I am conflicted, should I divorce?
Names are changed.
My wife, Ava (42F) and I (45M) have been together for 8 years, married for 5 years.
My daughter, Freya, is 17 years old from my previous marriage. Freya is high functioning autistic. Her behavior is erratic.
I believe I made choices in the past to give Freya's life more stability, such as getting married again. My daughter is no longer going to affect my feelings.
Mind you, I did love my wife. We get along well and, for the first 6 years, our sex life was good, and fun!
Over the last two years, our sex-life has declined to the point of none in the last 4 months.
I reached out to an attorney, paid a retainer fee to sue for divorce. He recommended that I speak with my wife about this and find out what she would like out of the divorce.
He recommends that I divorce now for several reasons. She would probably recieve a good chunk of my 401k, it wasn't very large when we got married but it's grown quite a bit since then.
The major reason he recommends now is because A) I have full custody of my daughter and B) The house is in my name, I purchased it before we got married. Between those two things, I would most likely keep the property.
The property is now valued north of 7 figures. It's on 10 acres and has an ADU and a barn.
I'm not the most handsome man in the world, but I also don't believe I'm ugly. I'm overweight though, and I know it. I've been working out and watching what I eat in the last two months and have lost 15 pounds. I've stalled out for the last couple weeks.
We had sex finally and the next day I said we need to have a conversation. I asked if she had realized it had been 4 months. She hadn't and I don't see how she could possibly not know.
I was getting frustrated, angry and resentful. The worst thing she had said to me was in the last four months. She said, "I don't have time for this," referring to me trying to initiate sex. So, after this, I quit. I quit trying.
Ava apologized and said she didn't realize that it had been 4 months. I asked what would divorce look like.
Since that conversation, we've had more sex than we had in the last year.
She also wants to have a child. We have to go through IVF. I am just so unsure because of the last two years and especially the last 4 months. I want to have children but I also don't want to be trapped in a sexless marriage.
Will she revert back to no sex? If I wait to divorce her, I get screwed even harder financially and she could end up with the house. If I divorce now, I will most likely keep the house. I make 6 figures, my wife makes a low 5 figures. She has places that she could stay and I don't have any place I could stay, especially with Freya.
I don't have anyone to talk to. She's friends with everyone and my family loves her.
TL;DR
Wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 and we haven't had sex in 4 months, minimal sex for 2 years. If I divorce now, I save myself a lot of money. Complicated by the fact that we both want children more children. I have a 17 yr old daughter from previous marriage. As soon as I brought up the issue, we have had a lot of sex. Will she revert back to no sex? I know children don't solve our relationship problems. Sex has been our only issue.
What should I do?