u/Midnight-Longings

I am one of a few others in my community that network together. We are trying to expand our network as we believe in community over competition.

Our city is huge and some sitters cover the entire city and some choose to cover a small area. We love being able to refer out to each other when prospective clients don’t match our area/skills/niches as well as general support as this job can get lonely!

We post about our network on social media.

🐾 What would motivate you to attend a meeting (usually an informal dinner/drinks)?
🐾 What would keep you coming back?
🐾 What makes you hesitate to join?

I appreciate all of your feedback 😸

Update: this has turned into a very interesting comment section about how many updates a day are given for house sits. It’s been interesting to see the differing standards between sitters. Thank you!

I have decided not to give feedback to this sitter as I think we have different perspectives and service different client avatars.
——-

TLDR: would you give constructive feedback for a pet sitter you think has potential, but needs support?

**Why I’m upset**
I had her come for some short visits prior to the overnight. I was happy with how she handled my anxious dog and she sent me photos and updates. Not as many photos or high quality as I send my Clients, but fairly detailed updates so I had no complaints and we moved forward with overnights. I was expecting a similar experience. But during the overnight, I was getting one blurry photo a day with a one sentence “update” that wasn’t an update. So….i know she’s capable of a good and reasonable update!

I’m a very anxious pet parent and have always catered a little more to my anxious clients with more detailed updates, so I asked her if she could send 2 updates a day with more photos to ease my anxiety. She agreed, did so for one day, then stopped. It was a week long overnight and I got maybe 10 photos total. She would take a while to respond when I would ask how my dog was and most days didn’t send any update until I prompted one. I honestly had no idea how often she was at my house or wasn’t at my house or what they did all day.

My dog is afraid of men (and people in general, but worse with men). She and her husband work together and she said she purposely didn’t bring him to the meet and greet because he wouldn’t be helping with this booking. (I will give the benefit of the doubt that maybe I didn’t understand her correctly). At the very last visit, she plugged the camera back in and he was in my apartment.

It was the lack of communication that has me most upset.

**why I didn’t rehire**
Due to the rules on this subreddit, I can’t talk about a concern of mine that played into this so I’ll try to say this in a way that doesn’t flag me as the issue isn’t what I can’t mention, but what plays into the lack of communication. Let’s just say that the first sit was one amount and the second sit was a very different amount. my ex asked why there was a change as she didn’t mention there was a change until we asked.

She said the following.

-my dog needed more potty breaks because she didn’t pee “on her schedule”
-she was following my training (i didn’t ask her to do any training)
-pill pocket medication administration (she knew this prior to accepting)
-upkeep of my house

We did not rehire as the new amount did not seem an accurate reflection of the service provided.

**why I want to give feedback**
I’m part of a network with local sitters and this sitter did so well with my anxious dog and seemed to understand how to handle an anxious dog and was aware of body language. She would be a good addition to our network with some improvement. We refer out to each other as well as mentor newbies (technically I’m still a newbie and so thankful for their support!)

I can’t talk about another thing I want to talk about that plays into my dilema so i will say that she is very inconsistent sit-to-sit and service-to-service.

I had referred her after my drop ins but before my overnight. It was a little embarrassing when my clients told me why they didn’t go with her as I thought it would be a comparable amount.

I think this sitter was overall good, she just needs feedback from other sitters. Better updates, more photos, better photos, and more consistency. I feel she has a lot of potential especially with anxious pets. My dog does love her, I just don’t love the lack of communication.

——-
I see her often in person, so it might feel a little awkward but it is what it is.

Feedback is appreciated!

ETA2: client responded and said they will contact their plumber when they are home

ETA: it got so much worse 😭 I did tell the client that the toilet was clogged and said I’d pay for a plumber (bc I thought it was a Local clog) and for them to let me know how to proceed (bc idk maybe they have a specific person they use? It’s also a gated community and no matter what I do, they will still need to add them to their visitor list. It’s not something I have access to be able to do.)

So. Even if I COULD call an emergency plumber, they will not be able to get in. It’s not a guard at the gate. It’s all electronic. So just the cherry on top of it all.

I didn’t have to pee again until 11pm when I discovered the other toilet doesn’t flush.

It seems like it’s a blockage somewhere deep down because I cannot flush other toilets and the shower (I ran some water just to test it thankfully) is causing water to bubble back up into the toilet.

I am terrified I’m going to get blamed. How much does it even cost for an entire plumbing line to be fixed 😭😭😭
———-

Who’s responsible for paying for a plumber?

My overnight pet sit toilet clogged. I’ve been trying for HOURS to unclog it.

I’ve plunged, I’ve tried hot water and dish soap, plunged some more. Nothing is working.

It’s draining and drains almost all the way, but I cannot flush it without it trying to overflow again.

If they have to call a plumber when they get back (because I just don’t know what more to do) who pays for it?

Does pet insurance usually cover house things?

TLDR: is it okay for me to stay friends with my gay ex husband now that our lives are fully untangled and we can be just friends.

Needing an outside unbiased perspective (if one can be unbiased in this kind of thread lol)

I was in a relationship with my ex husband (well, we are only separated right now but no plans to get back together) for 6 years, married for 2 of them. He came out as gay April 2025 (previously I knew he was bi. I’m also queer) and we separated because he wanted to be with guys and to be quite honest, I think I’m asexual. Our sex life was always a challenge and he either saw this as his out or it’s true. I did tell him when we started dating that I have a low sex drive and for him to come to me if he felt he couldn’t do it anymore.

At one point, he asked me to take him back. Said he made a mistake, that sex isn’t everything. I said no because I’m wrestling with my own identity and feeling so much happier without having to think about sex with anyone. I also learned that I really enjoy living alone and having 100% control of my space.

We stayed living together because we couldn’t afford to break the lease. He got a new job where he travels so he hasn’t been around since November 2025.

All the time apart did make me see things about our marriage that I wasn’t happy about. His mom was a big issue for us as he bends over backwards to her without considering my feelings (letting her stay overnight without asking me, not being firm about her moving stuff around in our apartment, cancelling a date night bc his mom needs something). I also realized that I did a lot of the work in our home. I cooked, I cleaned, I trained the dog, I budgeted, I planned etc.

All that being said, in our 6 years as a couple, we didn’t have many issues. Always enjoyed time together. Always good conversations. We worked through any conflict easily (minus his mom). I was really in love with him and was genuinely happy. I was devastated when we separated, but I still would never take him back.

Since then, we’ve continued talking because of the shared lease and because I’m caring for our/his dog until he gets approval to take her with him for work. We haven’t had any big issues since he moved out and are overall amicable. Our points of contention have been bills and the dog.

He recently came back to pack up his stuff as our lease is over. I’m frustrated because it was really good seeing him again. We went out to eat one day and watched a movie together the other. Strictly platonic, no feelings of wanting him back but my heart is aching again because I miss him…just as a friend. I don’t miss the marriage.

Unfortunately I’ve spent most of the last year venting to my friends about the issues I can clearly see now from our marriage. Initially my friends knew we wanted to stay friends, but as time went on and bills weren’t getting paid because he wasn’t making enough during job training, then couldn’t take his dog when he thought he could which caused issues with my work (it got resolved. It was just a pain bc we had to last minute find care for her as his mom is out of the country for a while). So my friends absolutely hate him now and think this needs to absolutely end.

Im struggling because I don’t want to let go of my (his) dog and I also do still enjoy his company.

I think now that we are no longer in a lease together and his mom taking the dog so we’re no longer sharing her (I told him that she had to take him. I honestly don’t want that, I’d keep her forever, but i needed to untangle our lives) that it makes a better boundaried friendship. He still very much wants to stay friends.

I have no plans to date again (unless I found someone else asexual) and he isn’t planning on dating because his job is too demanding and he travels all over the country. But I’m aware if either of us started to date, the friendship may need to end. I feel okay with this. I do feel friends and relationships are just for a season. I’m okay if we stay friends and things just naturally fizzle out.

He was still friends with his ex when we met which was hard at first (she’s only into women now and they had a lot of issues in their marriage and worked better as friends) I’m aware that’s super unconventional, but I kept an open mind at the start of our relationship. I ended up being friends with her too and we’d have girls days together a fair amount. I never felt threatened by her. I’ve also stayed friends with a few exes until time drifted us apart. Personally, I think we’re capable of this as humans. It doesn’t always mean there’s still romantic love there or that they’re sleeping together.

I’m just having a really hard time cutting things off completely with him once his mom takes the dog. That’s the only thing right now making us need to stay in communication (aside from filing the divorce. Money has been a challenge on his side).

I think we work great as friends. I think he wanted me back because he feels alone. I feel alone too. But I have better emotional awareness to understand that loneliness doesn’t mean I want my husband back as my husband.

I’d rather just let life take its course. If it drives us apart, it drives us apart. It happens plenty with friendships. But it pains me deeply to tell him that I want to cut all communication…because I don’t want that. And I wish I hadn’t vented so hard to my friends about it all. But I was trying to heal and trying to understand what was happening and I was trying to protect my heart.

Would love others thoughts on this, especially if you’ve stayed friends with your ex. Are my emotions just fueling this or is it okay for me to stay friends with my gay ex husband now that our lives are fully untangled.

TLDR: is it okay for me to stay friends with my gay ex husband now that our lives are fully untangled and we can be just friends.

Needing an outside unbiased perspective (if one can be unbiased in this kind of thread lol)

I was in a relationship with my ex husband (well, we are only separated right now but no plans to get back together) for 6 years, married for 2 of them. He came out as gay April 2025 (previously I knew he was bi. I’m also queer) and we separated because he wanted to be with guys and to be quite honest, I think I’m asexual. Our sex life was always a challenge and he either saw this as his out or it’s true. I did tell him when we started dating that I have a low sex drive and for him to come to me if he felt he couldn’t do it anymore.

At one point, he asked me to take him back. Said he made a mistake, that sex isn’t everything. I said no because I’m wrestling with my own identity and feeling so much happier without having to think about sex with anyone. I also learned that I really enjoy living alone and having 100% control of my space. He said he was having a hard time picturing this life without me In it in some capacity.

We stayed living together because we couldn’t afford to break the lease. He got a new job where he travels so he hasn’t been around since November 2025.

All the time apart did make me see things about our marriage that I wasn’t happy about. His mom was a big issue for us as he bends over backwards to her without considering my feelings (letting her stay overnight without asking me, not being firm about her moving stuff around in our apartment, cancelling a date night bc his mom needs something). I also realized that I did a lot of the work in our home. I cooked, I cleaned, I trained the dog, I budgeted, I planned etc.

All that being said, in our 6 years as a couple, we didn’t have many issues. Always enjoyed time together. Always good conversations. We worked through any conflict easily (minus his mom). I was really in love with him and was genuinely happy. I was devastated when we separated, but I still would never take him back.

Since then, we’ve continued talking because of the shared lease and because I’m caring for our/his dog until he gets approval to take her with him for work. We haven’t had any big issues since he moved out and are overall amicable. Our points of contention have been bills and the dog.

He recently came back to pack up his stuff as our lease is over. I’m frustrated because it was really good seeing him again. We went out to eat one day and watched a movie together the other. Strictly platonic, no feelings of wanting him back but my heart is aching again because I miss him…just as a friend. I don’t miss the marriage.

Unfortunately I’ve spent most of the last year venting to my friends about the issues I can clearly see now from our marriage. Initially my friends knew we wanted to stay friends, but as time went on and bills weren’t getting paid because he wasn’t making enough during job training, then couldn’t take his dog when he thought he could which caused issues with my work (it got resolved. It was just a pain bc we had to last minute find care for her as his mom is out of the country for a while). So my friends absolutely hate him now and think this needs to absolutely end.

Im struggling because I don’t want to let go of my (his) dog and I also do still enjoy his company.

I think now that we are no longer in a lease together and his mom taking the dog so we’re no longer sharing her (I told him that she had to take him. I honestly don’t want that, I’d keep her forever, but i needed to untangle our lives) that it makes a better boundaried friendship. He still very much wants to stay friends.

I have no plans to date again (unless I found someone else asexual) and he isn’t planning on dating because his job is too demanding and he travels all over the country. But I’m aware if either of us started to date, the friendship may need to end. I feel okay with this. I do feel friends and relationships are just for a season. I’m okay if we stay friends and things just naturally fizzle out.

He was still friends with his ex when we met which was hard at first (she’s only into women now and they had a lot of issues in their marriage and worked better as friends) I’m aware that’s super unconventional, but I kept an open mind at the start of our relationship. I ended up being friends with her too and we’d have girls days together a fair amount. I never felt threatened by her. I’ve also stayed friends with a few exes until time drifted us apart. Personally, I think we’re capable of this as humans. It doesn’t always mean there’s still romantic love there or that they’re sleeping together.

I’m just having a really hard time cutting things off completely with him once his mom takes the dog. That’s the only thing right now making us need to stay in communication (aside from filing the divorce. Money has been a challenge on his side).

I think we work great as friends. I think he wanted me back because he feels alone. I feel alone too. But I have better emotional awareness to understand that loneliness doesn’t mean I want my husband back as my husband.

I’d rather just let life take its course. If it drives us apart, it drives us apart. It happens plenty with friendships. But it pains me deeply to tell him that I want to cut all communication…because I don’t want that. And I wish I hadn’t vented so hard to my friends about it all. But I was trying to heal and trying to understand what was happening and I was trying to protect my heart.

Would love others thoughts on this, especially if you’ve stayed friends with your ex. Are my emotions just fueling this or is it okay for me to stay friends with my gay ex husband now that our lives are fully untangled.

I’m a solo pet sitter and recently gained reoccurring Monday-Friday dog walks. Usually when I go away (which is rare), I just don’t book any pet care. This time is not that easy.

How do I tell them I’m going away? Do I need to be detailed or just say I won’t be in town? I will be suggesting a back up walker, they will have to schedule the meet and greet with the backup walker (I can assist with it! But just to explain that it’s another pet sitter company)

- I’m leaving for maybe half a week in July for my sisters baby shower. I have coverage that can take my walks if they’d like to use her.

- I’m also going to need to leave pretty last minute when she goes into labor (she lives out of state). This will mean extremely short notice for the rest of the week. I have a couple options for last Minute coverage

I feel like the lowest human being right now.

I am too high to go to an emergency for a client.

My client had surgery today so I spent the day with the dogs (they don’t leave them alone for long periods of time. I probably should have thought about potential complications and stayed sober tonight.

It was a same day surgery, she doesn’t live alone. There are complications and she’s going back to the hospital and asked me to come back tonight (9pm).

I was off early today (3pm) for the first time in weeks and don’t start work til 9am (my usual is 7am). I treated myself to an edible.

Now I feel AWFUL saying no because she’s an amazing client. I’d be there absolutely if I wasn’t high.

I don’t know what I’m asking for here. I just feel terrible and irresponsible.