Dad disrespects boundaries, then accuses me of hating men

Dad disrespects boundaries, then accuses me of hating men

Just nuggets and fries. TW P*DOPHILIA/VIOLENCE MENTIONED. Sorry i wasnt expecting this to be so long 😭

I'm 19f and my dad is 63. He used to be my hero, but gradually became some sort of whiny toddler who loves to pick fights and then play the victim. Lately, his behavior around my boundaries with physical touch has really gotten out of hand, even though I always stand up for myself because I know he's in the wrong - gray rocking isn't effective on people like him :/

​I am extremely ticklish and always pull away when i'm touched a certain way. Knowing this, he still shows "physical affection" by touching my shoulder, knee, wrist or back.. so when I instinctively pull away, he takes it personally and plays the victim:

His favorite phrase is "can't a father touch his daughter without being labeled a creep??". Then, he will give me "sarcastic lectures" by asking me how I will ever handle a romantic (and sexual) relationship, because "when there's a spark between men and women, physical touch is necessary". So... imagine a father casually guilt-tripping his daughter by using her future sex life against her 🤨 a non-existent one, too, bc im the biggest virgin on the planet. Never in my life have I gotten emotionally close with a boy, or a girl either.

That being said... I speak out about my safety concerns quite often, but my complaints are "gendered" most of the time. I mention creepy MEN as a reason why I dont like clubbing. And an irrational thing of mine is that (at home) I express my discomfort with the concept of male gynecologists, but I wouldn't walk up to one and call him a creep. Clearly though, my dad uses that against me, and that's where he tells me that I "hate men".

The other day, he annoyed me again and then told me that i "definitely think that men are perverts". He explicitly says that I think all men are p*dophiles, and that I'm projecting that mindset onto him. I'm just speechless, because there's so much behind this. I don't hate men - I hate the patriarchy like ALL women do. But maybe, just maybe, I hate men like HIM because he was never a good role model.

Maybe the worst part of this whole topic is that.. well, for example, my therapist of 7 months is a man. My dad has been romanticizing our therapeutic relationship since the beginning, and then began to subtly AND explicitly sexualize it (mind you, they've only seen each other twice). He refers to my therapist as my husband/bofriend or crush, and he and my mom joke that I want to hit on him or that he's flirting with me. But... my dad recently "joked" saying that he thinks we had sex in his studio.

I never associated him to a potential father or brother figure, let alone a goddamn crush. But my dad would FREAK OUT if he knew that I discussed the topic of sex and intimacy with that guy.. and he didn't bat an eye, and I didn't give a shit. Because my therapist is a MAN, not a fucking MANCHILD.

It still made me think really hard about the "you hate males" bs, though. Because honestly? I dont think badly of my male peers, but my dad influenced the way I view some men. In the back of my mind, I think that some fathers don't have good intent when they go out with their families. I assume they're secretly neglecting their kids and mistreating their wives. I have this unsettling belief that men are biologically incapable of feeling genuine affection and love towards their family, as if my brain thinks that fatherly love isn't real, because no male is capable of it.

I can't believe my father turned out this way. Despite my own irrational fears and beliefs, he still wasn't fit to have a family, and especially not a daughter. I don't "hate males," but why do they have to be like this?

u/Sea_Option330 — 7 days ago

The local specialty..

The fcking local specialties is missing.. it's from the new map.. it's Columbina and Odette all over again

WHY

Also the boss being a new one is annoying like bro at least Valeriy uses an old one lmao

u/Sea_Option330 — 23 days ago

"Just breathe through it as much as you can"

Breathe through WHAT

I experience the air hunger thing occasionally, not always, but it's not like breathing does anything. And I've tried multiple techniques. It's not debilitating it's just uncomfortable, but whenever i breathe, I just get more air stuck in my chest. Thankfully it's not a constant feeling.

I don't understand it when people tell me to breathe through it when I tell them I've been overthinking or having compulsive obsessive loops. How can breathing solve an obsession that leaves me feeling like I NEED to keep worrying bc my life will fall apart otherwise?

Not to mention meditation and breathwork feel.. quite silly and corny when I try them out. Which is probably not ideal lmao.

Also "don't engage with all your thoughts" THANK YOU BUT THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE BRO like im not even complaining I'm just saying things the way they are 💀 I've been crying everyday over smth I can't control or change. Therapist gave me advice but goodness, my brain is too stubborn for that

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u/Sea_Option330 — 26 days ago

Which build? + rotation tips?

First one has less CR, less EM but more CD and more atk. What concerns me is the potential difference between an ATK and a Pyro goblet

I've always struggled to balance all her stats without a crit weapon, but idk if the Blackcliff claymore is better (I assume it's not)... I'd also love some tips on my rotation with her Citlali/Xilo/Benny team

If you give me a rotation I'd appreciate if you translated the abbreviations btw. I only know the basics like Q/E/NA 🥲

u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Am I unstable? Do I need meds?? I feel terrible

Sorry im just spiraling and i need help, please do read this

I'm 19f. I started therapy around February after a depression, anxiety and social anxiety diagnosis. Honestly every detail of that is quite irrelevant other than the fact that I like my therapist and I thought I was doing better.

The thing is that in mid-august, a wave of absolute hatred towards myself hit me like a truck. I hate my face so much it's unreal. Since then, I've been crying EVERY day at the thought of dying alone because no one has ever liked me and no one ever will. This alone says a lot; the situation hasn't gotten better.

Then.. 2 days ago I was unable to show up to my therapy session cuz I got sick, and I absolutely lose my mind when I skip sessions. I cried and wailed like a desperate toddler (it's not the first time) bc my brain can't accept and tolerate it when my therapy schedule goes wrong, even when I think I'm doing a good job at coping on my own; it's weird because during August, when my therapist was on vacation, I did not think about therapy AT ALL.

So basically the canceled session absolutely broke me, and I dont feel like I can wait until Friday to see him. My very last year of high school is starting tomorrow and I can't handle it; I'm thinking about the fact that I have no friends at school bc my friends have graduated and my classmates are such evil people. I see no light at the end of whatever tunnel I'm in.. combined with the loneliness it's just awful, and my brain will not let me stop thinking of it, as if my situation will get worse if I get over it.

I only saw a psychiatrist twice, which is when he sent me to my current therapist after diagnosing me with some stuff. But I'm not financially independent and my parents aren't very supportive, so asking them to help me with a psychiatric visit will be horrible. Plus what would the psychiatrist even do? Tell me it's all in my head, or give me meds that will make me gain weight until I hate my body and kill myself?

I wonder what's going on with me, I don't think this is normal. I will repeat, I've been crying EVERY single day because a gigantic wave of self-hatred and loneliness hit me out of nowhere and I'm unable to just let it go.

Everything makes me feel so helpless

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Vorrei tanto cambiare la mia situazione

Non so se è un post positivo, speranzoso, o uno sfogo. In pratica ho zero esperienze, mai avuto un partner, mai baciato nessuno, e sono F19.. tutto ciò che sento dire dagli altri è che non esistono donne che non hanno "la fila" di gente interessata a loro, che sono giovane e che devo pensare ad altro. Comunque è terrificante l'idea che non sono mai piaciuta a nessuno, inoltre sono bisessuale e mi vergogno tantissimo quando mi dicono che per me "avrebbe dovuto essere ancora più facile".

Vorrei cambiare ma non so come. Non è affatto una passeggiata, sapendo che nessuno è mai stato interessato a me.. e ho avuto solo esperienze stranissime:

a 13 anni una mia amica (che ne aveva 16🤢) mi ha chiesto di metterci insieme e io cretina ho accettato, ma dopo 4 ore mi ha lasciata dicendo di non essere pronta per una relazione. L'anno dopo, una ragazza che ho conosciuto su insta mi ha detto che le piacevo ma poi ha ammesso che era uno scherzo. Invece quest'anno, un ragazzo mi ha chiesto il numero e si è mostrato SUBITO insistente - una persona veramente assurda che ho visto per caso due volte, e che entrambe le volte NON voleva lasciarmi andare via e diceva di amarmi e che aveva raccontato a tutti che eravamo fidanzati.

In poche parole, non so come muovermi, perché non mi sono mai sentita amata davvero. Quando mi sono praticamente innamorata di una mia amica 3 anni fa, ho dovuto lasciar perdere perché era etero e sempre fidanzata.

Mi devasta l'idea che forse sarò sempre io a dover fare il primo passo, anche perché non l'ho mai fatto, lol. Più che altro, ho le mie amicizie ma non ho tante occasioni di conoscere gente; le app di dating mi fanno paura, non ho tanto tempo di frequentare corsi perché quest'anno mi diplomerò e non riuscirei a concentrarmi sullo studio allo stesso tempo. Inoltre ho l'ansia sociale quindi non prendiamoci in giro.

Anche se il dolore che ho provato fin'ora è più che reale, io non voglio più fare la ragazza disperata... semplicemente non so proprio che fare; ad esempio, a scuola non vado molto d'accordo con i miei compagni. Quello delle altre classi hanno i loro guppi. Fare amicizia con "gente a caso" non è facile come dicono alcuni. Poi una delle cose che più mi blocca è che, nei corsi tipo teatro e roba così, chi ha 18-20 anni viene letteralmente inserito nella fascia d'età "18-99".. risultato? Tutti in quella stanza avranno 30-60 anni. È terribile

Forse sono io il problema, non lo so.. vorrei solo migliorare ma mi sento bloccata perché non capisco come farlo :( non so neanche come fanno le persone a chiedere il numero agli sconosciuti per strada. Se chiedessi il numero a una ragazza non saprei se è etero o meno. Se lo chiedessi a un ragazzo.. boh, potrei anche provarci ma mi fa proprio paura l'idea

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Audio issue. Is this not as bad as I thought?

Heyy so my phone was bought as a gift for me in 2023, and it is a Samsung Galaxy A14. It's getting slower and, other than the audio issue that I'll talk about in a second, it mainly gives me problems when I turn it on (or restart it) because it will give me the "user's settings app not responding" error. So it takes like ~7 whole minutes just to work after I've turned it back on.

But the main problem is that multiple times a day, the audio stops working. I can make it work by pressing lightly against some spots of the device, but I can't figure out which area, because it seems to shift. Sometimes it stops working while I'm not pressing, but other times I HAVE to stop touching it for it to function.

I've asked both Gemini (sorry lol) and lots of reddit subs, and I've been told on multiple occasions that it might be a motherboard issue. But then someone else said that I just have to take it to a repair shop, and they'll charge me with an hour of work and about 50 bucks to fix it. Honestly I'd just like to know how much work it will take and how expensive or cheap it will be

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Afraid other people will judge me like my parents do

I'm 19f, my dad has become a really terrible manchild a few years ago but my mom is the one who gave me the most problems as a kid. They don't abuse me but their love feels conditional and they aren't able to have conversations without blaming me and rolling their eyes at me.

You see, I'm currently in an obsessive anxious spiral that started 3+ weeks ago and has never gone away. Being single my whole life has suddenly started to bother me, even though I never cared until ~1.5 months ago; jealousy is eating me alive and I literally cry EVERY day. I cried this morning, for example. But of course, my parents will never be of any help.

Last month, I remember my mom interrupting a joke i was making about wanting "a boyfriend like my cousin's" (but I was literally just JOKING about wanting a partner with a nice family); she thought I was complaining about being single. With a patronizing tone, she basically told me it's my fault for not "taking care of myself" which in her eyes means wearing makeup and uncomfortable outfits. I fell completely silent and tried not to cry. Then a few days ago the topic came up again, and both my parents decided to tell me that it's my fault, again. What made me the angriest is that my dad dared to tell me I need to wear makeup, because he literally had nothing else to say.

In their eyes, everything is my fault because I'm not enough the way I am. They can't tell me the truth, that I'm ugly and I'm no one's type, because they're my parents and they can't say that. But I would've liked that statement more. It's more honest and way less condescending.

Well, now I'm scared of telling my therapist because I'm going to feel stupid. My parents treat me like a kid, I dont feel allowed to talk about relationships because I feel less of an adult due to my inexperience, and I'm afraid that my therapist would think the same. I know he won't, I know he's a good professional, but what am I supposed to do?

Words can't explain how embarassed i am at the thought of telling him how I feel. I'm afraid i will sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum because she hasn't found a Prince Charming yet. But technically that's not even the issue, because maybe the main problem is that I can't think of anything else because my brain won't let me - it has convinced me that if I stop thinking about this, I will die alone.

And thats even more embarrassing.

I've been so transparent with my therapist i have no idea why I'm dreading this cinversatiom so much

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Quest'anno ho la maturità, cerco consigli

Lo dico perché sono stata bocciata in prima superiore, dunque sono del 2007 e sono indietro, il che mi destabilizza molto spesso. Ho continuato a fare il linguistico anche dopo la bocciatura e non credo di essermene pentita.. ho avuto solo un periodo di crisi quest'estate perché TUTTI dicono che, laureandosi in lingue, non hanno concluso niente nella vita (oppure gli altri ti dicono di non farlo, anzi ti dicono di cambiare rotta alla magistrale o di fare un'altra triennale). Quindi volevo un po' parlarne e confrontarmi con gli utenti del sub.

Innanzitutto per quanto riguarda il lavoro, c'era un periodo in cui mi stavo preoccupando molto, ma in realtà forse la mia situazione è completamente diversa; io sono una persona con vari problemi di salute e una certa percentuale di invalidità, dunque con la legge 68/99 spero di trovare un minimo di stabilità. Solitamente per quelli come me si parla di PA e posti di lavoro simili. Detto questo, non voglio sentirmi una specie di parassita nella società, vorrei studiare e mi chiedo se il percorso che ho in mente per il futuro abbia senso (per me è tanta roba, perché fino a 4 mesi fa non sapevo proprio che fare):

Io vorrei iniziare con una triennale in Mediazione Linguistica, quella che tutti su Reddit definiscono assolutamente inutile. Vivo a Roma e devo ammettere che mi fa paura l'idea di abituarmi a un ambiente come quello di La Sapienza, ma vabbè; per il corso L-12, quello è l'ateneo che mi viene più comodo raggiungere.

Successivamente... tutti mi direbbero di fare Economia, ma ho paura: ho la discalculia e non ci capisco un cavolo. Mi terrorizza l'idea di studiare certe cose, perché sarebbe un disastro se mi rendessi conto di non esserne all'altezza, e poi non mi piace l'idea. Informandomi ho cercato delle alternative.

La LM-94 fa storcere il naso a tutti, poiché è risaputo che traduzione e interpretariato non sono considerati lavori veri. Perciò mi stavo informando anche sulla LM-38, che prima non avevo mai sentito nominare, e lì per lì mi sembrava una scelta sensata. Comunque, è chiaro che prima mi tocca pregare di passare la maturità con un voto decente e soprattutto devo ancora capire bene come funziona il mondo universitario in generale.

Credo di essere una persona che ha "voglia di fare", ma ho paura di non essere abbastanza capace, e in questo vorrei migliorare. Inoltre mi è stato sempre consigliato di fare, dopo la maturità, dei mesi di Servizio Civile... a me non sembra una cattiva idea.

Beh che dire 😭😭 ringrazio tutti quelli che sono arrivati fino alla fine di questo papiro. Per favore, fatemi sapere se sto dicendo solo una valanga di stronzate e se è il caso che mi dia una svegliata, perché non voglio essere pessimista ma neanche vivere nel mondo dei sogni

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

Nervous about seeing my therapist after a month

19f, have been in therapy for 7-ish months, but I haven't seen my T since mid july because he doesn't work in August. I'm slightly scared of going back because my brain wants to convince me that things will be different when I see him again, and that I will mess up because I have too much to say. But I won't read this to him because I'd rather talk to him normally. I guess ill write my thoughts down in this post in the meantime, for anyone who's patient enough to read and help.

This summer, I believe that good stuff happened. I felt happier than i have in a while. I did things that were outside of my comfort zone, actively using the tools and advice from my therapist, and objectively that shouldn't mean I'm not doing well.. but maybe the core issue is that I don't myself too much.

When August came and everyone started to leave for summer vacation, I was mostly stuck with my mom (I went to the beach or shopping at the mall etc)... I had already been worrying about my friends from school, who graduated before me. I'm bad at texting, but if I didn't reach out first, they never messaged me - so it was hard for me to feel relaxed about my social life, even though I was hopeful. However, I felt a little isolated, which always triggers my anxiety.. I've had moments where I didn't know what to do with myself, and I was terrified of going back to the depressed state I used to be in. It's become a habit for me to practice relaxation/breathing techniques that my therapist taught me, but these things can only do so much.

Lastly, there's a stupid thing that's been impacting me negatively and I just don't have the guts to bring it up to my therapist. You see, I've been single my whole life and this thought has been haunting me for the past 3+ weeks. I don't see a future where anyone likes me back, because I've been feeling extremely ugly and hating my physical appearance more and more, and being surrounded by couples triggers a desperate jealousy that kills me. It used to make me cry and spiral everyday... now it feels like it's getting better but I get triggered easily, and when I do, I spiral again. However, this problem feels absolutely stupid and humiliating because my therapist can't do anything about my lack of a romantic life.

Overall, the core "realization" is that maybe I'm too hard on myself. But I don't feel like I am, because i feel like harsh judgement is what I truly need and deserve - meaning it's very difficult to imagine a future where I work on being KIND to myself. I constantly feel like im not doing enough, which my therapist already knows. In the long run though, all my "problems" start feeling like childish issues that I need to stop whining about.

I tried to make this as understandable as possible.. thank you to everyone who will help :(

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

When is it worth bringing up in therapy?

I am 19F, I havent thrown up in at least 8 years, maybe even 9. Back when I used to throw up every now and then, I don't think I was THIS terrified, and i only noticed that i was scared of vomiting when i was 13. Recently I've been doing research, and I'm curious about a possible OCPD and/or OCD diagnosis (though realistically I can't get one, and I'm already diagnosed with anxiety)

The title of this post sounds silly I know. Sometimes I just struggle with feeling like I need to focus on my current therapy goals and progress, and when I start worrying about something else, I wonder if my brain is being stupid and if bringing it up will be unnecessary and thus attention-seeking.. like the fact that I'm currently wondering if my emetophobia has gotten worse, even though it's not exactly debilitating, and I've never brought it up before. I think I just need support.

I get scared when i think im nauseous, which is pretty obvious. What I've noticed is that recently, it gets worse when I eat out. I was at a traditional Roman restaurant IN Rome which means the meals were bound to be well-made (I'm also from Rome, so I'm familiar with the food)... but I looked at it and tasted it, it was really good but it was really heavy and dense because it was handmade, plus it was a big portion and I started getting scared. I occasionally zoned out while eating and I felt anxious. The problem is I was with my best friend.

Then last week I ate at another restaurant for two days in a row. I'd already been there. The first day I absolutely overate and I was scared, so the second day I tried to be mindful of everything: I got pasta and dessert. The problem is the pasta itself felt rich and heavy.. and while I was eating it, my heartrate got faster and I couldn't stop overthinking - it was so filling for no reason, so i left some of it. Then when I was eating dessert, I started feeling AWFUL and it was really scary because I didn't expect it AT ALL. My brain associated my past discomfort with the appetizers and fries, so when i felt ill despite avoiding those, I started feeling confused and panicked. Realistically I know I only felt ill because my stomach was stretched, but I was still so worried.

At home, I occasionally get the feeling that I won't be able to finish some meals and feel scared after eating. Overall, it's common for me to go to sleep panicking about the possibility of throwing up in the morning, ESPECIALLY after I've eaten out. This fear probably started a few years ago when we ate at a new, expensive restaurant, and my mom felt sick the same evening.. I felt fine, but I was terrified of going to sleep because what if I was going to throw up too?

So yeah that's all. I just wonder if this could fit into a therapy session, not cuz I want to make a big deal out of it, but just because I dont really have anyone else to share it with. If anything, at least I shared it here where people understand me :(

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago
▲ 2 r/phones

Good samsung phones?

My current phone, a Samsung Galaxy A14, might be dying. That's what everyone told me here on reddit but I was also told that a replacement isn't worth it, and that I should get a proper Samsung flagship

I was told there's zero difference between s23, s24 etc. But DAMN the S series is expensive.. like how do people buy REFURBISHED phones for 300€?? I got this one in 2023 because it was cheaper than 200...

I'm 19, my parents are a little strict - they want me to save my money and buy the "useless things" with THEIR money - and they wouldn't really go over the 200€ budget. However I'm graduating this year and I'd definitely like a phone that will last more than just 2.5–3 years.. so.. if anything, I will ask them if I can add like 100€ to the purchase just to raise the budget a little

In case I can raise the price to ~300€ish or maybe even 350, what are my options? And if I can't.. are there any decent A series phones? 😅

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u/Sea_Option330 — 1 month ago

What songs come to your mind when you think about him?

Very serious and important question :3

I mean any song. Including stuff like songs for videogames/anime (whether theyre official or fanmade), songs from musicals, cartoons, etc etc

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

Mi conviene cambiare telefono?

Il mio telefono è un Samsung A14 che ho comprato a luglio 2023. Tutti i miei telefoni, ora che ci penso, sono durati tre anni. Abbiate pazienza perché non sono esperta hahaha.

Descrivo il problema: da più di 2 settimane ho notato che l'audio a volte sparisce completamente. Prima cercavo di spegnere o riavviare il cellulare e aspettavo un po' prima di usarlo, però ultimamente ho capito che l'audio ritorna quando spingo con le dita al centro del telefono (in basso). Comunque poi il problema si ripresenta spesso, e anche se il mio metodo ha funzionato per tipo due giorni, ora mi tocca tenere premuto perché altrimenti l'audio va via di nuovo. In questo momento sta funzionando, ma ad esempio ho il telefono scarico e sicuramente succederebbe di nuovo se lo mettessi in carica; ovviamente succede quando il dispositivo si surriscalda, e ormai è facilissimo farlo surriscaldare.

Ho dei dubbi, per vari motivi.

Innanzitutto (essendo una studentessa di 19 anni) vivo con i miei genitori, che non mi lascerebbero usare i soldi nel mio portafoglio per comprare un nuovo cellulare. Insisterebbero dicendo che devono comprarmelo loro, ma il problema è che farebbero prima parecchie polemiche.

Mio padre è uno che la vuole sempre vinta, e vuole sempre far vedere che ha la soluzione a tutto. Se io gli dicessi che ho questo problema (anche in momenti in cui l'audio funziona), lui mi prenderebbe il cellulare dalle mani, inizierebbe a fare un casino con tutti i tasti nelle impostazioni, e inizierebbe a spingere con forza sul telefono e i tasti del volume con quelle dita giganti che si ritrova. Se gli chiedessi con calma di lasciar perdere, si incazzerebbe e poi inizieremmo a litigare.

Quello che voglio dire è che io non voglio restare improvvisamente senza telefono adesso che il mio attuale telefono mi sta abbandonando, è ovvio che c'è qualcosa che non va e che la situazione non può che peggiorare. Non voglio affatto andarmi a comprare un iPhone 4000 Pro UltraMax che tanto morirebbe in 3 anni anche quello... vorrei solo avere un telefono nuovo e fare l'accesso ai miei account, installarmi le mie applicazioni, salvare qualche foto.. con calma. Senza perdere tutto all'improvviso. È anche per questo che, se dovessi portarlo a riparare, non vorrei che facessero un ripristino dei dati di fabbrica (e ha davvero senso portarlo a riparare?)

È proprio una cosa mia. Spero non sembri un capriccio, perché per me non lo è :/ perciò vorrei dei consigli su come gestire la situazione..

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

19f, devo ancora diplomarmi.. consigli?

Parto col dire che sono stata bocciata in prima liceo. Ho comunque continuato a fare il linguistico e quindi mi diplomerò l'anno prossimo. Vorrei prima parlare un secondo del mio percorso scolastico e i miei dubbi a riguardo.

Fino a 4 mesi fa, ho sempre detto che non mi sono pentita di aver scelto questa scuola, ma poi sono entrata in crisi per la paura di non avere un futuro. Mi chiedevo cosa stessi facendo, avevo paura che non sarei mai riuscita a gestire un'esperienza all'estero, mi dicevo di aver scelto una scuola inutile perché l'inglese lo parlano tutti e non sono riuscita a "eccellere" nelle altre 2 lingue come con l'inglese. Non sapevo neanche più quale strada prendere all'università, perché TUTTI (!!!) dicono che mediazione linguistica è assolutamente inutile, per non parlare del percorso che si fa per insegnare (che io avevo escluso sin dall'inizio perché non fa per me). Visto che ho serie difficoltà legate ai miei disturbi dell'apprendimento, principalmente la discalculia, l'idea di "cambiare strada" dopo Mediazione per fare roba legata a Economia mi fa paura... non credo proprio di esserne all'altezza, ma tutti ti consigliano quel tipo di magistrale dopo Mediazione linguistica se non vuoi morire di fame.

E allora ho iniziato a pensare di aver sbagliato tutto nella vita, e che forse avrei dovuto fare lo Scienze Umane (come mi è stato consigliato dai miei prof delle medie) per poi scegliere qualcosa come Scienze dell'Educazione e roba così. C'è stato un periodo in cui ci ho creduto veramente.

Ma arriviamo alla parte che riguarda il lavoro. Devo fare l'iscrizione al collocamento mirato per rientrare nelle categorie protette (ho varie difficoltà legate all'idrocefalo)... e mi chiedo se questo può aiutarmi a trovare stabilità, a non restare senza lavoro solo perché non posso scegliere facoltà STEM. Il punto è che vorrei fare un percorso di traduzione specializzata e interpretariato dopo la triennale, quindi è terrificante sapere che quel tipo di mercato è "morto".

Non voglio neanche sembrare una persona pigra che vuole la vita facile. Ma con tutti i problemi che ho dovuto affrontare, ho veramente bisogno di ricevere consigli su cosa fare per non sentirmi inutile tutta la vita

Che dovrei fare secondo voi?

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

Non ho esperienze e non so proprio da dove cominciare

Allora innanzitutto io (19F) sto cercando di mettermi in testa che non troverò mai NESSUNO finché la mia vita sociale non migliorerà, e che quindi devo continuare ad andare in terapia e basta perché è ovvio che mi sento sola, perciò è inutile piangere. È difficile perché voglio piangere ogni volta che penso ai giovani che non sono single mentre io lo sarò per chissà quanto tempo, però vabbè. Certe volte mi chiedo se ho aspettative troppo alte.

Il punto è che ogni tanto penso a ciò che vorrei in una relazione, e poi mi vengono in mente tutte le cose che leggo riguardo al mondo del dating.. sinceramente, boh.

Io sono bisessuale. Vedo persone palesemente queer in giro, ma tutte loro avranno circa 15 anni, e non ho mai parlato con nessuna ragazza che non fosse etero. Però mi è stato chiesto il numero UNA volta sola, da un ragazzo inquietante e insistente che per "fare colpo" su di me si vantava di aver preso a cazzotti i suoi compagni di classe, e raccontava di aver detto alla sua famiglia che eravamo già fidanzati, anche se io l'ho rifiutato la prima volta che l'ho visto (e lui non ne voleva proprio sapere).

Ho provato le app di dating che secondo me, se non paghi, non servono a niente. Tuttavia è anche vero che nessuno mi stava ricambiando i like. Dopo un po' mi sono chiesta cosa cazzo stessi facendo e ho disinstallato tutto quanto, per poi sentirmi dire che "le ragazze nelle relazioni hanno SEMPRE la fila dietro e tantissimo successo". A sentire ciò che dice la gente, mi viene da pensare che forse sono un uomo e non lo sapevo.

Ma in realtà a me piacerebbe che la mia prima relazione iniziasse da un'amicizia, e forse il problema è proprio quello. Le ragazze mi piacciono e anche tanto, ma comunque forse mi attira di più l'idea di avere un fidanzato perché so che i miei genitori lo accetterebbero.. il problema è che ho sempre l'impressione che le persone del sesso opposto non vogliano socializzare molto tra loro, e che quando si avvicinano è perché c'è attrazione o per la speranza di invitare l'altro/a ad uscire.

Se poi mi ritrovassi ad avere amici maschi, e se mi piacesse uno di loro, non mi sentirei affatto all'altezza. Non riuscirei a tenermelo per me, ma se dovessi dichiararmi, mi aspetterei subito la friendzone; non sento di essere il tipo di persona che piace ai ragazzi, e forse neanche alle ragazze, neanche se avessimo interessi, hobby e caratteri simili.

Ma le relazioni (per chi non è un figo o figa della madonna) sono davvero solo questo? Un mondo fatto di "dating" e aperitivi dove si vuole SOLO valutare se si è compatibili l'uno con l'altro, e in caso contrario si ricomincia da capo? Onestamente la mia ultima speranza sono le conoscenze che potrei fare all'università o durante le prime esperienze lavorative, ma anche se fosse, mi sa che mi sto illudendo

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

I can't see a dentist rn and I'm anxious

Months ago I realized my lower left tooth hurt when I bit into tough foods, and I was like oh okay I will see a dentist. But so many things came up and then I forgot about the pain because I stopped chewing on my left side. Then it just stopped.

I'm back from a vacation and it bothered me a few times but nothing major. Now however I am experiencing other problems and I'm really anxious, because I currently have no way to see a dentist and I might have to wait at least 10 days.

First of all, I'm not in a kind of pain that makes me scream, but it still changed. My lower left tooth now hurts on its own, not just when I chew on that side, and it's like this slightly dull and lingering sensation. I can't even tell where the pain is sometimes.

I wish that was the only thing, because now the whole left side of my jaw feels uncomfortable: the gum in the back of my UPPER jaw feels like it's swollen, I can't explain it. My upper molars are fine but the gum in the back feels off, to the point where I almost feel like it makes my bite uneven, but I have no idea what it actually is. I took ibuprofen for the "swelling" once, 2 days ago, and the feeling in my upper jaw got better. It felt better in general... but I can't keep taking ibuprofen like this

I'm afraid it could be related to wisdom teeth, but listen: I had zero problems with my teeth after 2023. In 2023 I got an x-ray done, and no one mentioned wisdom tooth issues; they only said a few vague things about the wisdom teeth sitting at the bottom of my jaw. They said nothing about the upper jaw, which is where I feel the swelling.

I don't know how to navigate this. As an anxious person who also hates the dentist's, this is hell, and I rally wish o could just get this over with. I'm scared this will turn into something really REALLY bad

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

I'm not sure what else to improve

Yesterday I was messing around with her artifacts because she had low crit rate and I kinda wanted to fix that. Because my last build had 184% CD but less than 45% CR. However I lost ~150 atk in the meantime

What else should I do? Is the crit ratio okay, and am I still missing a lot of stuff? Getting these artifacts was hard lmao

(If I switch some pieces I get more atk and my EM goes up to 300, but the crit ratio is usually like 63/165.. and I thought she needed a lot more CD.. but 174% is all I can give her without dropping to 30% cr)

u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

Do you think Danica will be unskippable for her teams?

Like honestly I'm just trying to compare other character duos, because Hoyo has been loving those for a long time now. But of course it's just speculation (and I hope there are ppl in the same boat as me: I can't skip Mitya and Anastasya because I love them, but getting them AND Danica will be hard 😭)

For example there's no guarantee Anastasya is like Mavuika, but still: Citlali and Mav were sold together and it absolutely worked, but Mavuika is insanely flexible. You might not be able to play her in strong melt teams with no Citlali, but you have so many other options.

Then we have Flins and BiNeffa - Lunar reactions make your DPS skyrocket with minimal effort (just like Stellar reactions) and you don't really need a full team.. Flins is strong as long as you have Columbina OR Ineffa. You don't need both, though Columbina would be more valuable bc she's the lunar enabler/buffer.

So now I'm thinking about Esco/Skirk duo. But are we sure that Danica will be like Escoffier? Because there's no way her Majesty the Tsaritsa gets the Skirk treatment, where literally no one recommends pulling her without Esco, unless they're telling you to pull whoever you like (and honestly that's not realistic for genshin's current meta).

My biggest concern is that by the time Danica reruns, I might need to pull for someone else (like when Lauma reran i really wanted Linnea for Zibai). Plus I don't like Danica tbh, I'm fine with getting characters I dislike if they're supports for my favs, but I'd rather not skip Mitya just to guarantee her 😭

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago

Discouraged about my progress

I am 19f I've been in therapy since december. It took me a few months to realize i was feeling less depressed, and it was great - my anxiety became stronger than ever, but I pushed through it and didn't really care. I had gotten some new friends' numbers, I texted them, we saw each other a few times because I supported them on their final exams day.. I was glad I had people to hang out with; even if they were busy during the summer, I was hopeful for the end of it. I thought I was doing well, because I felt okay.

I haven't seen my therapist all month because he isn't working until September.

Late July and early August were messy because I wasn't okay physically, but I still worked on my social life on vacation. It was imperfect but I was kinda proud of myself. But now it's over, it's been weeks, and I'm actually spiraling..

I struggle with texting people so this is an absolute hell for me, not having a reason to see my friends everyday because school is over and they graduated. I made a friend on vacation but I've been struggling to ask her if we could see each other. I haven't texted some of my school friends, and the only good thing is that I'm supposed to see one of them by September. But this whole situation is making me anxious and upset.

It got me thinking that maybe, I just got lucky with my friendships. I already knew those people, and we only got closer this year by coincidence, but maybe I'm not actually doing a good job. I struggle with feeling like my progress is enough, i get anxious if I don't feel like like I'm "constantly" improving; I told my T about this and he said that there is no actual way of "doing enough". But it's still hard.

Plus, I've been really upset over something completely different that I can't fix in just a few days. But I feel like it's pathetic and I'm too embarassed to tell my therapist. However not only does it make me cry nearly everyday, it also makes me irritable and maybe it's partially the reason why I feel this way.

New issues aside: I've been feeling slightly stuck, just enough for me to be disappointed and discouraged. The people I hang out with are on vacation, I'm sure I'd be happy to be with them if they asked to see me, but I currently don't really want to go outside even if it's just for groceries with my mom... this triggers a really bad feeling of anxiety because I am extremely scared of regressing back to my depressive state. Everytime i sense that it could happen, i need sudden action and reassurance that it won't.

I feel like maybe this is just something that I can't really navigate in my own. Even when I do make progress, the things i do to improve are not easy for me, and I'm not relaxed when I do them; meaning that when I feel stuck, it's even harder. I feel stupid and I dont know what to do

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u/Sea_Option330 — 2 months ago