u/MerryAceOfSpades

Up until I was 18, I never noticed my mood. I was generally a really happy person. I was very talkative, and active and creative. Around turning 19 I started to shift, I was awake for days at a time, hurting myself, having a lot of ideations. I wasn’t eating anything, and would go a week at a time without showering.

I made my way to urgent care, and eventually ended up at a doctors office. I was referred to a psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. I got put on lamictal and prozac, as well as seroqeul for sleep. I never really noticed any benefits, just having really bad sexual side effects. Like I injected it with lidocaine. Even after 6 months, and I eventually just dropped everything.

In 2024 I went through a particularly bad breakup, seeing the person I was dating engaging in the act with their guy best friend.

I spent 35 days sleeping, and drinking. I would wake up, drink whiskey, and go back to bed. I was sleeping 20-23 hours a day, and not eating anything and dropped 30lbs. I eventually got over this, and have since slowed down.

However I have developed a habit for alcohol, consuming the equivalent of 12 beers every night based on alcohol content. I haven’t felt fully aware in the last couple years, and am tired of waking up with a pounding headache and brain fog. I feel dissociative every day, and can’t remember what it’s like to feel normal. I wake up feeling like i’m a total degenerate, and on the verge of tears every morning.

I still contemplate atleast 3 times a week, it just feels like a normal part of my life now. I even purchased a handgun a couple years ago for this particular reason.

I’ve tried going to numerous clinics asking for help, and they always just send me somewhere else, Until I am out of options. I go there asking them desperately to help me, and it doesn’t feel like they care. I remember cutting myself in the parking lot of one, because I felt so stupid thinking they would do anything for me.

Anyways, I’m wondering if there is an SSRI that would help me not crave alcohol so much.

Im sure this will get removed but the monthly advice thread hasn’t been posted in over 3 months.

I am currently living in portland OR, and have been since I was born. I’m kinda getting tired of living here and am wanting to move, and I’ve always really loved the seattle area.

The only issue is i’m not particularly familiar with the industry there, i’m assuming a lot of Maritime with all the docks.

I do have welding experience, a lot of production FCAW on train rail cars, and stainless TIG welding on high pressure sanitary vessels, some experience making commercial signage with aluminum and steel, and managed and operated a DSD bread route for dave’s killer bread.

I’ve been roll bending, and tube bending for the last 3 years at a very big company in tualitin oregon, and making my way towards a journeyman roller operator. So my brain is pretty hot on radius math, spiral calculations, and everything that goes with it.

Any advice on where to start would be greatly appreciated!