u/MotherAnalyst3570

My partner 30m and I 31f have been together for almost 8 years now. We ve met in university and share a dog and other passions (sports) and make a livelihood out of them. We both work.

The main issue is we haven’t really spoken about children until later on in the relationship, 3 years in or so.
Our opinions are divided: he wants at least 2 while I explicitly mentioned from the first conversation that I never wanted them, or if an accident happened I might have just 1 and even then I wouldn’t be so sure because I think parenting is a calling not a necessity.
Initially, he brushed it off and giggled about it “you will change your mind” he used to say.

I don’t really like children (and sharing my living space with multiple people for that matter).
I find them very overstimulating when young and a huge responsibility when older. I haven’t hidden the fact kids are indifferent to me, I don’t like to play with random family members / friends toddlers etc.

He is not the definition of an organized person at home (I do the cooking, looking after the dog, cleaning etc) because he “doesn’t have time” and “but babe you do it so much better”.
His main contribution to housework is cleaning the dishes which I do appreciate very much.
I happily take care of the dog, HIS DOG actually (he already existed when we met).

I do get frustrated at times: when I do our laundry, I have decided as an act of protest to not fold his clothes, he didn’t seem to notice or care.
Growing up, his mother always did all the housework ON TOP of working, his father didn’t partecipate in that so I guess that’s how he thinks things go?
I’m an only child from a single mother, and honestly our cleanliness standards are quite… different from how he was brought up.

When I get fed up about having to deal with all the housework he wither ignores me or will get in a rage, shouting, saying I am redundant, sometimes punches things. At those times he says he would be ok living in a house with dust/disorganization. Since I am not, so he “gets away with it” and weaponizes his incompetence.
From the state of his student flat and the way his siblings are I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a little bit more feral if I left him to his own devices.

Other than being terrified about childbearing since I was a child, and having not liked kids even at 5-6 (I played with older kids and adults), I believe children are a huge commitment with no going back.

Once we got in a fight about having kids and while he said he wouldn’t force me, he brought up that he doesn’t want us to be “singletons” all life, and we need to procreate sooner or later.

We have no safety net and no money for babysitters.
My mother is on the older side and doesn’t want to bring up another kid. I don’t trust my mother in law to look after a kid because she mistreated the dog last time we left him with her “it’s just a dog”. Aside from that I believe my husbands anger issues might stem from her passive (let it sort itself out) parenting style, he has problems with self soothing and was left at a nursery as soon as it was legally possible. No shade on her, I understand she had to work, but I think it left a mark on him.

As a guy that struggles with self soothing I am worried he will not be a very gentle father when things get tough and from chats about other kids his parenting style may be on the authoritarian side. While I don’t find kids entertaining, I am worried he may become a more hard style parent and I would not be able to see that without suffering myself.

I will try to talk to him again about how I feel this weekend, saying I might never be ready as I have mentioned from the first time we spoke. I’m scared he might get mad and explode and start shouting and or breaking things again? How should we approach this topic to avoid rage frustration and anger and reach a solution even if it’s drastic?

I own a 10yo chihuahua
He’s adorable, shy, and TINY

Lots of people come up to him insisting to touch him and invade his personal space. He’s not one of those aggressive chihuahuas who will scare people away (although I wish he were sometimes), but he doesn’t enjoy being approached by strangers (will shake).

People feel entitled to touch him just because he’s cute, but I feel that violates consent he cannot give.

His body language screams NO, but it’s mostly non-dog people who can’t bother to read his body language, or think their desire is more important I guess..

AITHA when I tell them “please, no touching, he is not friendly?”

Lots of people get offended