Worst mistake of my life
Did anyone else feel like they didn’t really have a choice?
I’m struggling with a lot of anger, grief, and regret, and I honestly don’t know how to process it anymore.
When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to keep my baby. At the same time, I knew my situation wasn’t ideal. I live with my parents, I was struggling financially, and the father of my baby believed abortion was the only logical option. He talked about finances, timing, and not being ready to become parents. He also told me he didn’t want a mother who “didn’t know herself” raising his child.
I loved him, and I wanted our relationship to work. I felt like if I chose to keep the baby, I would lose him. Looking back, I don’t feel like I made the decision I truly wanted—I feel like I made the decision I believed I had to make.
I ended up having the abortion.
Ever since then, I’ve been grieving every single day. I miss my baby constantly, and I can’t stop wondering what life would have been like if I had chosen differently. The guilt and regret are overwhelming.
Something that has been replaying in my mind happened recently. I asked him if, if another woman were pregnant with his baby, he would let her keep it. He said it would depend on who the person was and their life circumstances.
Hearing that crushed me. I know he didn’t literally say I didn’t deserve my baby, but that’s how it felt. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be my baby’s mother because of my circumstances.
Now I’m angry at him because I feel like I lost the choice that my heart wanted to make. I’m also angry at myself because I keep thinking I should have fought harder for my baby.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did you feel pressured by your circumstances, your relationship, or your partner? How did you cope with the grief and regret afterward?
Please be kind. I’m already carrying more guilt than I know what to do with. The father of the baby keeps telling me I need to get over it