if it’s better to step down as a bridesmaid now instead of forcing myself through months of wedding planning, dress shopping, a bachelorette party, rehearsals, and the wedding day while feeling anxious and uncomfortable.
I also know that if stepping down ends up ending my friendship with Bonnie, I’m not sure I’d even be as upset as I thought I would be because lately I’ve started questioning how strong our friendship really is.