She's here 🩷🌈
I'm finally writing her birth story, because it was so magical and redeeming, something I never dared to hope for. I didn't expect a positive birth experience. I just wanted a birth experience that ended with a living baby and a living mother, and that was all.
PAL is really, really hard, and honestly, no one in my life - expect my husband - could truly imagine what I've been through over the last two years. I'm so grateful for this amazing PAL community. You mamas have been such an incredible support and are truly inspiring. ❤️
My second daughter was born on July 22 at 38 weeks, exactly 13 months after my firstborn daughter, who died at the summer solstice and was born sleeping on June 22 at 37+6. (The dates are interesting enough)
We had planned an induction at 38 weeks. The final ultrasound wasn't particularly reassuring for me, as she was measuring tiny, around the 15th percentile. Overall, everything looked good to my OB, but her head hadn't engaged and she was positioned sunny-side up, so we decided to wait until 38+4 and giving her a couple more days to cook. My baby had other plans.
The next day, I planned a full-on distraction day: a family lunch, some quality time with my husband, relaxation, pregnancy workout and some spinning babies positioning exercises. At night, we went for a walk in the woods and drove around. We encountered so many animals with their little ones, and when we saw a tiny bunny, I thought it might be a sign that our baby would be here soon. (Lol, it really was a sign.)
I had a couple of Braxton Hicks contractions in the car, which were maybe a little stronger than usual. Maybe my positioning exercises worked a little too well, haha. After 10 pm, I started having contractions about 10 minutes apart. I thought it wasn't a big deal because they weren't really painful, but they just wouldn't stop, so I called my midwife. I took a bath to see if things would progress.
Well... things progressed really fast, I didn't realize it at the time. I don't know why I wasn't more worried, because my first birth progressed really quickly too. At night, it was a 90-minute drive to our chosen hospital, compared to two hours during the day (I wasn't worried of the distance because we planned an induction). In the car, my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I was in a completely different dimension, really, but I will remember that drive forever. Between contractions, my baby kept nudging me, almost as if she was saying, "It's all good, Mama," just like she had throughout the entire pregnancy. Actually, I didn't have time to panic or worry. I just went with the flow.
We arrived at the hospital after 3 am, and thank God I didn't give birth in the car. By that time, I was already 8-9 cm dilated, and my midwife told me she would be on my chest within half an hour, which felt absolutely surreal. My OB was on call that night, so somehow every little detail seemed to fall perfectly into place.
We briefly decided that she would arrive in the tub. The warm water and oil massage felt so good. At first, I was on all fours, then I felt that it was time, so I lay back, and after two pushes, she was born in the water. And when I saw that the cord was around her neck, I was shocked. She cried immediately. They laid her on my chest, and my husband and I both cried, but there were other watery eyes in that room too.
She was a tiny little perfect baby, just looking around with her big, button-like eyes, probably wondering why my first question was, "Is she really okay?"
And this birth experience was everything I had ever wished for before everything happened: totally unmedicated, and I birthed my little water-sign baby in water. 🌊
I did this. I can't believe it.
Over the last 13 months, I have embraced my spiritual side, and my connection with my angel has grown stronger and stronger. I feel wrapped in her soul. I prayed and prayed for her little sibling and for her safety. I asked for signs and for her guidance. And I just know she's watching over us, and that she helped her little sister arrive safely.
This is me learning to carry a lifetime of grief, which has really been resurfacing these days with our newborn.
I’m so, so grateful for our little family. I’m truly wishing you all a positive birth experience and, most importantly, a healthy baby to bring home. 🤍
(Sorry if my English isn't perfect, it's my second language.)