u/Missingandmanic

Hey, so I am an afab 19 yo. I think the first time I tried to come out, I was 16, then a couple times at 18, and now at 19 I have returned to these thoughts. I try to block them, and sometimes I feel like I want to be feminine. But it’s so hard for me to tell because I have a lot of s*xual trauma and I used to oversexualize myself in a hyperfeminine way, and then I shoot back to masculine or feminine but as a man styles. So yeah, I am feminine, but it eats at me that I don’t know who I am. I feel dysphoric sometimes, like actual dysphoria, but other times not. I have BPD and most of my life feels like acting/playing a part. Does anyone have any advice or things that helped them?