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I go to smaller sized Baptist church that has a toned down worship style. I am descended from the Wesley family who helped create the Methodist church and who were deeply involved as Anglicans. My grandparents were Methodist and I went to their Methodist church often and also went to an Anglican church for a few months. I also went to Westminister Abbey in London two years ago, and it was the coolest Anglican church I have been in. I would probably be Methodist or Anglican if I weren't Baptist. I am a credobaptist, but infant baptism isn't a hill I would die on or anything - I see some understanding for paedobaptism in scripture, but I'm not convinced on the arguments and the idea of regenerative grace being available through it.

I am Reformed leaning and in terms of Reformed theology, the idea that limited atonement is the biggest hurdle for me to join one makes sense, at least in regard to Confessional Reformed churches, like Presbyterians or Reformed Baptists. But historically, the Reformed movement has also had some agreement with unlimited atonement (Christ died for all, but none would come to him, so God used unconditional election and irresistible grace to call the elect), or some moderate version of limited atonement (Christ's death is sufficient for all, efficient for the elect). Theologians like John Davenant, a Reformed Anglican at the Synod of Dort, and Zacharias Ursinus who helped formulate the Heidelburg Cathecism held to universal atonement. Moises Amyraut had his own distinct variant of Calvinism called Amyraldism that affirmed single predestination and universal atonement while maintaining the Deterministic framework of Calvinism. Even John Calvin, who wrote commentaries on John 3:16 and Romans 5:15-19, seemed to affirm universal atonement. So the historical Reformed churches, and Reformed Anglican churches especially, tend to heed towards a significant form of agreement with universal atonement with some capacity.

I would also consider myself very Reformed leaning Baptist in regard to my theology regarding covenants and I disagree with Dispensationalism and Premillenialism (which unfortunately is very prominent in Southern Baptist churches), and I reject that communion is just a symbol, I genuinely think Christ is spiritually present, which I know Methodists and Anglicans tend to agree with also. I also affirm all of TULIP minus limited atonement. Reformed churches are also incredibly gifted with their expository preaching, which I know is something Methodists and other Protestants can desire, but Baptist churches tend to fall into that category, it just depends which one.

But for me I reject the Calvinistic framework for understanding sovereignty and free will, as I reject Determinism since I'm a Molinist, which is tied to the Jesuit movement. I believe God orchestrates history like the Calvinists, and deny that God simply looks through time like Arminians, but I disagree that every human choice is rooted in God's decreed will. I believe God orchestrates middle knowledge of every human choice and then molds history to fit His will without compromising human free will. So I often am seen as a "Calminian" as I affirm aspects of both sides of the initial Reformed debate. I could easily attend an Arminian approaching church or a Calvinist leaning church, because my view of God's sovereignty and free will lines right down the middle of the two.

I feel so stuck in regards to denominations that I agree with, because it seems like I agree with so much Protestant theology that I can't seem to figure out which denomination I seem closest to, and yet I feel emotionally compelled to the Methodist and Anglican movements because of my grandparents and family ancestry.

Any thoughts on which church to look for?

In 2022, I was diagnosed as having persistent depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and other specified trauma disorder. I had depression beginning in 7th grade, and started experiencing psychotic symptoms and racing thoughts in 9th grade.

I was hospitalized three times in high school for depression with psychotic features, but nothing related to hypomania or mania.

However, I had experienced symptoms of hypomania and mania that were reported on a few occasions to my psychiatrist throughout the years, but were seen as likely impulse control disorder and irritability being more consistent with my type 1 level autism spectrum disorder that I was diagnosed with when I was 4 (it was initially called Asperger's Syndrome). Some kids in high school would complain at times that I was "wild" or "acted like I was drinking a lot of coffee" and "random and erratic". However, they did notice times of some symptoms of depression at times when I would talk about how I felt and would often cry in school bathrooms and lack energy a lot.

I had a manic episode last summer after missing a medication that was used to treat impulsive behavior and had a similar experience with forgetting to take the same medication and had manic symptoms in the Fall of 2021. I take guanfacine and after being back on the next evening the manic symptoms would die down but it would fully take a week to dissipate the after the second occurrence of missing a dose, while the first occurrence back in 2021 only took until the next day to get rid of.

In 2022, I told one of my therapists I had a lot of trouble sleeping, a lot of energy, and tried to have sex with three different people, she asked me if she thought I was bipolar. My psychiatrist asked my parents to assess a list symptoms of bipolar disorder and if I matched anything resembling hypomania and mania during certain periods of time, to which my parents were largely unaware of my symptoms and I usually didn't complain about my symptoms, as I assumed hypomanic and manic symptoms were just normal in contrast to depression and "felt good".

During this second occurrence I woke up at 4:30, was reckless driving with thoughts racing, and went to a park and would randomly try and see how long I could hold my breath. I power walked for two hours and wanted to go to the side of a bridge in the park to yell randomly but I decided against it because people were there. I went to my therapist appointment and halfway through the session after describing my morning and still having flight of ideas and some irritability in which I told her I wanted to destroy her bookshelf, and telling her I wanted to stick a fork in the electrical socket behind her, she recommended I leave early to take my meds, and I did so. She told my EMDR therapist that I was manic, and when I met him the next week he said if I miss a dose and that happens again he would have me sent to the hospital for mine and others safety.

I had occasionally reported racing thoughts, but they were chalked up as anxiety and I could not properly express the nature of the racing thoughts, they were nonsensical and more like flight of ideas rather than worry or unease. I also had periods of hypersexuality and when depressed would occasionally drink.

I had depressive episodes with mixed features like irritability and racing thoughts, however these were not enough to notice in a pattern where hypomania or mania were it's own episode without depressive symptoms. Some mood episodes I would have delusions.

My psychiatrist had enough pieces to the puzzle last year and thinks I either have bipolar 1 with psychotic features or schizoaffective disorder. She thinks it might be schizoaffective since I said a few summers ago I was paranoid without without mood symptoms - but looking back I remembered higher energy than normal and racing thoughts, meaning I was manic and psychosis was included.

Why is bipolar disorder so hard to catch, why did it take half my life for me to get diagnosed when I started having symptoms at 14/15?

In 2022, I was diagnosed as having persistent depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and other specified trauma disorder. I had depression beginning in 7th grade, and started experiencing psychotic symptoms and racing thoughts in 9th grade.

I was hospitalized three times in high school for depression with psychotic features, but nothing related to hypomania or mania.

However, I had experienced symptoms of hypomania and mania that were reported on a few occasions to my psychiatrist throughout the years, but were seen as likely impulse control disorder and irritability being more consistent with my type 1 level autism spectrum disorder that I was diagnosed with when I was 4 (it was initially called Asperger's Syndrome). Some kids in high school would complain at times that I was "wild" or "acted like I was drinking a lot of coffee" and "random and erratic". However, they did notice times of some symptoms of depression at times when I would talk about how I felt and would often cry in school bathrooms and lack energy a lot.

I had a manic episode last summer after missing a medication that was used to treat impulsive behavior and had a similar experience with forgetting to take the same medication and had manic symptoms in the Fall of 2021. I take guanfacine and after being back on the next evening the manic symptoms would die down but it would fully take a week to dissipate the after the second occurrence of missing a dose, while the first occurrence back in 2021 only took until the next day to get rid of.

In 2022, I told one of my therapists I had a lot of trouble sleeping, a lot of energy, and tried to have sex with three different people, she asked me if she thought I was bipolar. My psychiatrist asked my parents to assess a list symptoms of bipolar disorder and if I matched anything resembling hypomania and mania during certain periods of time, to which my parents were largely unaware of my symptoms and I usually didn't complain about my symptoms, as I assumed hypomanic and manic symptoms were just normal in contrast to depression and "felt good".

During this second occurrence I woke up at 4:30, was reckless driving with thoughts racing, and went to a park and would randomly try and see how long I could hold my breath. I power walked for two hours and wanted to go to the side of a bridge in the park to yell randomly but I decided against it because people were there. I went to my therapist appointment and halfway through the session after describing my morning and still having flight of ideas and some irritability in which I told her I wanted to destroy her bookshelf, and telling her I wanted to stick a fork in the electrical socket behind her, she recommended I leave early to take my meds, and I did so. She told my EMDR therapist that I was manic, and when I met him the next week he said if I miss a dose and that happens again he would have me sent to the hospital for mine and others safety.

I had occasionally reported racing thoughts, but they were chalked up as anxiety and I could not properly express the nature of the racing thoughts, they were nonsensical and more like flight of ideas rather than worry or unease. I also had periods of hypersexuality and when depressed would occasionally drink.

I had depressive episodes with mixed features like irritability and racing thoughts, however these were not enough to notice in a pattern where hypomania or mania were it's own episode without depressive symptoms. Some mood episodes I would have delusions.

My psychiatrist had enough pieces to the puzzle last year and thinks I either have bipolar 1 with psychotic features or schizoaffective disorder. She thinks it might be schizoaffective since I said a few summers ago I was paranoid without without mood symptoms - but looking back I remembered higher energy than normal and racing thoughts, meaning I was manic and psychosis was included.

Why is bipolar disorder so hard to catch, why did it take half my life for me to get diagnosed when I started having symptoms at 14/15?

I think the Bible affirms the bodily resurrection of the animal kingdom, including pets (Romans 8:18, Isaiah 11:6, Isaiah 65:25), but not that they experience a life separated from their bodies in a place where a human soul awaits resurrection like in Luke 16.

Some point to Ecclesiastes 3:21 to argue that animals are not in Heaven after death, but the context to the verse is the questioning of determining the existence of a life absent of a worldly perspective, not who or who isn’t in some temporary afterlife.

My belief is that because the Bible expresses human souls and animals in differing light, the evidence of an animal experiencing life absent its body in a spiritual realm is unlikely, but that they will be resurrected and live on the New Earth.

I normally read the NASB, NET, NKJV, NIV and the NLT. The KJV BIble I had last year I sold because I realized the font looked weird but I found a decent size print KJV Bible with a nice looking font and I'm slowly getting attached to it. I get emotionally attached to all my Bibles, and I keep a bin with four Bibles on the floor of my passenger side window and have Bibles in my bedroom.

I remember last year I had some of my Bibles, including my late grandfather's Bible, on a table in a living room. And I was over by the refrigerator and I just felt this mysterious presence and a sense of awe over in the room with the Bibles, like God was just standing close to them. Is this the calling of the Holy Spirit in this experience to draw me closer to Him?

I’m Baptist, although I don’t think baptizing infants is out of the picture, I think it is best reserved after a verbal confession of faith.

I went to an Anglican Church for a few months, and my grandparents were Methodist. My parents are non-denominational. I prefer a Baptist church because of the attention to scripture.

I’m not Reformed, although I agree with most of their beliefs outside of salvation like Covenant Theology, Substitutionary Atonement, Cessationism, the Spiritual Presence of Christ during the Eucharist, and Amillenialism (with the doctrine of salvation I’m conflicted between the range of Arminianism and 4 point Calvinism).

How have you been navigating through researching other denominations? Lutheranism fits some of the spectrum of range regarding my beliefs about salvation, but I disagree with infant baptism and the physical presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

I got to Tokyo tomorrow and we will be landing Friday 2:30 pm Tokyo time but it will be 2:30 am Dallas time. We will fly to Seoul in South Korea a few days later which be another two hours time difference. I fly back from Seoul to Dallas next Friday.

I'll probably pop a Benadryl about 6 hours into the flight in order to nap and the flight is about 13.5 hours in total.

Any advice?