r/GirlCourt

Just nuggets and fries. TW P*DOPHILIA/VIOLENCE MENTIONED. Sorry i wasnt expecting this to be so long 😭

I'm 19f and my dad is 63. He used to be my hero, but gradually became some sort of whiny toddler who loves to pick fights and then play the victim. Lately, his behavior around my boundaries with physical touch has really gotten out of hand, even though I always stand up for myself because I know he's in the wrong - gray rocking isn't effective on people like him :/

​I am extremely ticklish and always pull away when i'm touched a certain way. Knowing this, he still shows "physical affection" by touching my shoulder, knee, wrist or back.. so when I instinctively pull away, he takes it personally and plays the victim:

His favorite phrase is "can't a father touch his daughter without being labeled a creep??". Then, he will give me "sarcastic lectures" by asking me how I will ever handle a romantic (and sexual) relationship, because "when there's a spark between men and women, physical touch is necessary". So... imagine a father casually guilt-tripping his daughter by using her future sex life against her 🤨 a non-existent one, too, bc im the biggest virgin on the planet. Never in my life have I gotten emotionally close with a boy, or a girl either.

That being said... I speak out about my safety concerns quite often, but my complaints are "gendered" most of the time. I mention creepy MEN as a reason why I dont like clubbing. And an irrational thing of mine is that (at home) I express my discomfort with the concept of male gynecologists, but I wouldn't walk up to one and call him a creep. Clearly though, my dad uses that against me, and that's where he tells me that I "hate men".

The other day, he annoyed me again and then told me that i "definitely think that men are perverts". He explicitly says that I think all men are p*dophiles, and that I'm projecting that mindset onto him. I'm just speechless, because there's so much behind this. I don't hate men - I hate the patriarchy like ALL women do. But maybe, just maybe, I hate men like HIM because he was never a good role model.

Maybe the worst part of this whole topic is that.. well, for example, my therapist of 7 months is a man. My dad has been romanticizing our therapeutic relationship since the beginning, and then began to subtly AND explicitly sexualize it (mind you, they've only seen each other twice). He refers to my therapist as my husband/bofriend or crush, and he and my mom joke that I want to hit on him or that he's flirting with me. But... my dad recently "joked" saying that he thinks we had sex in his studio.

I never associated him to a potential father or brother figure, let alone a goddamn crush. But my dad would FREAK OUT if he knew that I discussed the topic of sex and intimacy with that guy.. and he didn't bat an eye, and I didn't give a shit. Because my therapist is a MAN, not a fucking MANCHILD.

It still made me think really hard about the "you hate males" bs, though. Because honestly? I dont think badly of my male peers, but my dad influenced the way I view some men. In the back of my mind, I think that some fathers don't have good intent when they go out with their families. I assume they're secretly neglecting their kids and mistreating their wives. I have this unsettling belief that men are biologically incapable of feeling genuine affection and love towards their family, as if my brain thinks that fatherly love isn't real, because no male is capable of it.

I can't believe my father turned out this way. Despite my own irrational fears and beliefs, he still wasn't fit to have a family, and especially not a daughter. I don't "hate males," but why do they have to be like this?

I just need to vent somewhere about this.

My (20F) boyfriend (21M) is the sweetest and most gentle soul I've ever met. I'm so damn lucky to have him and the past few days are proof of exactly why. He and I are each other's first everything and we have been dating for six months, best friends since a year ago.

For context, I am 99% sure I have OCD and autism. I've literally never understood how I'm perceived and have suffered with debilitating anxiety since I can recall. I wish I felt socially comfortable, genuinely, but I feel comfortable with him. I truly feel I can be myself. My entire family has spent my whole childhood telling me I'm too aggressive and direct, which has caused me to become socially withdrawn and afraid to speak up for myself against years of what I think was emotional abuse (name-calling, telling me that if I were less off-putting I would have more friends, comparison of me to estranged and narcissistic family members, trying to villainize me to my younger brother and believing his lies about me, etc etc...).

This past weekend, he and I made out twice, two days in a row, for about 3-5 hours at a time (with breaks ofc, it wasn't like a marathon 💀). The whole time he told me how beautiful I was, to not worry and that he'd take care of me (and boy did he...), to relax and enjoy myself, and that he was so happy to experience these new feelings with me. In an effort to not reveal *too* much about what we did, because I would rather keep it between us, some clothes were removed (mine mostly) and we did more than just kiss (nothing crazy, and our clothes below the waist stayed on, but we both ended up feeling really good throughout). I was ovulating and very much in the mood, but still sheepishly suggested that we do more than just french kissing (which we did for the first time on Saturday) after asking him what he would be open to doing with me (he said that he's comfortable and down to do anything with me because he trusts and loves me, and I am the right person for him, which was very sweet). I asked him over and over many times during the course of the sessions we made out if he was okay and if I could do something, or if it was too much and he wanted me to stop. Almost every time he said no and that he loved it and wanted me to continue. I always backed off and respected his wishes if he asked me to stop, obviously.

I know he meant his words. I know that he wanted to do this with me. He quite literally confessed to having a dream of me topless and has told me that he has high libido before, but that he never expects sex from me and would never put pressure on me to have it because he loves me for so much more than my body (and that he fell hard for me because of my intelligence and kindness rather than my appearance even though he always thought I was beautiful, even when we were friends). He thinks my body is beautiful despite the fact that I struggle with my body image issues (my family also never properly sexually educated me and has made me feel ashamed for masturbating in the past, which I think has contributed to my naturally low libido that has since gone up since meeting my boyfriend).

During making out (both times) he also groaned and moaned a lot, especially things like "so beautiful" and "I love you so much my love". He was CLEARLY into it, but he also told me it was a lot all at once and was overwhelmed in a good way/a little nervous (which I think is natural). Tell me why I immediately started blaming myself and thought I forced him to do something he did not want to do or pressured him. I broke down crying on the phone to him yesterday because I was super stressed about this and so many other things I have piled up, and he just looked so sad and said "please don't cry my love, you have nothing to worry about, I loved spending time with you this weekend, I felt really good and I'm super happy I was able to pleasure you and help you relax". I started crying harder because I am in genuine disbelief that I somehow deserve my loving, kind, gentle, sweet, and handsome boyfriend who clearly adores me. I genuinely worry I was somehow aggressive towards him despite me being very shy and even embarrassed by the noises I made while we made out and felt SUPER SHY when he LITERALLY OFFERED to pleasure me and asked if it would be okay if he did, and I obliged. Why can't I just enjoy the feeling of being even more loved, closer to, and comfortable with the man that I love? I am just so sad that I feel this way and am wondering why I even do in the first place. Any advice would be appreciated.

My bf (21M) and I (20F) are each other's first partners and have been dating for the past 6 months. Yesterday and on Saturday, we made out in a locked classroom at school (I know your first worry will be about cameras, but we searched the whole room and drew the blinds closed, we found no cameras at all and even checked for hidden ones). He and I are both living at home, so we can't really figure out where to do sexual or more intimate things that is in a semi-private place that isn't home. I'm not sure what is and is not risky to do in a car with tinted windows, but if anyone has alternative suggestions, I'll gladly hear them.

It went surprisingly super well. I expected to be very nervous and in my head and not really enjoy it (I have horrible body image issues that my boyfriend is very aware of, and he always makes sure to make me feel beautiful and loved every day). We had never previously french kissed and that started off sloppily, but eventually we got a lot better. He is a great kisser and it felt REALLY good (my senses were heightened because I was ovulating haha, but even if I hadn't been I'd have thought the same ;) ). He constantly told me how beautiful I was/body worship, how he loves hearing me moan/giving me pleasure to make me happy, how he loves being with me and how much happier he is with me, how he's never felt so good in his entire life, and other very sweet things. We did other things too, and I got there many times, but failed to do the same for him because of how overwhelming the entire thing was (I was feral and wanting to do more than I normally would have suggested had I not been ovulating, but he happily obliged because when I asked him how far he'd want to go, he told me he was comfortable with anything and I responded by telling him to tell me when it was too much, and ofc I respected that).

I'm pretty sure I'm uncomfortable taking off my clothes below the waist (he's already seen me topless and I've seen him without a shirt too) especially in the classroom, as is he. Is there any way I can help him out without either of us getting completely naked? Also, if you guys have tips for how to French kiss better (with a little less teeth if you are kissing roughly) that would be very helpful.

ETA: how risky is dry humping in terms of pregnancy?