Curious if any of you struggle with retroactive jealous OCD
Hi all, I've related this part of myself partially to having SO much Scorpio in my chart (Sun, Rising, Venus, Chiron). I struggle with retroactive jealousy, which is being jealous of my partner's past. But in a way that I'm constantly thinking about it, and it really impacts my relationship with her. This overlaps with my OCD symptoms (I don't identify with having OCD, but certainly have OCD symptoms. Have had 2 therapists say they think I should look into OCD.) This especially shows up in jealousy of my partner's casual sexual past.
Sex for me is this soul-infusing experience (I know y'all understand that ;) and a part of me struggles with the fact that that's not how she has related to sex. I've had a few casual sexual encounters but didn't enjoy them, and wrote it off early on. She, on the other hand, has had lots of casual sexual encounters.
The way this presents for me is that I obsess over her past due to insecurity, comparison, and my feeling jealous that I haven't had the experiences that she has had. I can't stop thinking about it, like literally imagining her having sex with other people. It causes a lot of stress and anxiety. I don't actually think that casual sex is bad at all, but my nervous system has been wired for some reason to see this as a threat and to be on edge constantly. The obsessive part comes in with constantly thinking about it, and asking for details from her to try and get reassurance. OCD struggles a lot with the unknown.
It's hard to explain; I'm sure many of you don't relate, as retroactive jealousy is NOT a normal thing. It's considered a mental health issue. But I do feel curious about my Scorpio intensity and the way that I relate to sex, and if it has been part of the manifestation of this issue for me.
