u/MindlessMinute5907

I love it so much.

Arthur and Merlin crack me up this episode.

I love the fact Arthur has no proof that Merlin was not being a creep looking in the window with the mirror and still accepted the weird behaviour that one time.

And the conversation where Merlin says
“Well he won’t be so damn happy once he discovers his wife is a fruit munching monster”
That cracks me up

And Arthur saying to Merlin that he was trying to be a good friend

And then looking after Merlin telling him to escape

I feel you can really see how close the bond has grown in these episodes and as funny as it is. It’s heart warming.

Basically long story short

I’m struggling to trust anybody in my life

My best friend is my favourite person but slowly been trying to detach that as I fear my behaviours have pushed us apart. Well know they have.

I am trying my hardest to not let things get to me personally, and if so I’m now keeping them to myself as though I feel like I can no longer trust this person, nothing on them.

It genuinely is all about how I feel , but I don’t want to show emotions around them anymore as I fear I’m pushing them away.

I don’t want to lose them, but also not being able to speak on it is making me push myself away because I’m really struggling.

I miss seeing each other in person and feeling like I actually matter in their life.

Obviously work and stuff gets in the way and relationships grow stronger else where but I need to see people in person to maintain connection or feel like there’s still something there. Specially after recent circumstances where I feel I acted out of place and things became distant for a bit.

But I just feel like I’m not needed anymore as they have stronger connections and I miss feeling that with them.

I know it’s a part of life but feels like I’m losing the only person I trusted and could speak to, and it’s because I can’t open up because I’m paranoid and scared they will tell other people.

They never have in the past but I don’t want to push them away when in reality I just miss them.

I’m trying to focus my time on bettering myself and I’m trying to do more things where I can meet new people

But this is incredibly hard I feel like I’m grieving what I’m creating myself.

I didn’t ask for this or want it, but if I can’t get past my own emotions and learn to open up again then I’m going to lose them anyway. And it sucks because I don’t see a way out of this.

The emotions are too intense and I’ve tried being fine but it takes over.

I’m scared to lose them because it’s my longest friendship and I’ve lost so many people all ready.

But trying to become healthy and change my mindset is so hard I have to remind myself 24/7

I wish I never had bpd it’s ruined my life over and over again I feel like I’m in so much pain.

I don’t want to be too much for people anymore but I truly don’t know how to be myself and grow when I’m plagued by over whelming emotions 24/7

I try putting on an act but get snappy and overwhelmed too quickly so then I isolate

I just don’t know if there’s ever going to be a way out

And I know it may seem like I’m playing a victim card I’m genuinely not like this all the time but around certain people and things it’s so intense I’m fed up as my brain thinking the only solutions is to isolate and detach

But I genuinely feel like I’m grieving and it’s a lot.

I do self care, I meditate I journal , I’ve got plans in place for when I feel unstable but nothing works. I’m exaughsted.

I want to stop getting in the way of my own life. But when I feel so alone I just don’t see a point anymore

I so wish Merlin spoke openly to Morgana about his magic when protecting the “ Druid boy”

I have such love and hate for this episode 😭like come on why a part of me wishes he was also executed 😭🤣

I’m terrible but I hope others agree

Also think it’s hilarious when uther said to Merlin “ do you suffer with a mental affiliation”

I shall be using that frequently

Researching for the 50th time

And it hurts so much I love it.

Morgana while good and caring and protecting hurts my soul 😭 I love her character progression but I really do wish they created two different series with two different endings 🤣😭