I have 3 kids. They are in grades 8, 6, and 4. So my 4th grader is about to graduate elementary school. Every graduation the principal plays this song with a slide show of the kids. Each kid has a slide with baby pics, a random pic, and a current pic. And I just know I’m gonna bawl again.
It was Wednesday May 8th 2024. I was at work, at a local elementary school. I work 1:1 with autistic kids. So I was with the little boy I worked with in his kindergarten gen ed room. My lower back was bothering me and my upper leg area near the groin. So I figured it was sciatic pain. I asked the classroom teacher if she could sit with him for a minute while I grabbed some Tylenol, got some and went on with my day.
That night was my nieces 5th birthday. So I went over to her party. I was still in a lot of pain and not feeling good so I didn’t stay long. When I got home I started throwing up. I figured I was getting a flu bug from the kids at school so I texted my principal and the classroom teacher and let them know I’d be out the next day, hoping it was a 24 hour flu kinda thing. I spent all day Thursday sick and in pain so I let them know I’d be out on Friday too. Friday I went to walk in care. They tested me for flu A&B, and Covid. All negative. They gave me something for the nausea and said if I was still sick on Sunday to go to the ER.
Saturday morning, May 11th, I woke up and I was still in a lot of pain, but the vomiting stopped. My boys had back to back baseball games so I got up and got everything ready. Uniforms laid out, cooler packed, I woke my husband who was the assistant coach and told him I was still in a lot of pain and it was hard to walk but I’d go to the ER after the games, I probably pulled a muscle or something. But he said no. There’d be no baseball. He was taking me to the ER NOW. So he texted the coach and woke our daughter to watch the boys and we headed to the ER 30 mins away.
When we got there I couldn’t get out of the car. I couldn’t stand and I couldn’t walk and the pain was unbearable. He literally had to lift me into a wheelchair. I felt like I could feel something moving in my upper leg. I panicked thinking it was a tumor because I have a neurological condition that can cause cancer. So when we got inside I told them what was going on and that I needed a CT scan.
My BP was scary deathly low. My kidneys and liver were shutting down. They could see an infection in my leg but they didn’t know what it was. I was in septic shock. They gave me morphine but I was still in pain. They gave me fentanyl but I was still in pain. They gave me ketamine. They worked. I kept passing out. I woke up and my husband was bawling over me. I passed out again and woke up, my mom and sister were there and they were crying too. I woke up and I was being loaded into an ambulance.
I woke up the next day, on Mother’s Day, in a hospital another 30mins away. Hooked up to a lot of IVs. The antibiotics weren’t working and I kept smoking a fever of 104/105f so they decided to remove the infection surgically. It turns out I had strep in my bloodstream. They got it out but I needed a wound vac. I stayed at the hospital until May 24th. I went home on my son’s 10th birthday. I still had the wound vac so I had home health nurses coming 3 times a week until I finally got it out on June 19th.
Pretty much the scariest time in my life. Until fast forward until December of 2025. Long story short I was diagnosed with adrenal cancer and had a 35cm tumor removed from my abdomen along with my spleen, kidney, part of my bowel, and part of my pancreas.
My (38f) and my husband (40m) have been married almost 15 years. Together almost 18.
He’s always struggled with anxiety and depression. He’s been okay for a long time.
But he’s in a low right now. He picked me up from work today and when I asked how his day went he said it was bad. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said he felt stupid talking about it. I assured him that I don’t think he’s stupid and I’m here for him if he wants to talk about it.
So he started to tell me about the stress he is having at work. And that stress is making him feel like a failure as a husband and a father because basically it boils down to his income is inconsistent. He works in mental health and if a client cancels he doesn’t get paid. This happens a lot. He hates his job right now. But he went to school for it and he’s currently working on furthering that degree.
He was crying and apologizing and felt pathetic for getting upset. I assured him that I don’t think he’s pathetic and I love him and the kids love him and I know he’s doing his best. And the problems he’s having are out of his control. I offered to help him look for a new job, in any field, if that’s what he wants.
What worries me is that he gets so embarrassed about getting upset and I just want to reassure him again, now that he’s calm, that I’m here for him.
Should I do that? Or should I not bring it up? I don’t want to upset him again but I don’t want him to feel that low and feel it alone. I’d rather he come to me and let me be there for him.