Trying to get better
living with limerence/love addiction + hypersexuality is some of the most stressful shit ever. and it's incredibly difficult to fight because it's not like substance abuse; i cant just take away the dopamine my brain makes. im on zoloft but i feel like it's not helping enough.
every time i meet someone new, the first thing i consider is how attractive they are. and when i become fixated, i literally cannot focus on anything else. i have lost entire days of productivity at work to these thoughts. i'm plagued by the slim possibility of someone sweeping me off my feet in the new city i'll be working in soon. i can't focus like this. so i'm trying to find workarounds.
i have a fake barbed wire bracelet that is still a little pokey, so i'm going to try to wear that and tug on it to ground myself if those thoughts come up. Also trying to induce some sort of weird object impermanence where i conceptualize everyone outside of my vicinity as faceless cubes. Can't daydream or fantasize if they're inanimate. and it's like that world is on pause when i leave it. it seems to help so far. It's all about grounding myself in reality. i also want to meditate more but i dont like doing it in my house right now :/