u/Sea_Option330

I am 19f I've been in therapy since december. It took me a few months to realize i was feeling less depressed, and it was great - my anxiety became stronger than ever, but I pushed through it and didn't really care. I had gotten some new friends' numbers, I texted them, we saw each other a few times because I supported them on their final exams day.. I was glad I had people to hang out with; even if they were busy during the summer, I was hopeful for the end of it. I thought I was doing well, because I felt okay.

I haven't seen my therapist all month because he isn't working until September.

Late July and early August were messy because I wasn't okay physically, but I still worked on my social life on vacation. It was imperfect but I was kinda proud of myself. But now it's over, it's been weeks, and I'm actually spiraling..

I struggle with texting people so this is an absolute hell for me, not having a reason to see my friends everyday because school is over and they graduated. I made a friend on vacation but I've been struggling to ask her if we could see each other. I haven't texted some of my school friends, and the only good thing is that I'm supposed to see one of them by September. But this whole situation is making me anxious and upset.

It got me thinking that maybe, I just got lucky with my friendships. I already knew those people, and we only got closer this year by coincidence, but maybe I'm not actually doing a good job. I struggle with feeling like my progress is enough, i get anxious if I don't feel like like I'm "constantly" improving; I told my T about this and he said that there is no actual way of "doing enough". But it's still hard.

Plus, I've been really upset over something completely different that I can't fix in just a few days. But I feel like it's pathetic and I'm too embarassed to tell my therapist. However not only does it make me cry nearly everyday, it also makes me irritable and maybe it's partially the reason why I feel this way.

New issues aside: I've been feeling slightly stuck, just enough for me to be disappointed and discouraged. The people I hang out with are on vacation, I'm sure I'd be happy to be with them if they asked to see me, but I currently don't really want to go outside even if it's just for groceries with my mom... this triggers a really bad feeling of anxiety because I am extremely scared of regressing back to my depressive state. Everytime i sense that it could happen, i need sudden action and reassurance that it won't.

I feel like maybe this is just something that I can't really navigate in my own. Even when I do make progress, the things i do to improve are not easy for me, and I'm not relaxed when I do them; meaning that when I feel stuck, it's even harder. I feel stupid and I dont know what to do

(I hope I used the right flair)

I [f19] used to see a school therapist who mentioned OCD to me once when I was 15, and I've been doing research for a while now. But since I was told to look into OCPD instead, I'd like some opinions.

(This is long pls be patient 😞)

Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:

• DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking abt all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.

• STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, perpetrators will never be redeemed bc redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

• PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, esp when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get VERY upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.

• EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my body will reject it, for no reason in particular.

• INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho..

There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking abt how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse bc my parents are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

F19 in terapia da 6 mesi. Post basato su una cosa che mi è stata detta, a 15 anni, dalla psicologa della scuola (una professionista con i fiocchi, tuttavia non abbiamo mai approfondito perché all'epoca mi spaventavano queste etichette). Comunque mi mancano alcuni sintomi più "comuni" come la paura dei germi, o il bisogno di compiere azioni ripetitive prima di fare qualcosa.

Non dico che mi rovinano la vita, né cerco una diagnosi - vorrei solo un'opinione, è importante per me. Mi va bene anche se date il testo in pasto a chatgpt per un riassunto 😭 Per chi avrà la pazienza di leggere, visto che ho passato gli ultimi giorni a fare ricerche/informarmi ovunque, vorrei condividere un po' alcune mie tendenze che mi hanno fatto riflettere.

- PERFEZIONISMO: in realtà non mi definisco una perfezionista, faccio un sacco di casini. Tuttavia ad esempio durante lo studio, soprattutto quando una materia mi piace, devo usare le frasi che mi sembrano il più adeguate possibile e solitamente ricomincio da capo se sbaglio. Quando gli altri in classe vengono interrogati, sento il bisogno di correggerli o rispondere per loro, perché di solito non spiegano l'argomento nel modo in cui lo farei io (e questo mi provoca un senso di disagio/agitazione).

- PRINCIPI MORALI RIGIDI: in pratica quando io commetto uno sbaglio, inizio a odiarmi e tendo a parlarne online da qualsiasi parte come se mi stessi confessando, voglio sempre assicurarmi di essere una brava persona. Tuttavia non tollero NIENTE di ciò che va contro i miei principi, e il mio cervello non perdona: non tollero storie di bullismo, pedofilia, stupro, maltrattamento dei propri figli. Trovo ingiusto che quando quei mostri commettono certi crimini, non vengono mai puniti e vengono addirittura aiutati e supportati emotivamente; ai miei occhi, la redenzione per queste "persone" è un concetto sciocco che non dovrebbe esistere, poiché ormai hanno rovinato la vita di tanta gente e meritano di sentirsi in colpa per sempre. Questa mentalità mi sembra la più giusta e mi aiuta anche a non dubitare di me stessa.

- PENSIERI INTRUSIVI: a volte sono più difficili da ignorare, ma di solito non mi causano troppi problemi, sono solo spaventosi quando mi capita di averli. Ma dipende molto dal contesto in cui mi trovo. Un esempio che voglio fare: avevo litigato con mia madre ed ero agitata, ma poi ho dovuto impedire che il mio gatto uscisse dalla porta di casa: mentre lo tenevo mi graffiava con le zampe posteriori, provavo dolore e rabbia e ho avuto pensieri molto violenti che mi hanno fatta piangere per 10 minuti.

- EMETOFOBIA: penso sia dovuta al fatto che non vomito dalla quinta elementare, e ora ho troppa paura di farlo, perché significa perdere il controllo. Anche se non ho paura dei germi e non sento il bisogno costante di essere pulita, a causa della mia emetofobia io mi ritrovo spesso a dubitare del cibo che mangio fuori casa; penso che il ristorante non sia pulito, che il pasto sia troppo pesante, o che il mio stomaco non lo reggerà anche senza un motivo preciso. Quando penso di avvertire un po' di nausea, mi agito moltissimo. Anche quando mi sembra di aver mangiato troppo, o se mi dimentico di controllare una scadenza.

- DUBBI/INCERTEZZE: qui voglio fare un esempio concreto. Io ho sempre sospettato di avere disturbi dell'apprendimento, ma ho ottenuto la diagnosi solo a 18 anni dopo tantissime ricerche fatte leggendo libri e articoli. Avevo ragione sul fatto che le mie capacità non-verbali sono molto limitate rispetto alle mie capacità verbali. Ma quando mi è stata data la diagnosi, ho iniziato ad analizzare tutte le mie azioni; ho iniziato a credere che le mie abilità nel parlare/scrivere non fossero abbastanza buone o costanti, e che quindi fosse tutta una menzogna. Il fatto è che ho una forma di dislessia lieve, perciò faccio fatica a leggere e comprendere velocemente, o a organizzare un tema/testo.. ma comunque mi sentivo sbagliata, sentivo di aver mentito ai professionisti, e ovviamente non è affatto così. I risultati dei test parlavano chiaro.

Queste sono le cose che ritengo più importanti. Vorrei però fare un altro esempio: io mi agito TANTO quando qualcuno ha il mio telefono in mano, o mi guarda lo schermo. Il mio telefono è una cosa estremamente personale, per me è tipo un santuario estremamente privato. Una volta ho tolto il cellulare di mia cugina dalle sue stesse mani, perché credevo fosse il mio... ancora non mi perdono per ciò che ho fatto e mi vergogno. Quando però ho condiviso questa cosa online, mi è stato detto (per la seconda volta) in modo molto aggressivo che potevo avere un disturbo ossessivo compulsivo. Non ho mai dimenticato quel commento.

Grazie mille a chi risponderà 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Ocd sub ignored my post🙂‍↕️i took it down)

I used to see a school therapist who mentioned OCD once when I was 15, and I've been doing research for a while now. I'd like some opinions.

I lack some of the classic symptoms - germophobia, repetitive rituals, etc. Here's a list of things abt me:

- DOUBT LOOPS: I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited. My parents had never let me get a diagnosis b4, & I'd been making endless research online..then i got the confirmation that I'd been right abt everything,&I was happy. But then I started doubting my verbal abilities, thinking abt all the moments where they don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the selfdoubt is strong.

- STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting abt them online like . But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like bullying, pedophilia, sexual abuse. In my mind, perpetrators will never be redeemed bc redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

- PERFECTIONISM: i take a long time to study certain things, esp when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it satisfying when I phrase the sentences just right. When it comes to other people, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick. when people in class answer questions, i get agitated if they have nothing to say. Even worse when the ppl with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, esp when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation that feels wrong to me.

- EMETOPHOBIA: I learned that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade: thats when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant when I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I get scared while eating out - I eat the meals but I get anxious that the meal is too heavy,or that there can be smth wrong with the food.. or that my body will reject it for no reason in particular.

- INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these arent debilitating, just scary when i get them. I'm not really willing to share them tho.

There are other things I've always associated with social anxiety,like replaying social interactions in my head and thinking abt how wrong some of them went. Other times I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when ppl try look at my phone - it gets worse bc my parents are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety bc my digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousins phone from her hands, bc I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

(The ocd subreddit ignored my post 🙂‍↕️)

Hello guys, I hope this post isn't offensive to anybody. I am a 19 year old girl with anxiety and social anxiety, I'm in therapy, and I do not have an ocd diagnosis.. but I've been doing research for about four months now, because of articles I've read that made me question some of my tendencies. Im not saying they're debilitating but im still curious.

(This is long pls be patient 😞)

I lack some of the symptoms that people usually put as examples for ocd - fear of germs, repetitive rituals before an action, and luckily I never experienced the compulsive need for things like praying. Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:

\- DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking about all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.

\- STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online everywhere like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, the perpetrators will never be redeemed because redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get therapy and treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

\- PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, even and especially when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it extremely satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get extremely upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.

\- EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my stomach will simply reject it, for no reason in particular.

\- INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho. I can only share one episode: I had argued with my mother and I was upset, but my cat then tried to leave the house by going through the door. I had to hold him down. He isn't usually aggressive but he was biting me and kicking me with his back legs.. and in the meantime, I thought about being very violent with him. I was so shocked that I spent the day trying not to cry.

There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking about how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I absolutely humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse because my parents (who stopped monitoring my screentime after I turned 11) are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, why I'm typing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

Hiii idk if what im looking for is curtain bangs tbh, but.. I want to shorten the length of my hair a little, so I was thinking I should take advantage of that to ask for a haircut that frames my face. But the front layers gotta be long enough to reach my ponytail (hoping that request isn't too unrealistic)

I saw this on pinterest: https://pin.it/4GJAQRA6z

My hair is actually thicker than that girl's.. I think it can hold a shape - it bends easily from claw clips, like, they create a sort of wave on the back of my head that never goes away unless I wash it. On the other hand, it can't hold curls and waves.

Im kind of obsessing over my hair texture because what I'm scared of is that front layers will look flat. Of course they look the best when you're freshly out of the salon, but I just hope I won't go crazy trying to make them look decent and presentable without the hairstylist's help. When I wash my hair, I just blow-dry them and brush them.. would I need anything fancier for this? 🙂‍↕️

I am 19(F). What I mean is that my parents don't look through my phone on purpose.. but I get extremely bothered because sometimes, when I'm doing things, they will look at my phone and ask me about what I'm doing. They will stare at my screen and act like they have a right to doubt me when I pull away and get defensive. It's summer meaning I go out and don't see them 24/7, but sometimes we just gotta be in the same room LOL.

Last time, my mom looked over at me because she saw me typing. I'm active on reddit and tumblr, meaning I write a LOT, whether I'm venting or expressing opinions.. and in that case, I was venting. She doesn't know a word about English, but there are words that are very similar to our language, and she would still make an effort to try and understand. The problem is she's so obsessed with telling me that she always sees me typing, and that she "is scared I am talking to weirdos".

My dad is even worse because he's the one who tries to "understand" the words on my screen the most. If he sees a word he might recognize, he tries to translate it and asks me about it with a suspicious face. They usually aren't angry, but they love to provoke me and THEN they get irritated when I respond.

I know I have issues of my own. I get anxious when people have my phone in their hands, because my digital space feels sacred, plus i'm scared of being judged. But this is about me being unable to do most things around my parents, because they expect me to be okay with them "checking", and it's absolutely idiotic: I would never do whatever they are scared of, and they are well aware of that, so I think this is just the strategy they use to make me angry (to justify telling me that I'm mentally ill).

Plus... honestly? I'm 19, I can talk to whoever I want. I could be sexting the creepiest pervert on the internet, send them the spiciest pictures of myself, flirt with anyone online.. it wouldn't be any of their business: they never cared about my feelings, and they sure as hell never monitored my screentime, so they have no reason to be worried now.

I wonder if I'm just biased because of the resentment I feel towards them, and that's why I'm making this post. My therapist also believes I have OCD symptoms and this is even harder because of my tendency to catastrophize everything

(If I'm overreacting please don't be mean to me i might die tbh)

Hello, this is nothing major, I didn't harm myself or others in any way. the post is about a topic that's been making me feel extremely embarassed. Its just different. My next session is at least ~30 days away, but still. Please read this even if it might be long :(

I (F19) am very transparent with my therapist, who is M40 if that's useful info. Yet this specific issue is something that feels so stupid to me, that I can't imagine how my conversation with him would go, and I really don't want to deal with it. I think I'm looking for advice on how to handle it. I'm half scared of his reaction, but I mainly just don't want to mention it even tho I need to. Texting isn't an option btw, it makes me so anxious.

You see, I will tell him that I've been feeling extremely insecure about the way my face looks with AND without makeup. However, the problem is that I have also been feeling very lonely.. I'm working on my social life, but the lack of romantic experience (as a virgin who's never kissed anyone) is killing me.

I get tears in my eyes, crying spells, or my heart rate picks up whenever my mind thinks about people who aren't single. I've tried to stay away from social media stories of people in relationships, people my age getting ready for their first date and first times, etc... but it doesn't help, because I'm surrounded by those people in real life. I get triggered VERY easily. Even my own sexual arousal is a trigger: sometimes I use it as a distraction, but other times I stop because I feel disappointed and embarassed.

Relationships can suck, but they're a crucial part of SO MANY people's lives: silly middle school drama, high school sweethearts, romantic dates with zero responsibilities, and even the most crunge experiences. I never had that, because no one ever liked me. But no one will EVER like me if I look the way I do, if my smile is so ugly, and if I look like a damn child.

But it's stupid. What I just wrote here is absolutely ridiculous and pathetic. I can't sit with my therapist and tell him all this crap.. where's the girl who wanted to get better, keep her friendships alive, get rid of depression and become independent? This is so out of character for me.

I sound dramatic. But I can't picture talking to ANYONE about this. The problem is that loneliness is just a matter of fact, you can't do anything about it.. it's a stupid, shallow topic to bring up in therapy when I know I have other priorities.

This is so hard, I can't explain the absolute repulsion I feel at the thought of mentioning the issue. What do I even do?

Hello, this is nothing major, I didn't harm myself or others in any way. the post is about a topic that's been making me feel extremely embarassed. My next session is at least ~30 days away, but still. Please read this even if it might be long :(

I (F19) am very transparent with my therapist, who is M40 if that's useful info. Yet this specific issue is something that feels so stupid to me, that I can't imagine how my conversation with him would go, and I really don't want to deal with it. I think I'm looking for advice on how to handle it. I'm half scared of his reaction, but I mainly just don't want to mention it even tho I need to. Texting isn't an option btw, it makes me so anxious.

You see, I will tell him that I've been feeling extremely insecure about the way my face looks with AND without makeup. However, the problem is that I have also been feeling very lonely.. I'm working on my social life, but the lack of romantic experience (as a virgin who's never kissed anyone) is killing me.

I get tears in my eyes, crying spells, or my heart rate picks up whenever my mind thinks about people who aren't single. I've tried to stay away from social media stories of people in relationships, people my age getting ready for their first date and first times, etc... but it doesn't help, because I'm surrounded by those people in real life. I get triggered VERY easily. Even my own sexual arousal is a trigger: sometimes I use it as a distraction, but other times I stop because I feel disappointed and embarassed.

Relationships can suck, but they're a crucial part of SO MANY people's lives: silly middle school drama, high school sweethearts, romantic dates with zero responsibilities, and even the most crunge experiences. I never had that, because no one ever liked me. But no one will EVER like me if I look the way I do, if my smile is so ugly, and if I look like a damn child.

But it's stupid. What I just wrote here is absolutely ridiculous and pathetic. I can't sit with my therapist and tell him all this crap.. where's the girl who wanted to get better, keep her friendships alive, get rid of depression and become independent? This is so out of character for me.

I sound dramatic. But I can't picture talking to ANYONE about this. The problem is that loneliness is just a matter of fact, you can't do anything about it.. it's a stupid, shallow topic to bring up in therapy when I know I have other priorities.

This is so hard, I can't explain the absolute repulsion I feel at the thought of mentioning the issue. In my head, this is a very pathetic problem.. professionals have dealt with so much worse, but i haven't, and the shame is unbearable. What do I even do?

Hello, this is nothing major, I didn't harm myself or others in any way. the post is about a topic that's been making me feel extremely embarassed. My next session is at least ~30 days away, but still. Please read this even if it might be long :(

I (F19) am very transparent with my therapist, who is M40 if that's useful info. Yet this specific issue is something that feels so stupid to me, that I can't imagine how my conversation with him would go, and I really don't want to deal with it. I think I'm looking for advice on how to handle it. I'm half scared of his reaction, but I mainly just don't want to mention it even tho I need to. Texting isn't an option btw, it makes me so anxious.

You see, I will tell him that I've been feeling extremely insecure about the way my face looks with AND without makeup. It's actually so bad I've gotten the urge to show him the pictures where I'm supposed to look good, just to make someone understand how miserable I feel at the sight of my own self. However, the problem is that I have also been feeling very lonely.. I'm working on my social life, but the lack of romantic experience (as a virgin who's never kissed anyone) is killing me.

I get tears in my eyes, crying spells, or my heart rate picks up whenever my mind thinks about people who aren't single. I've tried to stay away from social media stories of people in relationships, people my age getting ready for their first date and first times, etc... but it doesn't help, because I'm surrounded by those people in real life. I get triggered VERY easily. Even my own sexual arousal is a trigger: sometimes I use it as a distraction, but other times I stop because I feel disappointed and embarassed.

Relationships can suck, but they're a crucial part of SO MANY people's lives: silly middle school drama, high school sweethearts, romantic dates with zero responsibilities, and even the most crunge experiences. I never had that, because no one ever liked me. But no one will EVER like me if I look the way I do, if my smile is so ugly, and if I look like a damn child.

But it's stupid. What I just wrote here is absolutely ridiculous and pathetic. I can't sit with my therapist and tell him all this crap.. where's the girl who wanted to get better, keep her friendships alive, get rid of depression and become independent? This is so out of character for me.

I sound dramatic. But I can't picture talking to ANYONE about this. The problem is that loneliness is just a matter of fact, you can't do anything about it.. it's a stupid, shallow topic to bring up in therapy when I know I have other priorities.

This is so hard, I can't explain the absolute repulsion I feel at the thought of mentioning the issue. What do I even do?

"Le ragazze ti mandano solo segnali ambigui, si sentono superiori, ti schifano se sei basso, vogliono solo i palestrati, sono attratte solo dai malesseri"

"I maschi vogliono solo quelle con il fisico da barbie, pensano solo al sesso, non vogliono mai una storia seria"

Ao, non metto in dubbio le vostre esperienze, ma che cazzo. È mai possibile??

Forse sono troppo selettiva io, ma i coatti e le oche in calore sono facili da individuare, perciò non è difficile stargli alla larga. Altrimenti può capitare di frequentare qualcuno che solo all'apparenza sembrava una brava persona, però non hai niente da perdere se vi lasciate.

L'unica cosa che capisco sono i segnali ambigui, magari alcuni/e hanno fin troppe insicurezze e a quel punto è meglio lasciar perdere. Ma per il resto, se hanno una personalità di merda si vede subito...

poi parliamo tanto di "gente fuori dalla nostra portata" come se esistesse qualcuno che è superiore agli altri solo per l'aspetto fisico.. se sei una persona esteticamente bella non significa che ti devi sentire stocazzo, anche se quelli meno attraenti hanno paura di avvicinarsi (purtroppo). E anche questa non è una cosa che va normalizzata, né deve portare a discorsi di generalizzazione assurdi. Ci sono persone orribili al mondo che non vanno neanche considerate.

Il mio non è un attacco, non ho mai avuto una relazione e a 19 anni è ovvio che mi sento abbastanza persa, ma.. invece di dire "i maschi e le femmine fanno schifo per questi motivi qua", è meglio dire "finora ho incontrato solo brutte persone". Anche io ho i miei pregiudizi sui ragazzi, ma li ignoro e vado avanti, perché se un ragazzo mi sembra strano o cattivo non posso dire che sono tutti come lui. Poi finisce che la gente si lamenta con tutta la rabbia del mondo dicendo che ormai fanno tutti schifo.. tesoro mio, a questo punto ti consiglio di cambiare sponda 😭😭

Hello guys, I'm a 19 y.o girl going through a really hard time especially over the past few weeks. My therapist is unavailable until September and I have no one I can ask for advice and support. When you feel like your face features aren't pretty, and even makeup doesn't fix them, how do you manage to move on and be confident?

I've been struggling a LOT with the idea that no one likes me and no one will ever want me as their partner, but it all started with me being hypercritical of my physical appearance while on vacation. I liked getting dressed up for the evenings, and I even started to wear light makeup.. but the more I looked in the mirror, the more my features made me feel awful. I have no idea what to do about them.

There is something in my facial expression that's simply off-putting; I will get my eyebrows done because I don't want them to be thick, but other than that, it feels like my face is in a constantly serious expression.

My eyelids cover so much of my actual eyes, they make me look bored. The issue is that my smile is absolutely RIDICULOUS, whether it's sincere or not, I look pathetic; combined with the eye issue, I look absolutely HIGH when I smile, and it's the worst thing ever.

Not to mention I feel like my body (I have an issue with my chest size bc I think it's too much) does not match my face. In a way, I don't look my age; I looked at my pictures from elementary school and I kid you not, NOTHING CHANGED about me. ZERO changes!!

To be fair sometimes I feel like I look like a man tbh

Overall, I'm trapped in a body that simply sucks. Of course no one will ever be attracted to me if I look like THAT when I laugh or smile. But what do I even do? I wear mascara, but any other kind of eye makeup makes my expression worse. If the makeup is colorful, I just look stupid (and I mean normal colors, not mixing neon green with brown and purple).

This post came out longer than expected ?? But man I really am struggling, I cry about being lonely nearly everyday but looking in the mirror makes me want to puke

Hello guys, I'm a 19 y.o girl going through a really hard time especially over the past few weeks. My therapist is unavailable until September and I have no one I can ask for advice and support.

I've been struggling a LOT with the idea that no one likes me and no one will ever want me as their partner, but it all started with me being hypercritical of my physical appearance while on vacation. I liked getting dressed up for the evenings, and I even started to wear light makeup.. but the more I looked in the mirror, the more my features made me feel awful. I have no idea what to do about them.

There is something in my facial expression that's simply off-putting; I will get my eyebrows done because I don't want them to be thick, but other than that, it feels like my face is in a constantly serious expression.

My eyelids cover so much of my actual eyes, they make me look bored. The issue is that my smile is absolutely RIDICULOUS, whether it's sincere or not, I look pathetic; combined with the eye issue, I look absolutely HIGH when I smile, and it's the worst thing ever.

Not to mention I feel like my body (I have an issue with my chest size bc I think it's too much) does not match my face. In a way, I don't look my age; I looked at my pictures from elementary school and I kid you not, NOTHING CHANGED about me. ZERO changes!!

To be fair sometimes I feel like I look like a man tbh

Overall, I'm trapped in a body that simply sucks. Of course no one will ever be attracted to me if I look like THAT when I laugh or smile. But what do I even do? I wear mascara, but any other kind of eye makeup makes my expression worse. If the makeup is colorful, I just look stupid (and I mean normal colors, not mixing neon green with brown and purple).

This post came out longer than expected ?? But man I really am struggling, I cry about being lonely nearly everyday but looking in the mirror makes me want to puke

Ho deciso di postare anche qui perché non ho nessuno con cui parlarne, mi prenderebbero in giro. Ricevere ulteriori critiche pesanti mi ferirebbe un bel po', perché giuro che non voglio sembrare una "femcel" frustrata, ci sto male veramente.

Ho 19 anni. La prima persona che mi è piaciuta per davvero era un'amica (etero) che avevo nel 2023, e prima di lei ho avuto tipo due cotte per dei ragazzi. In ogni caso non sono mai stata fidanzata e ho zero esperienza, il che non mi dava fastidio perché sapevo di dover sistemare prima la mia vita sociale uscendo dallo stato di depressione in cui mi trovavo; con la terapia ce la sto facendo e ce la sto mettendo tutta.. ma ultimamente ci sto malissimo. Ho paura di arrivare ai 40 anni sola come un cane, perché è vero che la vita di coppia non è tutta rose e fiori ma io non voglio vivere in una casa vuota fino alla morte.

Il fatto è che questa cosa mi sta facendo soffrire tantissimo, ma mi vergogno troppo per parlarne con qualcuno; mi sembra un capriccio da adolescente immatura e superficiale. Come minimo devo portare tutto in terapia, e di certo lo farò, ma l'idea non mi entusiasma per niente. Perché questo è quello che dovrò spiegare al mio psicologo:

È risaputo che personalmente non ho autostima, ma ora il fatto che non ho esperienze mi fa sentire sia sbagliata che estremamente triste. Sono gelosa delle persone non-single che conosco, sono gelosa di chi ha già avuto relazioni, sono gelosa della gente online che chiede consigli per il primo appuntamento o anche per la propria prima volta. È una cosa che mi fa piangere in momenti random della giornata: mi viene da piangere quando ci penso, ma anche quando mi distraggo.. e mi viene da piangere anche in momenti più intimi e privati, che mi ritrovo spesso a interrompere per il senso di tristezza e delusione (e imbarazzo) che provo.

Il riassunto è questo, ma mi fa sentire patetica. Non avrei mai pensato di attraversare una "crisi" del genere, io, che fino a 4 mesi fa non uscivo nemmeno di casa.. adesso mi tocca dire al mio psicologo che sono felice delle mie attuali amicizie, ma comunque mi sento sola? Mi tocca dirgli che mi vergogno di essere vergine e di non aver mai baciato nessuno? Non perché a 19 anni sia tardi - anche se almeno un bacio dovevo darlo - però ho l'impressione che perderò MOLTO altro tempo.

Il mio percorso terapeutico è in pausa per il mese di agosto. Ho un bel po' di esperienze positive da raccontare, e ovviamente ci sta che non sia tutto perfetto, ma questa in particolare è una cosa talmente stupida che sento proprio un "rifiuto interno" quando penso al fatto che glielo dovrò spiegare.

Sono un disastro scusate il post strano, continuo a cercare di non pensarci più, ma non riesco proprio a togliermi il problema dalla testa

F19, bisessuale, non ho mai avuto una relazione (solo un ragazzo mi ha chiesto il numero una volta, volevo dargli una possibilità ma mi ha spaventato perché era troppo insistente e aveva modi di fare preoccupanti). Il sub di r/ psicologia è ottimo, ma a volte mi fa paura; ho bisogno di essere ascoltata, e lì temo di ricevere critiche o commenti che mi sembreranno troppo pesanti. Soprattutto per gli ultimi paragrafi.

(Il tag nsfw è perché a un certo punto parlo di masturbazione, ma niente di che. So che il post è lungo ma abbiate pazienza per favore 😞)

Sono in terapia da febbraio e credo che la depressione abbia smesso di avere il controllo totale della mia vita, perciò il mio umore è migliorato. L'ansia è molto peggio di prima, ma - non so come spiegarlo - è quasi come se mi spingesse ad agire e migliorare.. perché se non sento di star facendo progressi, non riesco a gestire l'angoscia che mi viene. Comunque sto facendo di tutto per mantenere vive alcune amicizie, e per questo motivo, dato che ero completamente sola in passato, ho deciso di ignorare tutto ciò che riguardava le relazioni amorose perché sapevo di avere altre priorità.

Tuttavia nelle ultime settimane non riesco a pensare ad altro.

In realtà è iniziato tutto quando ho cominciato a focalizzarmi troppo sul mio aspetto fisico. Mi sono resa conto che non importa come mi vesto o come mi trucco, perché la mia faccia NON mi piace, la trovo estremamente sgradevole e brutta da vedere. Perciò ho iniziato a pensare che nessuno potrà mai essere attratto da me, e che non ci sarà mai nessuno disposto a conoscermi o scegliermi come partner.

Così negli ultimi 7-8 giorni, l'idea di non aver mai avuto una relazione ha iniziato a tormentarmi, perché non riesco proprio a immaginare un futuro in cui ho accanto qualcuno che amo/che mi ama. Anche se avessi l'occasione di conoscere tanta gente nuova, nessuno sarebbe interessato a me, e se io facessi il primo passo mi rifiuterebbero tutti.

Questa cosa ha veramente iniziato a rovinarmi le giornate: provo gelosia nei confronti delle persone non single che conosco, non riesco a leggere storie di gente che si frequenta con qualcuno, o persone della mia età (o qualche anno di meno) che chiedono consigli per la prima relazione o addirittura il primo rapporto sessuale. Non riesco a stare neanche in pace con me stessa, perché quando mi capita di toccarmi per i fatti miei, mi ritrovo a fermarmi per la frustrazione.

Poi in momenti a caso della giornata, anche quando cerco di distrarmi, mi metto a piangere per questa cosa o comunque mi lacrimano gli occhi e vorrei solo mettermi in un angolo a singhiozzare.

In poche parole è un problema che sta influendo negativamente su troppi aspetti della mia vita, perciò come MINIMO dovrei portarlo in terapia.. e invece no, perché mi vergogno. Non voglio parlare della mia voglia di avere una relazione e delle mie paure a riguardo: mi sembra una cosa troppo stupida e superficiale per me, che fino a 4 mesi fa non uscivo neanche di casa. Non voglio sembrare una ragazzina stupida e lagnosa che si lamenta di problemi adolescenziali, è un lato di me stessa che non mi piace e che non voglio mostrare al mio psicologo, perché vorrei solo ignorare la sua esistenza. Nel senso che magari se lo ignoro e lo supero da sola, non ho bisogno di esporlo.

Vi chiederete che cazzo ci vado a fare in terapia, ma io lo giuro che questa in particolare è una crisi che non mi sarei MAI aspettata di affrontare... mi viene da dire che non voglio che il mio percorso terapeutico venga "contaminato" da un argomento del genere.

Da una parte vorrei che il mio psicologo (con cui mi trovo molto bene comunque) mi aiutasse a non pensarci più.. ma l'idea di non pensarci mi fa credere che arriverò ai 30 anni ancora single e poi la situazione peggiorerà. Boh che dire sono un disastro

F/19 bisessuale e vergine, spero di ricevere qualche risposta perché non vedo l'ora di cancellare il post..

In poche parole in prima media ho capito che era bello quando incrociavo le gambe e stringevo il più possibile. Una volta sono arrivata all'orgasmo e quindi ho iniziato a farlo più spesso, sempre incrociando le gambe ma usando anche la mano, che praticamente fa gran parte del lavoro.

Il fatto è che: innanzitutto mi fa strano quando lo faccio senza l'intimo addosso, perciò non lo tolgo. Inoltre NON riesco a venire in nessun altro modo.

Ho provato a stimolare direttamente il clitoride, sia con l'intimo che senza, ma è tremendo... è letteralmente la stessa sensazione che proverei se mi toccassi i bulbi oculari con il dito. A volte sembra quasi che mi piaccia ma solo se lo faccio con movimenti molto veloci, quindi alla fine mi si stanca il polso e mi rompo le palle, lol.

E invece la penetrazione credo sia ancora peggio. Mi danno fastidio le unghie, non importa quanto siano corte, ma anche se riesco a ignorarle non mi piace. Però questo aspetto mi preoccupa di meno, visto che ho sempre sentito dire che la penetrazione non è piacevole per molte donne.

Quindi in pratica mi sento un po' come se la mia sessualità fosse troppo limitata. Non riesco ancora a immaginare un futuro in cui qualcuno mi sceglierà come partner per la vita, però non vorrei arrivare a quel punto e sentirmi inadeguata perché non riesco a provare piacere nel modo "tradizionale". Sinceramente non mi piace affatto l'idea che questa cosa potrebbe non cambiare mai, né mi piace l'idea di "accettarla e basta".

EDIT perché vorrei aggiungere anche che, in quanto persona queer, questa cosa rende quasi preoccupante per me l'idea di avere una fidanzata. Secondo me è più plausibile che con un ragazzo troverei almeno una "soluzione", mentre ho paura di non essere in grado di stare con una ragazza perché non so nemmeno come provare piacere io stessa..

Capisco anche che non posso farci niente per adesso. Prima o poi andrò da una ginecologa e comunque le spiegherò questa cosa nel modo migliore possibile, sperando non sia troppo imbarazzante, ma vabbè.. purtroppo per ora sto così. Vorrei sapere se qualcuno prova lo stesso, onestamente questa cosa mi fa un po' paura :( ma sicuramente il fatto che la mia prima relazione è ancora molto lontana lo rende meno "grave" immagino

Hello, I saw how supportive everyone in this sub was and honestly I just need to get this off my chest. I know this is common for women, don't get me wrong, but still.

I am a 19F, bisexual virgin. I shouldn't even be talking about this because I'm struggling with loneliness and feeling like no one will ever want me, it's starting to affect my days a lot and I know it's a problem, but I still really feel like I need support about this specific issue:

I started self-exploration when I was about 11-12. What happened was that I began to realize that it felt good to squeeze my thighs together when my bladder was fairly full, and I started doing it almost everyday until one day reached some sort of orgasm. It definitely caught me off guard, it felt great though.

Since squeezing for too long definitely makes my thighs feel tired, I started giving myself pleasure by keeping my thighs close together but my hand is doing most of the work. The thing is that, first of all, it feels way better when my private parts are clothed; secondly, it absolutely doesn't work when I dont keep my legs closed.

I tried to stimulate my clit with my fingers without griding/humping my hand, both with underwear on and without. I think it feels too intense and "raw"; it's downright terrible, and now that I think about it, I could compare it to the feeling of poking my own eyeball. Thats genuinely the most accurate comparison, even though I can handle it sometimes, it's simply not ideal.

I also tried fingering myself and that also feels bad, worse than clitoral stimulation. My nails bother me no matter how short I keep them, but when I'm able to ignore them, it's still very unpleasant.

As of now, I do not think I'm worried about being a burden to my future sexual partner, because I can't really see a future where someone chooses me as a partner. But it still makes me feel like im unable to enjoy myself to the fullest.

I worked on my depression in therapy and I'm currently working on my anxiety and social life. My therapist only asked me about my sexuality once, and all I told him was that yes, I masturbate - because this has become very normal for me, and I usually don't talk about it as a problem. But it does bother me when I focus on it a lot.

I'm a high school student with parents that were pretty neglectful of my emotional needs, and I dont have a safe space where I can process these feelings. I haven't seen a gynecologist ever in my life, and I've always been told it's fine if you're a virgin and aren't experiencing problems.. but yeah, well, I guess I will eventually tell a gynecologist at some point :/

Lo giuro cazzo se penso a quanto mi fa schifo mi fa venire i brividi, soprattutto perché da piccola mi sembrava un supereroe e invece è solo un superviscido.

Sei contento di esserti fatto una famiglia di cui vantarti, brutto pezzo di merda? Ma allora perché io e mamma siamo le uniche persone con cui fai lo stronzo?? Poi quando gli fa comodo fa la persona carina e gentile per farsi perdonare..

Beve e fuma come un disgraziato, è l'unico che ha uno stipendio qua dentro (io sono al liceo) ma CAZZO NON PUÒ FARE L'EGOISTA, A CASA SIAMO IN TRE, eppure dobbiamo rinunciare a TUTTO perché lui brucia tutti i soldi per i suoi vizi schifosi. E noi per lui valiamo meno di zero

Ma fosse solo questo il problema. Ci tratta di merda. Litiga con noi per tutto e mi zittisce quando cerco di ragionarci, fa la vittima quando le cose non vanno come vuole lui.. se in pubblico gli prendono i 5 minuti, ci insulta e ci manda affanculo ad alta voce davanti a tutti senza pietà. A casa, durante i pasti, trova sempre un motivo per lamentarsi e quindi litigare.

Non mi parla MAI a meno che non deve criticarmi: "ma quando ti depili? Ma non hai amiche? Ma non hai un fidanzato? Ma sei asociale?" MA QUANDO TACI PORCODDIO. Non mi dice MAI niente di carino, è già tanto se sa come mi chiamo, non sa letteralmente niente di me. Passa le giornate a guardare la TV a tutto volume o dormire, non facciamo mai niente in famiglia ed è meglio così.

Siamo praticamente coinquilini che non hanno niente da dirsi. Ma è assurdo porca troia, come fa un padre a non interagire con la figlia? È come se non sapesse cosa farsene della propria famiglia. Come se non sapesse nemmeno lui il motivo per cui ha scelto di diventare padre.

Lui aveva paura di rimanere single, e sapeva che solo mia madre sarebbe stata abbastanza stupida da sposarlo. È veramente incommentabile. Tanto si è capito che secondo lui essere padre significava sborrare dentro a una donna, far finta di voler bene alla propria bambina perché i neonati piacciono a tutti, e poi fregarsene perché l'importante era "realizzarsi" e avere la famiglia tradizionale che ha semlre voluto. VAFFANCULO

(Pls do read this if you have time even if it might be long. I, f19 btw, posted this on this sub bc I was told multiple times that he was emotionally abusing the family, but I'm sorry if it's not that)

I dont even know where to begin.

I will start off by saying I don't have a good relationship with either of my parents, but my mom gave me the most problems when I was a child, not my dad. I used to love my dad, he works a lot and seeing him/spending time with him used to be so exciting.

I think things began to change when I was about 13 or 12; being with him started to feel a little awkward, as if I felt that we had nothing to talk about or do together. He has never genuinely asked me about my day, doesn't really know anything about me, never showed much interest in what happened in my life.

Things got much worse when I was 14-15. School was awful, I failed my first year of high school at that age; the atmosphere at home was unbearable, my dad began to say lots of stuff that was out of character for him, such as "I don't want someone who's failing 9th grade in this house". From that moment on, life with him became awful. He joined my mom whenever she was being horrible to me during arguments, and they both ignored me whenever I threatened to end my life because I didn't want to live past 16. My dad in particular started mocking me for crying during arguments (im very emotional), which he does a lot nowadays.

He fights with us over the littlest things and handles them by mistreating my mom and telling me to shut up when I intervene. When I try to reason with him he always rolls his eyes at me and sighs - he's constantly doing that. In other words, the atmosphere in the house depends on his moods.

He is also a disgusting, selfish alcoholic and nicotine addict. He isn't violent when "drunk", but it's like he becomes both stupid AND more irritable.. he acts happy and smiles in the most unsettling way, then switches up when my mom calls him out for drinking. Days ago, they discussed this in a restaurant and my dad started telling my mom "you can fuck off if you think I'm so bad" not yelling, but loudly enough for everyone to hear.

This doesn't even sound bad. I realize that I don't even know how to explain how horrible he is, how uncomfortable he makes me feel... when people ask me why I dont like him, I can't come up with examples. But god, I hate him.

He never talks to me unless he is criticizing me (over things I've heard 10000 times), or mocking me for reasons related to my appearance such as my body hair. We never have nice moments no matter how calm he is, and being alone with him is terrible. I cannot explain the way he makes me feel.. the past few days have been particularly awful, and I was convinced I'd finally have proof that he makes my life a living hell, but I'm sure now that once we get back from this shitty vacation I will forget everything. I will just tell my therapist that my father is a monster without being able to express and explain myself.

I hate it so much

I'm F19, a bisexual virgin who never had a first kiss or relationship (I only had a weird innocuous "kiss"/3 hour long "relationship with an online friend, she was 3 years older than me and it was weird because I was 10 when we met)

I've been depressed since I was 15 and my mental health overall was awful when I was just 9. Social anxiety, generalized anxiety, no self esteem, etc... and I'm in therapy, I know I have other priorities that don't include dating, but I'm so tired of feeling lonely. At 16 I still felt like I was young enough, then at 18 I felt like my time had run out.

I'm not going to meet new people for a long time and high school was a fail so I just have no choice

I downloaded Hinge but I never managed to keep my accounts, probably because I kept trying to fool the app with AI generated pics. I just wanted to lurk and see the people there, and I never texted anyone.

The girls and non-binary people were those that I thought had more potential. The men.. oh God, they were the exact opposite of what I was looking for. The only thing that threw me off was that EVERYONE literally EVERYONE seems to smoke or vape, and as someone with an alcoholic nicotine addict father, I'd off myself if my partner was like him.

But that's not even the point. I feel so stupid for even THINKING about using dating apps 😭😭 I don't even like dating culture, you go on dates with people only to see if you can be romantic partners and then you're expected to "spice things up" by date 4 because things get boring otherwise.. uuuughhhh

Honestly just hoping I don't do anything reckless. I'm scared of my own shadow and I have no nice pics to use on my profile, I can't even text ppl without getting anxious.. I hope this phase is over before I can act on my thoughts, but man, it's getting sooo harddd