My pet rat died today. The DM thought it was a good idea to run a one shot about a dead rat.
*content warning for pet loss and some very fictional animal violence*
We lost our Mai today. She was the last of our 3 girls we got as babies, and I was heartbroken. We just lost her sister less than a month ago, and I think poor Mai just wasted away. She died snuggled up with my husband on the couch.
I'm the DM for a tight group of close friends and my husband, and we were supposed to have a session tonight. I dithered a lot on going at all, and finally decided that I didn't have it in me to DM tonight, but that it still might be nice to spend some time with good company. My 11-year-old daughter came too, because she likes to play her switch and half listen.
My friend Chrissy volunteered to run a one shot. She pulled me aside to warn me she had planned something with a rat in it, and she hoped it would be healing for me. I felt apprehensive about that idea, but decided to roll with it, knowing I could always pump the brakes if I needed to.
Our intro to this rat was walking into a pet shop that had been broken into and finding a dead, mutilated rat in a pool of blood on the floor. I sort of just went still from shock. Immediately another friend asked, "Could we go with a different animal?" Chrissy said to just wait and see. She went on to describe the ghost of the rat coming up to my character, and I guess the intention was for this ghost rat to be cute, lead us to the killers, and end with some kind of moral about how even if you lose a furry friend they're always with you.
We didn't get that far though, because I excused myself to "go to the bathroom" and sat there in the dark alone feeling like walls were closing in on me. I think my intention was to come back and suggest we do something else, but my husband and daughter came to check on me and all three of us just broke down.
Chrissy apologized up, down, left, and right. I know her heart was in the right place, and I told her as much before we left, but also...
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY MADE HER THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA????? AND SHE DID IT IN FRONT OF MY KID TOO!! CHRIST
The worst part is, I was very down but handling my grief okay. Mai's passing wasn't unexpected or violent. She lived a good long life. But I feel AWFUL now. Like somebody tore my heart out and stepped on it.
Chrissy keeps messaging me and I don't have it in me to respond right now.