I think I'm developing feelings for my best friend
As I type this we are laying in bed watching glee her head is in my lap and I am playing with her hair.
My bff and I began really connecting on a deeper level about two years ago. We see each other almost daily and have sleepovers often as we live so close but we don't get sick of each other. We communicate clearly and effectively when issues arise and it is genuinely one of the healthiest relationships I have had with another person. My love language is physical touch and we are very affectionate with one another and often cuddle in bed.
She is bisexual and I am queer as well with a larger preference for women than her. She is a a casual hookup type of person and is often in some sort of situation with a man. She has no experience with women and my only experience is with my ex best friend of 6 years which ended terribly and really messed with my head.
We get the classic "never beating the allegations" jokes but we each have been asked if we are genuinely dating. It's a joke between us especially since about two months ago she told me she had a sex dream where I was performing on her which invoked one for myself. It's a funny thing between us but I feel like there have been moments where we are not entirely joking. We were speaking the other day about how we've kissed friends in the past and realised we hadn't and since realising it's come up quite a few times in conversation. We are very often in compromising positions with one another especially in the mornings while half asleep. We've even gone to a sex shop together to get vibrators and looked at the straps while we were there.
Yesterday I met up with her after she had a sleepover with a mutual friend we haven't seen in a while. While she was in the bathroom our mutual and I were talking and she let slip that by bff mentioned there was a moment in time where she was mulling over whether she had feelings for me. I'm now so conflicted because I've been thinking about it for a while, and she hasn't really been not seeing anyone for longer than a week or two so I'm not sure when it could have been.
Due to poor mental health I have become isolated from most people but her so I'm worried about losing her presence and support in my life. My main concern is keeping her in my life but I am struggling to suppress how I'm beginning to feel about her.
Any and all advice welcome 🙏