I need to vent
(Posting again as i forgot girl dinner last time)
I needed a place to air this out where no one will know me so here i am. First time posting. Please give me all of your thoughts.
A couple years ago I was invited over for a girls night. Everyone knew the host (Jess) but no one really knew anyone else. The 6 of us got really close and continued to hang out. I was kind of a loner in highschool so i was so incredibly excited to have “my girls”.
Within a year the group chat went from 6 to 13 girls. Obviously, not everyone will be everyone’s best friend. Half of the “originals” i was really close with, the other half and a few new ones i enjoyed their company at the get togethers but never hung out ourselves, then there were a couple that i honestly did not like at all but i would be nice to them when we were together. Things were great.
But then… it wasn’t.
I would try to invite them over to my place for game nights, bonfires, or dinners and they never came. Most of the time they didn’t even decline the invitation, they just ignored my texts. Then just days later one of the others would invite everyone for a bonfire and EVERYONE was so eager to go. I assumed it was because they had a bigger house than mine or something like that. Eventually i gave up inviting people and just tried to be happy going to theirs.
After a while i noticed when we would have girls night i would get side eyed when i was trying to act like them (they are pretty loud group and definitely the “yass girl” type), but also i would get fully ignored if i tried to keep to myself. And honestly i don’t know what hurt more.
I feel childish about it but this was my breaking point:
My birthday has always been a rough time for me and it holds a big part in my heart. I invited a few of the girls over for my birthday. I got a “i’ll let you know” response. A few days later (2 weeks before my bday and 1 week before Jess’s bday) i got added into a new group chat because they wanted to do a surprise party for Jess. I was all for it. Then another girl mentioned that they had already had one planned for Jess, which happened to be the same day I wanted to do mine. Fast forward the couple weeks. Jess invited everyone over for her bday so they went. Then had the surprise party a couple days later, then the 2nd surprise party for Jess on my birthday date. No one showed up to mine because they were celebrating with Jess on her 3rd party. I feel childish for it but i cried. As the months went on I kept seeing them post about surprising all of the other girls on their birthdays. No one got skipped. I never got an invite but i thought it was just because i wasn’t super close with the others. Until it started happening even with the few girls i loved. Once again, no invite.
After that i took a major step back hoping someone would notice. But just last week i was kicked out of the group chat. I want to be ok with it because of everything listed above. I knew they weren’t who i wanted them to be. But it hurts more that not one of them reached out to ask why i got kicked.
Now for opinions, i want to reach out so bad and ask what happened. I want to play nice just to have my girls back but i also know it will lower my self worth. I will never be their first pick but it feels better than being alone again. Idk what to do.
Sorry fir the long post but there’s so much on my mind